Broken my veganism today

[Stepstepmother]

And had to tell someone!

I’ve been a vegan for a few years - for environmental reasons and the argument that it’s much more possible to feed the world when we eat a plant based diet. It’s genuinely been a sacrifice as I love eating meat and fish and dairy - but I’ve done it. Lately I’ve been toying with the idea of giving myself a secret day off. Just one day, then back to it. That day was today. So I’ve eaten...

A buttery cheese croissant for breakfast
Rare steak with beef dripping chips and creamed spinach for lunch
A chicken thigh pita with halloumi cheese, caramelised onions, and garlic aoli for dinner.

It’s all been epic. And totally secret. I’m back on the straight and narrow vegan route again tomorrow and will look forward to my next cheat day in a few years time. But I just had to share.

(I know I’ve posted in AIBU - so, was I unreasonable?)

That’s because the omnivores don’t give a shit and don’t hold the same ideals as the vegans or vegetarians. I don’t think it’s at all surprising, you’ve basically upheld their view that animal products are wonderful

Actually, we respect her sacrifice as it's something most of us would not/could not do. Especially for 3.5 years.

I'd respect your sacrifice (I'm assuming you're vegan based on your view point) if you were not so judgmental and unforgiving about it. You need to support people like the OP, not void all efforts based on one day of weakness.

Who decided it has to be all or nothing when it comes to the diet you follow? I really do wonder why people feel the need to label themselves as a vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian etc. at all! I think this identifying as something is mostly about outward appearances- a badge of honour. Yes it's useful to be able to make a simple statement to family/friends who may cater for you, but you could say 'I prefer to follow a mainly vegan diet, but let me know what you are planning to cook and I will let you know'?

It's a real shame as it discourages people from making positive changes in their diet (reducing meat eating, only buying ethically produced meat, considering swaps from dairy to non-dairy). The pressure is enormous and so no wonder a lot of people aren't willing to try it.

Anyway, OP, you know that you are doing so much good in following a mostly 'vegan' diet 99% of the time, and that's all that matters, so I really wouldn't waste emotional energy feeling guilty for your blow out day. Maybe consider stopping self-identifying as a 'vegan' in such an open way and then you can be free to eat as you wish, following only your moral viewpoint, not anyone else's?

Oh I’m totally the worst vegan ever. Every day is truly a sacrifice. I love meat, the rarer the better. Cheese is the food of the Gods. There is nothing better than fresh seafood. But morally I feel that veganism is better for the world and the planet. I’ve been super strict for 3.5 years - no sneaky bits of cheese, no little drops of milk. I’ve had one big blow out today and back to it tomorrow.

And yet you still managed to do it for 3.5. years!

That's incredibly admirable imo.

You're already doing so much more than most other people!

One of my aunts is also vegan. But she's lactose intolerant and never liked meat... Whereas you can eat all these things, seem to absolutely love them but still manage to abstain most of the time!

Btw.

You could also use the term plant based...

I agree, it's the sanctimonious "I'm better than you because I'm vegan, you are a morally inferior person" attitude from some on here that puts me right off.

Ain't going to convert anyone to veganism if it's such an exclusive club for only the most superior souls. Us mere mortals clearly need not apply.

It seems really hypocritical to expect people to cater for your diet when you are happy to ignore it on a whim for your own convenience and enjoyment

One day in 3.5 years? Hardly a whim. Also you don't know if the OP expects people to cater for her. Not everyone eats out all the time, whether that's at restaurants or peoples' homes. Most restaurants have meals suitable for vegans though the choice is likely to be fairly limited.

I know plenty of vegans who are really encouraging and helpful. One posts about how doing "meat free Mondays" can really help, some post things like voucher links to try plant milks and stuff for their non vegan friends. Just stuff to get people eating less animal products. Personally I'm meat free most days and have stopped with cows milk and just have oat milk in the fridge now but I'm not actually veggie or vegan. The thought of them lecturing the way people on this thread are is mind boggling and that's why I lost it with a certain poster last night, it really pisses me off and the comparison to religion and utter entitlement is unbelievable.
But they're actually mature, sensible people who live in the real world and not in an echo chamber of their own beliefs surrounded by everyone they hang around with being competitively heartbroken over heathens eating a cheese barm.

You need to support people like the OP, not void all efforts based on one day of weakness.

I think most of the people on here wouldn't think that all her efforts were now void. Any good that she did for 3.5 years remains, obviously. But you can't be vegan and eat animal products. That's not meant to offend, it's just a fact based on the definition of vegan.

Don't get the thing about the stomach ache? We're designed to be omnivores. Look at our teeth, for one thing. If you've never eaten meat, ever, I could understand that you might not tolerate meat very well. But if the last time you ate it was 3.5 years ago you'll be fine.

I eat red meat extremely rarely, maybe once a year at most. It doesn't give me stomach ache when I eat it.

And of course breast milk is an animal product! We are animals! It's hardly stupid to point that out. The fact that it's obviously a good thing to give your baby doesn't make it magically non-animal.

Can someone out there invent a name for people that have saved shit loads of resources by not having children? I can then be as sanctimonious as everyone else that labels their life choices. STOP GIVING LABELS TO EVERYTHING. Bad at spelling=dyslexic. Bad at maths = discalcula. Taking 10 minutes to lock up the house=OCD. Yawn.

That's not meant to offend, it's just a fact based on the definition of vegan

Okay, so she can't call herself vegan on a Wednesday, but can on Thursday. The definition isn't so strict that this can't be true.

Bad at spelling=dyslexic. Bad at maths = discalcula. Taking 10 minutes to lock up the house=OCD. Yawn.

Yes, because diagnosed learning disabilities (like discalculia) or potentially severe disorders (the OCD you so casually mentioned) are about people wanting to be sanctimonious...

Wow, I’m quite surprised you managed all that.
I’ve been vegan a year and although I’ve had cravings, I don’t think I could actually go through with eating a piece of meat! Different reasons to yours though.

How you feeling now?

It takes me at least 20 minutes to check the kitchen and then lock up before leaving work in the morning. I recognise this so allow for this in the time it takes me to get to work. I still don't feel the need to label it. I also have terrible concentration. I notice the gap between turning the tv on and it coming on, I can't read without my eyes darting to something else. I recognise that this is on the spectrum of ADHD but I don't need to label it. What you choose to eat is what you choose to eat. I probably haven't eaten meat for months. Never thought about it until this thread.

Why do some vegans have to be such absolute fucking twats about it?

Also, by the 'you're not a vegan then' logic, no one who has ever eaten animal products in their life is a true vegan.

I guess to be 'truly pure' you have to have been raised vegan from birth. Otherwise you are a dirty sinner who will never make it to vegan heaven.

Also, by the 'you're not a vegan then' logic, no one who has ever eaten animal products in their life is a true vegan.

Obviously not. But I would think a person would become vegan and then stay vegan. If they have the odd day eating animal products then they follow mainly a vegan diet but they are not vegan.

@soupdragon - I’m an omnivore and I do give a shit. You are rude and judgemental and I think many people would be glad they don’t share your ‘ideals’.

Well OP you've got way for willpower than I do! I love rare steak! I've thought about becoming vegetarian (i couldn't do vegan) but there's no way I could give up steak!! If you want to carry on calling yourself vegan then do it! It's your life. Your choices :) x

I recognise that this is on the spectrum of ADHD but I don't need to label it.

It is great that you don't need to label it. It's also great that you're apparently able to just "deal with it".

Which is absolutely wonderful, it's great for you.
But many people aren't that lucky.

Other people may need "that label" (to get therapy and medication) to survive. Or to live "well".

I think you should also recognise that your situation (your potential ADHD) doesn't give you any kind of insight in other people's health issues and how they choose or have to deal with them.

" one day of weakness"

"will look forward to my next cheat day in a few years time"

Doesn't sound like a spontaneous bout of weakness to me.

Obviously not. But I would think a person would become vegan and then stay vegan. If they have the odd day eating animal products then they follow mainly a vegan diet but they are not vegan.

What about people like my cousin? She has been on and off vegan for a long time (I means years on, years off, being vegetarian in between, sometimes even having periods of only eating 'quality meat' in between).

She has not eaten animal products now for about 4 years and is very strict and sanctimonious about it. She is also raising her 2 year old vegan and again is strict with it. But who knows, in a couple of years she might go back to just being vegetarian.

Is she 'not a vegan' then?

To be honest, I don't even know why I wasted the energy typing that, because really, I couldn't give a fuck.

Oh I've had therapy. And tried meds. Nay good. Still don't feel the need to label fucking everything.

What really pisses me off on MN is when someone encounters another person behaving badly in real life and then has to consider whether or not they have special needs. Generally speaking. Adults/children behaving badly=being inconsiderate.

To be honest, I don't even know why I wasted the energy typing that, because really, I couldn't give a fuck.

Then I won't waste my energy typing a response to your questions.

There is so much pure joy in the OP I laughed out loud reading it. The “you’re not a vegan” posters all sound miserable as sin.

Drawing my own conclusions.

What really pisses me off on MN is when someone encounters another person behaving badly in real life and then has to consider whether or not they have special needs. Generally speaking. Adults/children behaving badly=being inconsiderate.

That I agree with.

Maybe s/he had [insert whatever].

Me occasionally: I was actually diagnosed with [...]. And that's not an excuse to behave this way!

I personally needed a label to get medication. And therapy... Which has so dramatically increased my wellbeing, quality of life, the ability to regulate and express my emotions... (So yeah. "Much" good in my case. Luckily. Unfortunately a bit "less good" when pregnant...)