AIBU to take 11 month old to docs over behaviour??

[Anonymouse2]

Go easy on me, I’m feeling delicate.
I have just spent over an hour trying to console my 11 month old son. He woke up around 8:30pm so I winded him, checked his nappy, gave him a sip of water etc. Then he spotted his empty milk bottle on the side and he lost his mind. And I’m not talking crying or even screaming; this is actual wailing, head butting, clawing my face, biting me, kicking, hair pulling, throwing himself backwards.
It’s not a new thing. He’s been doing this since he was around 7/8 months old and it’s escalated from once or twice a fortnight to once a day or more. It could literally be triggered by anything.
At first, I put it down to frustration and trying to assert himself and find his freedom as they do at that age but each month passes by and it gets worse. Developmentally, he’s bang on track.
I’ve mentioned it to numerous health visitors and flagged it at his 10 month review. All I get is “it’s totally normal. It’s a phase. Try ignoring him or walking away.” Those two nuggets of advice FYI are not an option here - I’ve tried everything from cuddles, singing, distraction, massage, to letting him cry it out in a cot or on the floor, turning my back to him, or even gentle swaddling which worked as a baby. If I put him down he scrapes his face along the carpet and headbutts the floor. He headbutts the cot and gnaws the bars like a caged animal. If I pick him up he hurts me or throws himself around enough that I feel I’m going to drop him.
I am at the end of my tether and so is my husband. We have a 6 year old too who never complains but it’s becoming apparent that she’s not getting enough sleep.
Tonight it got so bad I decided to video it and I’ve told myself I’m taking it to a doctor. Except I have no idea what to say to a doctor or what a doctor can even do about it. I feel like a failure as it is.
Does anybody have any experience of this? Is it a phase? I’m lost.
On a side note, when he’s not having one of these episodes, he’s actually the happiest little human on the planet. He’s a joy to be around and he plays and he gives affection and he babbles away all day long. Which is part of my frustration because everybody thinks he’s this happy, placid, smiling little cherub.
Please help!!!!

Could he head butt hard enough go to cause bruising or other injuries?

My daughter does this but has development issues to the health visitor has flagged it as tests need doing then flagged development delay because she’s 20 months they won’t diagnose it as a problem yet i would insist your health visitor does something say your extremely concerned

My concern would be if this continues when he’s bigger and stronger then you’ll have a battle on your hands to control him. For peace of mind make an appt and show the doctor when you’ve filmed. From my very limited experience, my DS didn’t act like this at 11 months despite being strong willed.

Hi . Parenting is hard work isn’t it? Iv not any advice per sei I’m sorry. I wanted to say you will get through it, be strong and enjoy the good days. I spent many times wondering what was wrong and wished I’d got him checked for a reflux, does he seem in pain?? I read your post and felt like you knew my child! How is his sleeping??

I wonder if something happened when he was born & he is “ out of line” somehow - not in pain all the time but when it hurts, it drives him mad? Perhaps cranial osteopathy might be something to try.

You can try, but in my experience GPs will do their best to fob you off and make you feel like you’re being that parent when they’re that young. I suppose it’s partly because the system is heaving and partly because a lot of babies do go through phases.

To me, it sounds like sensory issues.

I'll be honest and say that my first thought was, yes, goodness, YABU, but that was because I have never come across such physically outraged behaviour in such a young child. The only thing I can think of is perhaps some sort of food ingredient that he is eating which may well seem innocuous enough, but is setting him off. I'd suggest keeping a food diary, including drinks, and reading labels to see where there are any links. Orange squash can be a trigger in some children, for example.

I would say the safest place for him when he is trying to process this would be in his cot. Definitely take a video and show it to the doctor, but also, keep an eye on the labels of what he is eating.

It’s not unheard of for a child of that age to be strong willed and demanding. Does he do it at any other time aside from bed? Could it be that he has thrown a massive tantrum like this before and it worked (as in he got his own way) so now the screaming has amplified until he gets whet he wants again?

My ds did similar but not quite as extreme at a similar age. Nothing I did calmed him down so I used to just put him on the floor and leave him to it. It got better as he got more mobile and was less frustrated. It was his terrible twos but just an awful lot earlier than most kids. As a two and three year old, he was actually pretty calm.

If nothing you do helps to keep your ds calm, I'd put him somewhere safe, move away but still close and leave him to it. As soon as the fury is over, swoop in and console him.

He sounds like he is in pain but there are no tears or wincing. It’s a high pitched squeal with clenched fists. I’ve seen him in pain and he cries and seeks comfort. This is very different. He does suffer a little with wind during the night but it’s usually resolved with a bit of winding or rubbing his tummy. He mostly sleeps through the night though.
I’m also worried that if it goes on much longer he’ll be too big for me to manage. I’m only petite and I already find it quite difficult (not to mention exhausting).

My DS was always very vocal about his wants and as a baby was very determined, by this I mean not easily distracted out of a tantrum. What would have happened if you would have moved the bottle straight after he saw it? He did have bad wind as a young baby but had resolved by the time he was 7 months ish.
I would keep a diary of issues like this, including his routines and food and go to the GP’s.
It may be normal I.e ‘high maintenance’ personality or it could be sensory issues.

Oh op I do feel for you. Without seeing it, it's difficult to comment but my initial thoughts would be:
Be consistent at all times (and dh)
As you have been, distract wherever possible
Put him down if he hurts you. Keep cushions/pillows/bean bags handy so if he head bangs move him onto a soft surface
Don't talk to him while he's,cross

It is probably a (bloody awful) phase and may well improve when his communication or physical skills develop further. You sound lovely and are clearly trying everything. Be kind to yourselves too.

Teaching Makaton at this stage will really help him to process his emotions, specifically the signs for "more", "milk", "calm down" and "sit down".

Sensory lights, ceiling projectors, music - think whale music, rain, storm -bubble fish tubes, anything where you can put him in his cot and leave him to calm down.

It would be reasonable to see your GP. Yes of course it might just be a phase etc. But it does sound like a pain response. Your GP could at least do things like check his ears, make sure there's nothing obviously causing pain, make sure it all sounds fine.

Winding back a tad here - he indicated through body language, pointing with his eyes, that he wanted milk, you indicated no.
I reckon he's trying to get his needs met.

It sounds like pretty normal tantrum behaviour to me, but I had a nuclear level tantrummer.. when he saw the bottle was he upset because he wanted more milk ? He sounds overtired and frustrated, but I would worry that something was hurting. It is hard because he is so tiny, as he gets bigger at least he will be able to explain. I agree with pp that keeping a food diary might be an idea. I also agree that seeing a cranial osteopath is worth a try. There used to be a children’s cranial osteopathy centre in London, I’m not sure if they are still there, I assume so.
Did anything change at 7-8 months ?

Does he behave this way for other people in other contexts?
When he has these 'tantrums', what do you do to calm him?
It could be a whole host of things, a developmental issue, sensory issue, communication issue or learned behaviour as in if he does these things he eventually gets his own way.
I would go back to your health visitor and insist they take you seriously.

My BF's DC both had various food allergies and found that cranial osteopathy really helped. If he is wanting milk overnight he could also be hungry, is he starting to explore walking movements yet? 11 months is a big age for being physically and mentally exhausting through development and growing.

So:

Makaton
Dr's appt
Food and mood diary
Cot as safe zone
Lots of sensory, calming distractions.

And a hug for you!

My son had huge tantrums daily from a young age. He has intense emotional reactions and although he manages them better he is just like this. It’s always better to let him tantrum, be calm, be near, keep them safe. But that full tantrum has to run it’s course, cajoling will only make him worse until he’s on the curve down as it were. Find the safest place possible, a completely soft playpen, or your arms, or a mattress on the floor.

However it is worth noting daily what the trigger is, and keep a daily diary of times etc.

That might show you the reasons why a bit more. Then you can share them with a health visitor or Dr.
Seeing a milk bottle when you are giving him water is a real trigger for example. In that instance, if he just woke up he was probably very hungry. My son needed a bottle straight away, he was too intense to wait for anything. I never ever showed him the bottle until it was ready. He would scream down the place!

If he is very volatile then having a very careful consistent routine will help.

My son did this at night and/or before sleep if he was tired. It was like nothing I have ever seen before, really raging, kicking head going, etc. His eyes were open but he wasn't there... I learned I had to leave him and he woud eventually calm down and let me put him to sleep. I am not sure if your wee guy does it any time, or just when he has been asleep or is tired? (sort of like a night terror www.nhs.uk/conditions/night-terrors )

Does he go to nursery and display this behaviour? Does he do it when he’s left with grandparents etc?
I think at 11 months the GP is unlikely to offer much support. Probably a referral to paeds but there isn’t going to be a lot they can do at this stage other than watch and wait. Depending on your area they might offer some strategies on how to soothe him etc so def worth a try especially since he’s injuring himself.

If this only happens at night is he hungry ? I know everyone seems so concerned about babies overeating but I would be tempted to give him more milk as he clearly told you he wanted a bottle. Honestly your sanity is the most important thing , I still fed my two ds during the night at that age, they were bf but my priority was to settle them so we could all sleep.

I don't understand then why not simply put the empty bottles away after use, so he can't see them.

Also, he might be thirsty or hungry. It would be pretty normal to tantrum when hungry. Are you absolutely sure he is getting enough food and drink? It's normal to need more milk during a growth spurt. It's also comfort when teething or poorly.

You say "anything" sets him off. This is unlikely. Hunger, tiredness and frustration will be what causes the behaviour. He is expressing how he feels. A tantrum is when a toddler has feelings or emotions that are "too big" for them to cope with. Adults have capacity to cope calmly with a whole range of intense feelings. Babies and toddlers do not. As the adult you have to be the safe space for them while they learn to cope safely with their feelings.

If you know the milk bottle is a trigger please just hide them. He is too young to understand why you are refusing to give him more milk.

He had a bottle at 7:30 and had a meal just before 6 so he wasn’t hungry. But he is very attached to his bottle. He only has 2 a day now but moving onto a cup worries me. However that’s a whole other issue that I haven’t got space in my head for right now! . When he sees his bottle he gets agitated and cries until he gets it. If he didn’t see a bottle he wouldn’t want for it if that makes sense? He is a great little eater.
Lots of people suggesting food diaries so I might give that a go. He took to weaning really well at 6 months and had no interest in mush by 8 months. He wanted to eat what we were eating and feed himself so that’s a big change for a little tummy.
Thank you all for your lovely words. I feel much better. I’m not discounting any of the other suggestions and will look into sensory and cranial osteopathy too. I will take him to the doctors, if only to have it on his record in case it does escalate any more. Thank you xxxx

Oh op this sounds heartbreaking especially to go from polar opposites of happy chappy to lashing out. I can only think of the very typical things such as teething, if he hasn’t yet got his full set, the aching of teeth breaking and growing could be causing him some distress and he may have been gesturing for milk as a comfort for him. Could also be wind/ good intolerance or constipation? Keep a check of his nappies and the type of poo he’s doing if it’s hard and dark or very runny it could likely be causing him upset and again much like teething this comes in waves and can strike at anytime. These problems mixed with the ‘normal’ behavioural changes you’d find in older babies could be merging together also. I hope you get some answers or some support from your doctor. It’s so difficult to try and pinpoint something with a human that doesn’t have the means to say what’s wrong :( but I’m a strong believer in as a mum you know your child, you know when something isn’t quite right so you need to fight that corner until you feel everything is being done to resolve it.

Once my dd woke in the night screaming in pain I held her all night rocking her back to sleep every twenty minutes as she wouldn’t stay asleep - took her to the doctors they checked her out and said ‘teething’ i knew I my heart it wasn’t, I took her home and she wasn’t herself so I phoned again for an emergency walk In and the second doctor I saw checked her again,the same way as the first to tell me ‘she’s got an ear infection which has ruptured her eardrum she needs antibiotics...’ I was livid that we were fobbed off and in the second doctors ‘opinion’ he believed the first doctor ‘didn’t like giving anyone antibiotics.’