AIBU to take 11 month old to docs over behaviour??

[Anonymouse2]

Go easy on me, I’m feeling delicate.
I have just spent over an hour trying to console my 11 month old son. He woke up around 8:30pm so I winded him, checked his nappy, gave him a sip of water etc. Then he spotted his empty milk bottle on the side and he lost his mind. And I’m not talking crying or even screaming; this is actual wailing, head butting, clawing my face, biting me, kicking, hair pulling, throwing himself backwards.
It’s not a new thing. He’s been doing this since he was around 7/8 months old and it’s escalated from once or twice a fortnight to once a day or more. It could literally be triggered by anything.
At first, I put it down to frustration and trying to assert himself and find his freedom as they do at that age but each month passes by and it gets worse. Developmentally, he’s bang on track.
I’ve mentioned it to numerous health visitors and flagged it at his 10 month review. All I get is “it’s totally normal. It’s a phase. Try ignoring him or walking away.” Those two nuggets of advice FYI are not an option here - I’ve tried everything from cuddles, singing, distraction, massage, to letting him cry it out in a cot or on the floor, turning my back to him, or even gentle swaddling which worked as a baby. If I put him down he scrapes his face along the carpet and headbutts the floor. He headbutts the cot and gnaws the bars like a caged animal. If I pick him up he hurts me or throws himself around enough that I feel I’m going to drop him.
I am at the end of my tether and so is my husband. We have a 6 year old too who never complains but it’s becoming apparent that she’s not getting enough sleep.
Tonight it got so bad I decided to video it and I’ve told myself I’m taking it to a doctor. Except I have no idea what to say to a doctor or what a doctor can even do about it. I feel like a failure as it is.
Does anybody have any experience of this? Is it a phase? I’m lost.
On a side note, when he’s not having one of these episodes, he’s actually the happiest little human on the planet. He’s a joy to be around and he plays and he gives affection and he babbles away all day long. Which is part of my frustration because everybody thinks he’s this happy, placid, smiling little cherub.
Please help!!!!

My strong willed dd2 has tantrums and had from a young age. By 8 weeks old we knew she was strong willed.
She also had chronic severe ear infections which caused inconsolable night time crying.

Why on earth didn't you just give him some milk?? 8.30 is not a night feed.

Why not give him the milk? If you were breastfeeding surely you would not limit it to twice a day.

Sorry, another one here who thinks two bottles is just not enough. Milk is their main source of nutrition before a year old, regardless as to what they are eating in the day time.

I would increase the milk and give him a bottle at bed time.

Poor little boy.

Also, has anyone suggested teething pain yet? DS could work himself up loads when he couldn't tell me what was hurting him yet.

I would give him some milk he is 11months old and growing at a massive rate...

Ok reading your update, you are being too inflexible with his feeds and his sleep. He's still very young and it sounds like you've decided he will sleep 12 hours a night at all costs. Babies don't have wants, they have needs and you're failing to give him what he needs. Any wonder he's frustrated.

Before 1 the main food source should be milk, 2 bottles definitely doesn't sound enough.
I would be giving more milk, he could be hungry.

Ds2 was similar to this, in his case it was frustration, once he was more mobile and independent he was happier - we did have to have a very calm and predictable bedtime routine for him.

I do agree with pps re more milk. Mine were breastfed , at that age they had milk whenever they wanted it, and usually had a big milk feed at about that time, and then another feed at about 11, then would wake in the night too. I was so focused on the tantrums in your post that I hadn’t really twigged that he isn’t getting a feed until the morning ? ( I’d assumed the bottle was full and he was getting cross waiting). That is too long for such a small baby to go without milk. He needs an evening feed, and probably a night feed too. By getting upset about his bottle he is telling you he wants milk, the only way he can.
The reaction to “no” is completely normal, most babies I’ve known did this, as a pp says, avoiding the no where possible using distraction is the thing.
He sounds lovely by the way.

OP it’s occurred to me you haven’t tried everything in that you simply are not giving him what he wants imagine how frustrating it must be to live in a world where people ignore what you are trying to tell them

Yes I agree with Quartz.

Firstly I think 11 months is very young to be having rages. The first thing to do is exclude things like ear infections or things causing pain. Please don't go down the route of thinking there are food causes, there lies the road to madness. I would continue your weaning as it seems to be going well and focus on getting rid of the bottle completely by the age of one. He also does not need any food in the night. You can feed 3 or 4 meals a day and many parents find porridge in the evening helpful as it is slow release carbs. Think about your three meals, are they balanced and sugar-free? Is he getting enough protein? Keep the bottles out of sight entirely. There may be a suckling desire lingering on that he focusses on. Finger foods are very good for satisfying the mouth stimulation pleasure. Please be very wary of going down the alternative therapy routes. Sometimes these things do no good and mask an issue that needs looking at.
Considering cranial osteopathy, remember that babies skulls consist of plates that freely move around without any manipulation and things like overlap in birth self-correct. The fontanelle does not close until 18 mths so plenty of flex. Keep your life simple. There is no need to diagnose disaster

Whilst everyone is trying to suggest all sorts, I really do think that the most obvious solution is to feed him more.
2 bottles for an 11 month old is simply not enough, and going by what you've told us, he's probably hungry.

I have to agree. My three were all still Bf on demand at that age and that included evenings and occasionally through the night.

He’s telling you he’s hungry. Or not even hungry, just that he wants milk. It’s often just as much about the sucking and comfort than anything else.

I have to agree on the more milk thing. He’s not even 1 yet, absolutley no reason not to give him more milk when he clearly wants it.

Give him the damn milk and stop being an ass.

I would continue your weaning as it seems to be going well
Not sure it does sound like it's going well.

Two bottles a day for an 11 month old is no where near enough. I feel really sorry for him, he’s a baby, let him have milk!

Haven’t read the full thread yet sorry but my ds used to bang his head on the floor when he had a tantrum from about 11 months. He was a happy go lucky boy too. He can still at the age of 8 have epic meltdowns. No head banging but throwing himself about. Doesn’t seem to matter what we do he still behaves like this. We ignored the head banging when he was a toddler as he couldn’t really hurt himself and when he finally lost it and did it on our stone floor and did hurt himself it stopped.
Wish I knew how to stop it now but other people have said it’s normal
For this age to still have tantrums (is it? I don’t think so) he just gets so emotional and can’t handle it. No advice sorry.

Omg. I had not twigged you were only giving him two bottles as day and nothing in the morning.

Dd was breastfed. To get her used to bottles and to give me a break from the long feeds, I introduced a morning bottle of expressed milk from a few months old. (I got up earlier than dd and expressed). Dd was definitely having a 180ml first thing at that age. Then she went on to have a few feeds during the day. She went to nursery 1 day a week from 11 months and on top of this expressed milk I provided them with a a mid morning and a mid afternoon bottle, not as much milk as the first. But still a smaller feed.

Babies before the age of 1 are supposed to get their nutrition primarily from milk. Food is there to bulk things out and as tasters. That doesn’t mean at age one you suddenly drop milk feeds down. You let yourself be guided by your child which is something you don’t seem to be doing at the moment.

My nearly 2 year old has 2 bottles of milk a day (for nap time and bed time) still, at this age she was having 3-4. Her weight is fine and she eats very well.
My 9 month old breastfeeds so probably smaller amounts at a time but he has about 8 feeds in 24 hours, if I didn't let him have milk when he needed it then he'd be very unsettled, if he has to wait for a bit he'll start fussing nevermind if I tried to skip a feed completely.

I also want to mention, take this on board but don't feel guilty as some replies seem unnecessarily harsh.
I can see where you might have thought 2 was the limit (think formula mentions it on the side and a friend said her health visitor told her to drop to 2 bottles, though she ignored it)
Its just a lesson learnt to go more by the individual baby rather than strictly by the rough guidelines, as from the sound of this thread barely any are ready to be down to 2 at this age.