AIBU to take 11 month old to docs over behaviour??

[Anonymouse2]

Go easy on me, I’m feeling delicate.
I have just spent over an hour trying to console my 11 month old son. He woke up around 8:30pm so I winded him, checked his nappy, gave him a sip of water etc. Then he spotted his empty milk bottle on the side and he lost his mind. And I’m not talking crying or even screaming; this is actual wailing, head butting, clawing my face, biting me, kicking, hair pulling, throwing himself backwards.
It’s not a new thing. He’s been doing this since he was around 7/8 months old and it’s escalated from once or twice a fortnight to once a day or more. It could literally be triggered by anything.
At first, I put it down to frustration and trying to assert himself and find his freedom as they do at that age but each month passes by and it gets worse. Developmentally, he’s bang on track.
I’ve mentioned it to numerous health visitors and flagged it at his 10 month review. All I get is “it’s totally normal. It’s a phase. Try ignoring him or walking away.” Those two nuggets of advice FYI are not an option here - I’ve tried everything from cuddles, singing, distraction, massage, to letting him cry it out in a cot or on the floor, turning my back to him, or even gentle swaddling which worked as a baby. If I put him down he scrapes his face along the carpet and headbutts the floor. He headbutts the cot and gnaws the bars like a caged animal. If I pick him up he hurts me or throws himself around enough that I feel I’m going to drop him.
I am at the end of my tether and so is my husband. We have a 6 year old too who never complains but it’s becoming apparent that she’s not getting enough sleep.
Tonight it got so bad I decided to video it and I’ve told myself I’m taking it to a doctor. Except I have no idea what to say to a doctor or what a doctor can even do about it. I feel like a failure as it is.
Does anybody have any experience of this? Is it a phase? I’m lost.
On a side note, when he’s not having one of these episodes, he’s actually the happiest little human on the planet. He’s a joy to be around and he plays and he gives affection and he babbles away all day long. Which is part of my frustration because everybody thinks he’s this happy, placid, smiling little cherub.
Please help!!!!

I thought what a couple of pps have said about possible sensory issues (although you will likeky be dismissed by GP, particularly at this age).

Babies have a strong desire to suck and it can help to calm them and regulate their systems, particularly if they do have sensory/other issues. A bottle may be what he needs at the moment, agree with pp that he was communicating this need and then couldn’t cope when it wasn’t met.

I would try cranial osteopathy as pp suggested but the sooner the better due to his age, also try and find a good one as they can vary massively.

Also look up sensory processing difficulties and try some activities for him when he’s calm as they can help to settle NT DC too. Things like rolling him up in a blanket and applying deep pressure touch, pushing against his feet while he’s laying on his back, hold him facing you on your knee and rock him backwards and forwards, play a ‘biting’ game where you both bite appropriate toys, give him a thick smoothie/milkshake to drink through a straw. Do it all as a game while singing songs/playing, etc. Try and do as much as you can every day for a couple of weeks and see if that helps his behaviour.

This sounds completely normal to me, I have two DC, the eldest isn't NT but the youngest is, this sounds completely like my youngest at that age, she's 18 months and much better now. She's a high maintenance toddler, constantly attached most days.

Try what pp suggested, I would also try cutting out milk for a while.

If you are concerned then I would go to GP and request a referral to a paediatrician. (My GPs are very good and say if a parent is concerned it is always worth investigating as parents see far more than they do.)
It will take a while for the referral to come through, and you can cancel if the behaviour suddenly resolves itself.

In the meantime, keep the food and behaviour diary. Maybe try to use cups, to see if you can dispense with the bottle trigger.

And tantrums and meltdowns can seem very similar to people who don't know the difference.

My oldest was like this, shed get into a rage from an early age, and didn't handle busy places or changes in routine well at all. Her 'tantrums' seemed excessive and often for no apparent reason. Bedtime involved screaming until over 4 and even sometimes now.
Shes now 6, still very strong willed and tanrums like you'd expect a younger child to. Shes very bright and well behaved at school though I think its just that her personality showed early and shes very strong willed and likes things done a certain way, possibly has sensory issues too.

To be honest at that age if mine had wanted milk I’d have given them milk. I know you say he’s not hungry as he had a bottle at 7.30pm but it’s impossible to know really, my appetite is higher some days than others so I assume that’s the same for children too. Plus he could very possibly be having a growth spurt.
In terms of the behaviour, mine never reacted that strongly (although mine never really tantrummed at all!) but I know other babies that have behaved like that. They did grow out of it!

Agree with PPs re. sensory/diary/foods etc.
However, just wanted to add (from distant memory) our youngest DD -now teenager- was the most placid and sunny baby/toddler. However, just before a tooth came through she was like a different child in terms of behaviour. Even worse, in the run up to her making a leap developmentally , speech/walking etc, it was as though she had a personality transplant. She didn't express it as physically as your DS , but she was more angry vocally and mood wise. (I hope I'm making sense here). The teething aspect was easy to make the link. But the developmental leaps took us a wee while to recognise. It was definitely frustration for her in those times. I could be way off the mark here but worth keeping in mind.

Give him milk.

2 year old DS2 sleeps in my bed and gets milk (breastfed) when he asks for it (I've been gently weaning him though so it's not often anymore). His molars are coming through, so he's upset more often at the moment.

Don't try to impose arbitrary rules on him, give him milk if he asks for it, the sucking is likely to be soothing his teeth.

I can see where pp’s are coming from with the milk however personally I think 11 months is a little late in the day to start giving milk at night again. It’s causing more issues than it’s solving in the long run - and he’s exhausting as it is without throwing night feeds and broken sleep back into the equation. That’s not to say those two bottles are going anywhere. DD still had a cup of warm milk twice a day until she was at school. I’ve no issue with it. Adding a night feed I just think is unecessesary when he’d be happy with a drink of water had DH not forgotten to take the bottle downstairs when he’d finished. He stopped drinking his afternoon bottle naturally around 10 months.

It’s not necessarily a night bottle but maybe more during the day he should be on 22 to 32 is.

Teething and hunger make frustration 100 times worse

When does he have his 2 bottles OP?

I think pp's are suggesting generally upping his number of bottles/time with bottles during daytime. Not waking him for night feeds.

It's so hard. On the one hand it's important to record what's setting him off exactly each day - but on the other, as quartz says - an underlying hunger or teething pain will make him lash out at random things which are unconnected to the actual problem. Like us lashing out at inanimate objects because we're stressed about money, for eg.

I'd probably give him a bottle then.

However my first thought was could you start baby signing with him? It would give him a means of communicating what he wants. Some children get very frustrated at not being able to express their wants and needs and signing helps.

Mine still had 4 bottles at the age including in the night if they woke up which they still did at that age. Are you sure he doesn’t want more milk? Two bottles a day doesn’t sound that much and they get their calories from milk rather than food.

My eldest used to head bang in frustration but grew out of it once he was able to do more.

I’m curious about his triggers.

I’m wondering if you should give him more flexibility. Banging cupboards, pots, pans, etc. is totally annoying however you need to let him explore. Do you think there are too many ‘NOs’ in place and he’s reacting to too many imposed restrictions? Exploration is very important at this age and yes, it’s a pain in the backside to accommodate but maybe that’s what your LO needs at this point.
I’m only speculating OP. And this is SO not an attempt to analyse parenting skills or anything remotely like that.

My initial thought was sensory/ASD which can present with these very physical tantrums- head butting especially. That being said, DS is on the spectrum and has never had tantrums. My point is ASD is multi-faceted and doesn’t offer a one-size-fits-all presentation. I’d say your LO is more likely a frustrated toddler more than anything else.

Defo up his daily (not nightly) milk intake. See if it helps.

He should have more than 2 bottles a day at his age, surely? And half 8 isn't a night feed. It's been a while since ds was a baby, but he had way more milk feeds than this. Just give the baby more milk FFS.

I think if you took a video of it to the doctor they would just wonder why you didn't give him the milk he wanted. 8.30 isn't middle of the night so not even inconvenient or getting you up in the night. I think you are making things more stressful than they need to be. It's the first thing I'd have tried and mine haven't grown up into spoilt brats because i gave them milk when they wanted it as babies

If you choose to go down the food diary/intolerance route, the place to go is www.fedup.com.au.

Loads of information from Royal Prince Alfred Hospital's Allergy Unit, stories, linked fb pages (including the UK) and lists of dietitians who have skill in food reactions (doctors don't and not all dietitians do), including those who will skype.

Best of luck.

I too would at least try him with a bottle. I know you say that's going backwards, but if he feels he needs a bottle then what is wrong with him having a bottle?

My daughter is 16 months and still has multiple milk feeds throughout the day and sometimes night, especially when going through a growth spurt. Sometimes it's just for comfort, sometimes it's because she does actually want milk. The baby is still so young, why would you deny milk if that's what they want? He's probably very frustrated being told no all the time

My DGD was like this as a baby, until my DD cut out dairy products, replacing cow's milk with almond milk, and cutting out butter, cheese, eggs etc. The behaviour improved dramatically. A couple of years on, and dairy is being very gradually reintroduced and she is tolerating these foods much better. Could be worth a try.

DS is breastfed so it's a bit different but I'll generally let him have a bit of milk whenever he gets upset. The sucking and closeness calms him. I'd definitely give more milk, everyone is more reasonable with a full tummy.

Would MIL come to gp with you to help explain?

Lots of evidence of difference settings.

Being hungry makes most people grumpy.

Give him more formula throughout the day. It should still be his main source of nutrition. I don't know about volumes as my baby was BF on demand but at 11 months she was still a total milk monster. A PP said about 32oz which is 4 8oz bottles a day.

YANBU. Take him to the doctors. It could be all manner of things.
My eldest was/can still be just like this. He's now 14 but I knew from him being around 6 months old there was something not right. So many people would tell me 'oh he's just a boy or blame it on my parenting but I still knew something wasn't right. I fought hard but finally got him formally diagnosed. Diagnosed at the with gluten allergies (which meant he'd been in pain) and diagnosed with aspergers. Now he gets so much help and support and is finally turning a corner.
I think mothers should be listened to much more and not passed off as dramatic etc.
Sometimes mums just know!!
Please take him to the docs op, even if it takes years, if you know, you know. Xxx

I do understand what you’re saying about the bottles but their main source of food at that age is supposed to come from milk. It’s hard even for good eaters to take enough calories from food all the time.

I know you said he dropped his afternoon bottle at 10 Months but mine all went through phases of having less then more milk (breastfed so I know a bit different) but I think it’s natural to drop some milk for a while then increase it again. It’s part of self regulating and I think it’s important not to say no to milk when he’s asking for it.