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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if it's futile trying to stop a 7.5 year old boy showing off and being silly?

335 replies

Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 18:13

Exactly that. He'll try to be the real clown, the silly one - sometimes it's good natured, other times (like today in a changing room with two other kids, a girl and a boy that he's doing a swimming class with) he starts shouting, 'I can see you vagina and your penis!'.

It's embarrassing and very annoying. If it's not that sort of stuff, it's just generally trying to push boundaries, be the funny one.

How do I stop it? Can I? Am I being realistic given his age? He
We talk to him about it and I think he 'hears' but then, in the moment, of course he does exactly the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 20:10

I understand that Loopytiles, which is why I've taken on board the helpful advice on this thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 20:13

Just because you've taught 2,200 students, doesn't mean you've done it well. I mean, I only have your own self-satisfied opinion to rely on, don't I?

Bye bye Boss witch.

OP posts:
Nunya · 15/08/2018 20:14

Clickety, Seriously? You don't think a 7 year old should not only know what the actual names of their body parts are but also when it is appropriate to say these words!?

upsideup · 15/08/2018 20:14

OP what did the children or parents of the other children do when this happened?

Original poster
Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 20:15

There was one parent, Upside. He didn't say anything. If he's there tomorrow, I'm going to go and speak to him.

OP posts:
GogoGobo · 15/08/2018 20:22

I think it’s time to find a new career Boss Witch. You don’t sound like you should be teaching anymore from your choice of words to describe children.

Original poster
Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 20:24

I think it’s time to find a new career Boss Witch. You don’t sound like you should be teaching anymore from your choice of words to describe children.

Thank you! Some support for this outrageous terminology. She says she's been rated outstanding, but I'm guessing by her mother, not Ofsted

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 15/08/2018 20:25

The OP has recognised there is a problem, and has come on to ask for advice.

How hard is it, BossWitch, and others, to provide constructive advice? Many have done just that, but it seems to be a real struggle for some you.

You're not covering yourself in glory.

Original poster
Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 20:26

Thank you, Dowager

OP posts:
ApocalypseNowt · 15/08/2018 20:27

To throw something in I note you said you had a word with him "on the side". When my DD's are being daft in public/showing off I actually find saying loudly "Don't think because you're in public you're not going to get told off" then explaining why i'm cross/why what they did was wrong more effective than having a word on the side.

That's ignoring what he actually said. If any of my DC came out with something like that they'd have the telling off in public then a hard word about why that's unacceptable in private.

TheDowagerCuntess · 15/08/2018 20:29

You have to wonder if BossWitch spoke to the Mum who was 'begging her for advice' in the same manner.

funinthesun18 · 15/08/2018 20:32

BossWitch
You’re a teacher and you’re calling a 7 year old a little twat/ little tosser. I think I would get banned if I said what I want to say to you.

PheasantPluckersSon123 · 15/08/2018 20:32

A lot of people spewing hateful comments against a little boy. He’s just a child for god’s sake, they say dumb things. You’ve had some good advice OP amongst the bile.

I bet the comments would be different if this child was a girl, it seems a lot of risicukous jusgemental posts are coming from pearl-clutching mothers of girls and BossWitch who quite obviously hates men and should most definitely not be working in education.

BertieBotts · 15/08/2018 20:33

Mine is like this too. We are doing assessment for ADHD now he is 9. I don't know that he would make comments involving body parts but he gets carried away in wanting to make people laugh and doesn't seem to have a sense of where the boundaries are - this is despite being told and having consequences. I've also tried conversations where we really try to get through to him what the effects are on others. There's been some hint of bullying (unfortunately so muddy we're not really clear what happened - we're abroad and the school culture is so different here and the teachers are not communicative with parents) even though when you get him on his own he's very kind and considerate of others - it's as though when he's in a group/has an audience the "clown" persona comes out and overrides everything else. It can be very draining and our main concern is that at 7 or 9, it's a stupid comment or an embarrassing move, but by the time he's 13, or 15, or 17, what is he going to be doing to show off? Is he going to be smoking or stealing or harassing girls or doing dangerous stunts? It does not seem to make a difference how we deal with it because in the moment he just doesn't process any of the consequences, he just goes for it to a degree that other children his age already know not to. We can't supervise him all the time the older he gets (children his age are already expected to have a higher level of freedom and independence here compared to the UK) which is why we're looking in to interventions.

There are other things going on of course, it's not just being driven from this angle but that's just what my feelings are on the kind of behaviour you're talking about.

HighwayDragon1 · 15/08/2018 20:36

I understand that in this case t may not be sexually motivated, but it is hugely embarrassing and degrading for the girl/boy he has shouted it at. My 8 year old girl insists on wearing a crop top to school in PE days because of comments "made in jest" not just to her but other in general about their bodies. She's 8 she shouldn't feel self conscious about her body. This happened in a ladies changing room, this is a space where girls like my daughter should feel safe and comfortable. If he can't control himself he shouldn't be in there, no ifs, no buts.

MistyMinge · 15/08/2018 20:37

I'm shocked at some of the replies on here. How easy your lives must be with your perfect parenting.

He's 7 for fucks sake. I'd struggle to find a 7 year old that hasn't t acted the clown or tried to show off in front of others. He said vagina and penis - shock horror quick call the police Hmm.

Op my nearly 6yo DS1 is also a show off and acts silly like this at times. Being told off just doesn't seem to bother him.

I'm watching with interest and looking out for some sensible advice, rather than unhelpful criticism.

I read a post last night on which posters were struggling to understand why lately mumsnet has a reputation for posters being unfriendly and bullying......

SideOrderofSprouts · 15/08/2018 20:38

I have to say that whilst you don’t think there is anything wrong with what he shouted and that he was just showing off, that as the mother of two girls who would be mortified I do.

You seem to want people to back up that it isn’t anything major and attacking people who don’t agree

If it were me it would be harsh consequence, I would be mortified if my son did that and he would be removed from swimming lessons until he can learn to behave.

gower4 · 15/08/2018 20:42

Mistyminge - I agree with some of what you say, but there's quite a difference between almost 6 years old and 7.5. I did wonder about ADHD to be honest, and I'm not saying that to criticise - I emphasise it's based purely on personal experience.

ItLooksABitOff · 15/08/2018 20:44

You need to remove him from the swimming pool/changing rooms and leave every time he does this. Even if it's before swimming. Too bad, so sad.

I know it's not just you but I'm really freaking tired of people making excuses for NT boys who behave like this.

funinthesun18 · 15/08/2018 20:45

I have to say that whilst you don’t think there is anything wrong with what he shouted and that he was just showing off, that as the mother of two girls who would be mortified I do.

It’s not just mothers of girls who would have a problem with it. There was a boy in the changing room too, so it’s nothing to do with being a “mother of girls” or just girls feeling uncomfortable.

Original poster
Pushpins40 · 15/08/2018 20:45

Re: ADHD. What cluster of behavioural traits should I be looking at - to see whether this might be something?

OP posts:
ItLooksABitOff · 15/08/2018 20:47

and yes, DD developed this fixation about her weight at 7 because of some boy in her class, so I got onto the teacher and got it nipped in the bud. He needs to learn to respect other people's space & privacy.

gower4 · 15/08/2018 20:49

I don't know that much about it although we do know someone who has it. In very broad terms based purely on personal experience - very weak impulse control, getting over-excited when in groups (and I mean more over-excited than anyone else), if that makes sense. Mainly not being able to self-regulate in the way that others do.

peachgreen · 15/08/2018 20:50

Good grief, the responses on this thread. OP KNOWS that her current strategy isn't working. That's why she came here to ask for advice. Calling someone's child "a little tosser" is so utterly unpleasant and completely unhelpful. I sincerely hope BossWitch never ends up teaching my children because as an ex-teacher myself I don't believe any decent educator could ever speak that way about a seven-year old child.

OP, you've had some good advice on here already but I just wanted to say that I very clearly remember my whole year group being called into a special telling off assembly at ages 7-8 because loads of kids had got silly during swimming lessons and been running around sneaking looks into other kids' changing cubicles and shouting about bums and willies etc. And that was dozens of kids all doing the same as your son.

It's not sexual in any way, and anyone who thinks it is has a very weird view of kids. They know it's "naughty" and that's why they do it. But it's not about sex.

llangennith · 15/08/2018 20:51

He doesn't have ADHD.