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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take 11 month old to docs over behaviour??

97 replies

Anonymouse2 · 14/08/2018 23:09

Go easy on me, I’m feeling delicate.
I have just spent over an hour trying to console my 11 month old son. He woke up around 8:30pm so I winded him, checked his nappy, gave him a sip of water etc. Then he spotted his empty milk bottle on the side and he lost his mind. And I’m not talking crying or even screaming; this is actual wailing, head butting, clawing my face, biting me, kicking, hair pulling, throwing himself backwards.
It’s not a new thing. He’s been doing this since he was around 7/8 months old and it’s escalated from once or twice a fortnight to once a day or more. It could literally be triggered by anything.
At first, I put it down to frustration and trying to assert himself and find his freedom as they do at that age but each month passes by and it gets worse. Developmentally, he’s bang on track.
I’ve mentioned it to numerous health visitors and flagged it at his 10 month review. All I get is “it’s totally normal. It’s a phase. Try ignoring him or walking away.” Those two nuggets of advice FYI are not an option here - I’ve tried everything from cuddles, singing, distraction, massage, to letting him cry it out in a cot or on the floor, turning my back to him, or even gentle swaddling which worked as a baby. If I put him down he scrapes his face along the carpet and headbutts the floor. He headbutts the cot and gnaws the bars like a caged animal. If I pick him up he hurts me or throws himself around enough that I feel I’m going to drop him.
I am at the end of my tether and so is my husband. We have a 6 year old too who never complains but it’s becoming apparent that she’s not getting enough sleep.
Tonight it got so bad I decided to video it and I’ve told myself I’m taking it to a doctor. Except I have no idea what to say to a doctor or what a doctor can even do about it. I feel like a failure as it is.
Does anybody have any experience of this? Is it a phase? I’m lost.
On a side note, when he’s not having one of these episodes, he’s actually the happiest little human on the planet. He’s a joy to be around and he plays and he gives affection and he babbles away all day long. Which is part of my frustration because everybody thinks he’s this happy, placid, smiling little cherub.
Please help!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymouse2 · 15/08/2018 00:06

We do hide the bottle normally. It’s not the only trigger. For example it could be as simple as being told ‘no.’ He likes to open and close doors, so I tell him no and move him away. Sometimes he just goes and does something else or goes back and tries his luck again. Other times we have an episode like tonight. It could be anything at any time. He’s not in nursery yet but he has done it for MIL a few times and my husband and I get it in equal measures. He’s not fussy!

OP posts:
BuntyII · 15/08/2018 00:12

It does sound within the realms of normal if maybe a bit early. What does he have for comfort apart from his bottle. Does he have a dummy or a teddy for example? Young children need help regulating their emotions and a comforter can do just that.

BuntyII · 15/08/2018 00:14

Sorry In terms of your question YANBU to go to the doctor and I would advise you to but I imagine you won't get far if there are no physical symptoms of illness. Children are pretty crazy and they won't diagnose much at this age because their behaviour is so changeable and irrational.

Apileofballyhoo · 15/08/2018 00:26

Does his stomach ever swell up, kind of, and does he do big burps? DS used to do that and being a 'windy baby' went on and on, way past the 'oh he'll stop when he goes on solids, crawls, walks' etc. Turned out he has a gluten intolerance. Just one to think about. It still affects DS's moods now.

Homemadearmy · 15/08/2018 00:32

My eldest ds was similar to your ds. Terrible tantrums, the terrible twos came earlier and never left. Complete Jekyll and Hyde. I was back and forwards to health visitor, doctors etc for years. Thankfully he outgrew the head banging by about 3. He was finally diagnosed with ADHD when he was 11.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 15/08/2018 00:48

So it’s being able to cope with not having his demands or wants met?

Being told No or seeing food or things he wants.

I know it might feel random but it’s not. It’s particularly hard for some children not to have their wants met. Their ‘emotional regulation’ isn’t great. It really helps to reduce the AMOUNT of No and temptations with these kids. They aren’t being naughty, they just have more trouble coping than others.

If they only have to cope with a few things, and it’s handled well, (as in calm, model that it’s fine, they can go mental and you will calmly still be there for them) it can really help.

LeafcutterAnt · 15/08/2018 00:58

Did you try him with a bottle of milk if he wanted it?

TeacupTattoo · 15/08/2018 07:13

My 14 month old is constantly melting down in a similar way. She lays on the floor banging her head with rage and then crying more, quite a few times a day. She is frustrated as does not walk or talk yet and has been teething badly for a while - all aggravated it. I'm not concerned, just very very tired. She also clings to me most of the day. Some babies are much more ragey than others...just like teens differ and adults differ.
I find the less stimulus at night the better for her, she'd definitely go divvy if she saw her cup even if she'd only had milk an hour ago. It does pass, but it's exhausting in the middle of it.

LivininaBox · 15/08/2018 07:29

Perhaps he wants the bottle for comfort, and wants to duck while going to sleep? You could try a dummy?

panago · 15/08/2018 07:33

Can you keep a diary OP? It may help.
What happens just before an episode
What happens during an episode
What you do (how you react)

Take this along with video to your GP and HV. If you get fobbed off the first time, keep recording and go back.

I also agree with pp re: teaching him communication (e.g. sign) will help reduce his frustration.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 15/08/2018 07:36

Is he hungry? Or wanting milk?

Quartz2208 · 15/08/2018 07:36

OP I wonder if you are forcing him to be more grown up that he wants 2 bottles seems low

There is a difference between your needs not being met and you wants and at 11 months it is more need driven

Labradoodliedoodoo · 15/08/2018 07:36

It’s usually teething at 11 months

cantfindausername2 · 15/08/2018 07:40

Could it be night terrors? My youngest had them, usually about an hour after going down. He looked awake but absolutely lost the plot. Picking up made him worse.

Oysterbabe · 15/08/2018 07:43

11 months feels young to me to just be on 2 bottles tbh, mine are milk monsters though. Tbh I'd have just given him a bottle. He's too young to really understand no.

notsohippychick · 15/08/2018 07:44

Can he use non verbal communication such as pointing, eye contact? Is he getting frustrated at not being able to tell you what he wants?

AveAtqueVale · 15/08/2018 07:49

My 13-month old is like this. He’s currently shrieking with fury because he can’t open a particular cupboard. If he’s told ‘no’ about anything he literally just screams and if not intercepted in time it turns into a full-blown tantrum like you’ve described. The only thing that sometimes distracts him is milk - everything else just makes him angrier. Also otherwise an incredibly happy and friendly baby. I’ve just assumed it’s a ‘big feelings’ thing - he just can’t cope with frustration at all, so needs situations where he’s going to feel like that minimising, and lots of help to deal with it. Sometimes I pop him in the sling if all else fails as the movement and tightness as well as being held close seem to help a bit.

Hidillyho · 15/08/2018 07:53

What would happen if you allowed him another bottle? DC is 2 and still has 2 bottles a day. I think it’s a comfort thing.

It could be a ‘pick your battles’ type child with your DS. Say no when it’s dangerous of course but with something like a bottle is it worth it?

DC was a head banger at this age. I’m not sure when they grew out of it but I think it was partly to do with teething and partly to do with frustration of not being able to communicate. As adults we can do what we want when we want but babies rely on adults for everything (eg baby is hungry, parent thinks they have had enough so say no whereas an adult is hungry they will just go get what they want)

I’m not trying to minimise what happening to you as it sounds awful, I just don’t think a dr will do a lot.

divainred · 15/08/2018 07:55

TeacupTattoo Your child sounds like mine except mines a little older

BeBesideTheSea · 15/08/2018 08:05

“Food is for fun until they are one”. You said this started when he was about 8 months. Which is the same age you said he moved on from mush. Did you reduce his bottles at that point?

Food is not dense enough in calories for babies - it fills up their tummies but they do not get enough calories.

It might be an intolerance, or something sensory. But I would address the most simple explanation first - he is hungry. Permenantly hungry. Maybe try 3 bottles of milk a day and see if that helps?

ambereeree · 15/08/2018 08:07

Have you offered more milk? Children do get really hungry at that age and maybe half a bottle would satisfy him?

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2018 08:09

If he doesn’t like the word no I’d try to avoid it. Distraction is great for babies and small children. Having something “new” and interesting for example. I always used to rotate toys so that dd didn’t get bored of them and then the hidden away toy became new all over again.

Have you thought about baby signing? Part of his frustration could be not being understood. I never needed it with dd but some people on here have said it worked wonders. The same with cranio osteopathy.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/08/2018 08:12

I didn’t mention feeding. If your ds needs more milk, I’d give him more milk. Some babies will need more than others and you say he eats well. I also wouldn’t desperately worry about giving up bottles for now. My friends ds struggled with going to cups and still had bottles at 2. I understand the tooth thing but we can’t always have text book kids and let’s face it by the time they get to school they’ve kicked the habit.

AjasLipstick · 15/08/2018 08:17

My DD used to have terrible tantrums at the same age....she started speaking just past 12 months. Single words at first but by 18 months was speaking in sentences. I put her tantrums down to frustration because they went as soon as she could communicate.

For what it's worth, she was and is very sensitive to certain foods. Anything processed or highly coloured might set her off.

blinkineckmum · 15/08/2018 08:20

My dd had tantrums as you describe from about 18 months to 2.5 years. She's nearly 3 now and still fiery but learning to control her emotions.