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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to post Dsis her kids back and ruin her holiday?

433 replies

Santasjinglebelle · 15/08/2018 22:21

WTAF to do?
Agreed to have niece (8) and nephew (7) over to stay for a while so Dsis and hubby can attend destination wedding/ first holiday without kids in tow.
Last time they were here I put them both in pyjamas pants as I know that they're prone to accidents and I just don't have the time or energy (or inclination to be frank) to keep up with the additional laundry.
Dniece pipped up earlier to tell me me that neither of them will be wearing pyjama pants this time round as their mummy told them not to.
Thinking they must have misheard, I call Dsis to get her to speak with them. Dsis proceeds to berate me for wanting to "humiliate" her children. Apparently pyjamas pants encourage bedwetting by infantilise slow developers - better to let them feel uncomfortable in their own piss and learn the hard way.
Before I could get out any kind of response she fobbed me off with some shite about a dodgy line and hung up!!
WTF am I supposed to do? They went to bed at 8pm and used the toilet first but I've just changed nephew's sheets! Another 8 nights of this makes me want to weep.
No other relatives near enough to pawn off on, niece is adamant, nephew does what his sister says and Dsis not answering phone anymore.
Hubby's response (he was joking) "try Easy jet." But now I'm seriously considering this, WIBU?

OP posts:
IceCreamFace · 16/08/2018 07:41

I think JacNaylor has the best advice, practical and kind.

IceCreamFace · 16/08/2018 07:42

I do feel sorry for the poor kids. Dumped on an aunt that doesn't want to keep them (and I can totally understand it does sound like a lot of work!) and probably feeling massively self conscious about the bed wetting.

LagunaBubbles · 16/08/2018 07:42

She should have discussed this with you clearly before she left.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 16/08/2018 07:44

I think your sister has been incredibly cheeky not to discuss this with you first.

Not only are you doing 8 days of completely free round-the-clock childcare for her so that she can have a holiday, she's also expecting you to train her DC to be dry at night.

I'd go for pull-ups without thinking twice. It's not your responsibility to do this and expecting you to shoulder all of the additional laundry - and the costs associated with going out and buying rubber sheets, pads etc. - is completely unfair.

I would text her and say that she has two choices; either she tells the kids they can wear pull ups whilst they are at yours, or you will retrieve their passports and fly them out to her for a 'surprise holiday with Mum & Dad'...

Metoodear · 16/08/2018 07:44

Sorry I would just be simply saying explains that next time due to the wetting issue you will be unable to be having them

PurpleCrazyHorse · 16/08/2018 07:47

Really feel for your OP, it's pretty awful that your sister has just landed this on you with no discussion or supplies. Wouldn't be so bad if you knew what you were dealing with in advance and sis came with extra sheets, waterproof sheets or mats etc.

I agree with puppy pads or maternity pads, both are cheaper than the children's bed wetting pads. And definitely layer so you can whip off the top sheet and mat leaving a dry one underneath. Personally, I just shove in the bath and leave it all until morning. No trouble at all with getting the children doing the washing etc if they won't wear nighttime pull ups, their choice... wet the bed and do the washing, or wear the pull ups.

If you send the text, don't forget to change DH's name in your contacts to your sister's. Otherwise it'll say the text is from him. You'll obviously have historical texts above on the messages screen (if an iPhone but probably similar for other phones), so might have to send a few in advance to fill up the screen with fake sister messages!

Fireworks91 · 16/08/2018 07:49

If it was normal/average/standard to wet the bed at 7...8...9, then no doubt pull ups would be made in that size.

They do. 8-15 yr old ones in most supermarkets.

PorkFlute · 16/08/2018 07:51

I wouldn’t shame the kids and I’d just go with protecting the bed as best as you could and only offering water to drink and not too late to help keep them dry.
I would be absolutely fuming with the sister though and would be letting her know that it is the last time you will be able to offer childcare to her due to her completely selfish attitude and her being unable to be contacted in an emergency.

Kardashianlove · 16/08/2018 07:57

Definitely get them to help wash the sheets, clean and dry the mattress, put new sheets on the bed, etc. Then give them the option of pants at night.

Some kids do just wet until much older, it’s to do with hormones and not something they can help. So they may keep wetting whether or not they are taken out of pants.

Just be matter of fact about it that it’s not their fault but explain that it is a lot of work for you all to keep changing bedding, etc.

Ariclock · 16/08/2018 07:57

I would use bed protectors for the beds and say nothing to the kids as I wouldn't want to embarrass them. Text your sister and say you won't be having them again though. It might be a medical problem so I would treat it as such and bill your sister if the mattresses get ruined Flowers

LimboLuna · 16/08/2018 07:58

As a pp says puppy pads are cheaper than human ones. B and m were cheapest when mine were struggling. They won’t save the sheets but will save your mattress.
I bought reusable pj pants they looked less like pull ups. But I guess they wouldn’t be here in time. I’m not sure what you can do if they are flatly refusing. My feeling is they can’t stay if they are refusing to do something you need them to do. It’s difficult as it’s all softly softly around bed wetting (as it should be). But the bed wetting isn’t the issue it’s the no pj pants and not helping auntie.

Did she not warn you they weren’t dry?

I believe it’s more of a boy thing then a girl thing. With mine (and all his friends) it was always growth spurt related. One mum did talk to a doctor who said it’s completely fine and it relates to hormones and internal wiring (e.g the wires stretched so the message doesn’t get through) around a growth spurt. But I didn’t feel the need to have that doctor convo as it’s completely normal. They were all dry by end of year 4 (so all 9).

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/08/2018 07:59

It’s a bloody cheek assuming you’d even have enough mattress protectors, bed sheets and duvets to accommodate all the bed wetting let alone be ok with all the changes and washing.

Is the mattress ruined? I’d be incandescent in your position.

So what’s your plan now? Mine would be to sit the kids down and tell them that yes, their mum has said x. But this is your house and their mum didn’t give you any extra duvets, sheets and waterproof mattress protectors. You can’t have them sleeping in smelly sheets so they have to wear the pull ups just while they're with you.

As an aside, I know children, who bed wet at an older age. The children have a history of recurrent urine infections and I assume this must be linked. Eventually they will grow out of it. They are lovely children and their mum is great just gets on with it. But that is their mum. You shouldn’t be doing the same without prior agreement.

Theresnodisneyending · 16/08/2018 07:59

They do. 8-15 yr old ones in most supermarkets

No, they don't.

liz70 · 16/08/2018 08:01

Wow, some really unpleasant posts on this thread.

We used washable bed mats over the fitted sheet. They tuck in under the mattress at the sides and cover the necessary area. OP's sister maybe should have provided some. I wouldn't recommend puppy pads - we are using them now with 4 month old DPup - they are rather small and would slip around, I would think.

I would also not be pleased at all if anybody had made my 8 year old go bare from the waist at night - ffs children need their own dignity. Just wash their pj bottoms and pants with the rest of the laundry - it's only pee fgs.

iMatter · 16/08/2018 08:01

On the basis that night time dryness happens when the child is ready then why on earth would your sister subject her children to the humiliation of waking up covered in wee every night/morning? Why wouldn't she just let them have pull-ups until they are dry?

For her to be ignoring an obvious solution seems cruel tbf.

eurochick · 16/08/2018 08:02

They do - even in my medium sized local Waitrose, which doesn't stock everything under the sun.

FourAlarmFire · 16/08/2018 08:02

I honestly don’t understand the problem here. The children are embarassed by nighttime pants (understandable) and wanted to feel grown up when staying away. Unfortunately DNephew isn’t quite ready yet which just means that OP needs to gently and kindly talk to him about how well he’s done for giving it a go but from now on he’ll need to wear the pants just in case. Lots of reassurance to make sure he doesn’t feel self-conscious about it. The End.

FourAlarmFire · 16/08/2018 08:04

(We buy pull-ups with our weekly shop. Our local Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Waitrose all sell them in sizes 3-5, 4-7 and 8-15).

EvaHarknessRose · 16/08/2018 08:07

My au pair lined my bed with bin liners! (the day I had a friend sleeping over, so rustly and embarassing). I think that might be what finally helped me get the hang of it.

ScoobyCan · 16/08/2018 08:15

My youngest refused to use a potty and instead jumped straight on the loo at 2.5 and was dry day and night from then on. My eldest (same dad) was 7.5 before he was dry at night. It was only when I chucked STBXH out of the former marital home that my eldest stopped night time bedwetting. I am sure the removal of his dad helped hugely with the night time dryness just two weeks later (for info, eldest was also wet daily in Reception. He was terrified of his teacher and wouldn't ask her if he could go, preferring instead to wet himself. She didn't often know he had done it. I was never upset or angry, I wet the bed until I was about 11-12, so it never phased me, I just got on with it. I didn't much like his teacher either - she was dreadful and seemed to have it in for him from the get go. Outrageous behaviour.)

OP - pads are the way forward, put one under the sheet and one over. Change the over one every day. Under is for extra protection. It's not their fault and nappies leak anyway. I never found an overnight one which worked for my eldest. Your 'D'Sis is disgraceful for not supplying you with appropriate night time protection.

SoupDragon · 16/08/2018 08:17

*They do. 8-15 yr old ones in most supermarketsg

No, they don't.

Yes the do. Even Ocado stock them. Maybe they aren’t available in smaller supermarkets who carry a limited range but I bet any good sized one with a big range of nappies do.

EdisonLightBulb · 16/08/2018 08:19

Thesearepearls is talking shit.

Out of DS and his peers 3 wet the bed until 11. DS (until 6) J (until 8) T (until 11)

All now 24, two graduated with First degrees, T got a 2:1 but he did go to Oxford! All are happy, well adjusted adults with good families, lots of friends and no psychological issues at all.

DD was dry at night just before 3 and before her older brother of three years. Neither were treated or brought up any differently at all.

Neither wore night nappies except on holiday or staying at GPs, and DS still peed the bed and I kept changing them in the night. For bloody years. His bedroom always seemed to retain a very faint whiff of pee despite the disinfectant.

Back to OP, I don't think it is unreasonable at all that when her niece and nephew stay that she is provided with sufficient DryNites, waterproof sheets and bedding to protect her home.

I am not sure why her sister thinks it is reasonable that as well as looking after her DC full times for at least a week she should be expected to deal with all the extra soiled bedding.

LagunaBubbles · 16/08/2018 08:26

They do. 8-15 yr old ones in most supermarkets

No, they don't

At the risk of turning this into a pantomime, yes they do. I have seen them in Tesco, Asda, Sainsburys, Morrisons. Are you in the UK?

Weepingangels · 16/08/2018 08:29

Refuse to babysit again. Kids wear dry pants or help with all washing and cleaning. Its not their fault but nor is it yours. Your sister is responsible here.

I would go to her house, use all her washing liquid and tumble dryer considering her apathy. She put you in an awful position and your neice and nephew too. There is no shame in dry pants, she is humiliating her children not them. I wear tena ladies, apparently this should be "embarrassing since I'm well under 60" but i dont care. It is what it is and i dont hide them in my house.

Reassure the kids but be firm on dry pants or helping clean every day and losing time. You shouldnt have to but your sister has made this situation.

littlepeas · 16/08/2018 08:29

Some shocking ignorance on this thread. One particular poster using her example of two people to represent what is normal - hilarious.

OP - YANBU, hope you get it sorted.