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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give up 'good' career which causes me stress and to be unwell?

104 replies

grabbinglife1123 · 14/08/2018 08:28

Anyone here ever had a 'good' career (the type that is very impressive, has involved lots of training, and has potential great earnings) but been unhappy and given it up in the hope of happiness and not living in a constant state of anxiety?

It's the kind of career that is your whole identity rather than a job, so to leave feels really daunting and I know my whole family will be shocked.

I don't want to look back in 30 years and realise that all the stress, sleepless nights and bullshit wasn't worth having the fancy job title. I'm young enough that I can make something in a different sector (I hope, have no idea what it would be) if I start preparing now

I think I need to take the 'risk' and put my own happiness and wellbeing first. It will likely involve a decent pay cut as I'm not really qualified for anything else so will likely take a random job in the first instance to give myself room to think. I'm hoping that at some point I will be able to find a decent job in a related field, but it might take some time.

Sorry about the vagueness. I think it's possibly guessable what career I'm talking about but if I write it in as many words, I'm worried the DM will stick their nose in or something Envy

Life is too short right?? I'm just hoping to hear from others who have risked it and it was worth it

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 14/08/2018 08:33

I wouldn't do anything just yet, but I'd try to get to the bottom of why you're unhappy there. What had you expected it to be like and in what way are you disappointed? I would probably have a bit of counselling, too, to see if that would help make a difference.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 14/08/2018 08:33

Life really is too short! I'm half way through a degree for an occupation that could be incredibly stressful/shit. I'll give it a good few years but if it's not for me I wont give it two thoughts and pack it in

BossyEye · 14/08/2018 08:33

I left a career I had joined as a graduate, after 15 years. It was daunting and difficult to give up the goodwill and reputation I had built and start again. Took a hefty pay cut and retrained as a teacher (bursary available so that contributed towards my training).

It has been one of the hardest things I've done, but 4 years later, I am enjoying it and having fewer doubts about making the right decision.

TheGirlOnTheLanding · 14/08/2018 08:35

I haven't been in thus position, but if it's the job I think it is, I know at least one person who decided the pressure and anxiety of a clinical post was not worth it, and moved sideways into something more research based. I'd say nothing is worth risking your mental health, but if you can possibly manage it, make a plan for a new future before you take the leap - that way you can avoid the questioning and possible criticism which may follow, which is stressful too.

BigGreenOlives · 14/08/2018 08:36

If it makes you ill it isn’t a good job for you.

Original poster
grabbinglife1123 · 14/08/2018 08:37

Thanks all. Should add that I've been unhappy for the last year and a half of working there, but recent changes have just 'topped it off'. If I thought this was a temporary issue then I would definitely not look down this route.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 14/08/2018 08:38

Yes, you’re a long time dead. I had a very stressful job and developed PTSD after being seriously assaulted at work. After 20 years I left a job I loved but it was making me ill.
I now work for a fraction of my previous pay but life is stress free.

EvaHarknessRose · 14/08/2018 08:39

Be strategic, identify an entry level job in an area you could definitely progress in.

Looking is fun and helps you cope a bit too.

ThioSuxTube · 14/08/2018 08:39

Doctor?
If so get out now while you still can!

Original poster
grabbinglife1123 · 14/08/2018 08:40

The job guesses are correct.

OP posts:
museumum · 14/08/2018 08:40

I don’t know what you do but I do know doctors who’ve moved into research / academia. Lawyers who’ve moved into business, scientists into industry etc. I can’t imagine any “big” career job that wouldn’t set you up well to move into something else.

Icantgetnosleep000 · 14/08/2018 08:43

OP sounds exactly like my career. Possibly same one! On mat leave now and not having the constant worry and stress bleeding into my non working hours is lovely. I have my own worries (apparently I need to find something to be angsty about), but I'm honestly much more free as a person since being off for an extended time.

I have also considered going into a different sector but this job is so much of my identity and I worry if I leave I can't go back. I am restarting part time at end of mat leave (very part time) so will see how that works out....

Good luck. I honestly think you can regret a move if youve taken long enough to decide that it's making you unhappy. Life is too short

MissusGeneHunt · 14/08/2018 08:43

@grabbinglife1123 thank you for posting, I'm in exactly the same position and will be shamelessly reading the responses for my own gain...

It's easy from the outside to give advice isn't it?! Life is indeed too short but there are so many practicalities and at the end of the day the sheer guts to make the move.

I wish you well and hope you can shift to a less stressful job. Flowers

Icantgetnosleep000 · 14/08/2018 08:44

Can't not can!

Nikephorus · 14/08/2018 08:44

I had a decent job - nice job title, decent enough salary, team etc. Looked good in theory. In practice I worked 7 days a week & was completely burnt out and depressed. I quit and went self-employed. Haven't regretted it once. Fair enough you probably go self-employed like I could. But life is too short to carry on with something that makes you so unhappy and which affects your health.

FishingIsNotASport · 14/08/2018 08:45

Have you considered setting up a cosmetic treatment business? I know an ex GP who now makes good money just doing botox and filler injections.

Cherubfish · 14/08/2018 08:50

You're right to consider changing careers for the sake of your happiness and mental health, but I think you should give a bit more thought to what you want to do first. Don't just take the first available job or you may find yourself stuck there and stressed in a different way (from boredom and lack of money).

Think about what you want to do. Can you afford to re train?

whattimeislove · 14/08/2018 08:53

You have my sympathy.

You're not unreasonable to have an exit plan. Try to figure out where you could use your skills, or maybe move into a half clinical/half research role? Would a change of setting help (e.g. From hospital into community)?

You're a long time dead, you need to spend your time wisely - that doesn't just mean making money.

ThioSuxTube · 14/08/2018 08:55

Being further down the line I wish I'd left. It's not all bad but it's horribly stressful, and the potential fallout horrific (Hadiza Bawa Garba, Chris Day ETC)
Cosmetics? However crazy high indemnity
Less stressful branch of medicine? Micro, occupational?
Medico legal- but another degree and being a junior solicitor for a bit.
Heard good things about management consultancy, may be worth a look?
Oh and the daily mail are all fascist cunts.

Original poster
grabbinglife1123 · 14/08/2018 08:57

Thank you all for your kind posts, sorry to hear others feel the same.

Unfortunately I am not senior enough to have any real control over where I am working in the industry and am often put in areas which I absolutely hate and can do nothing about.

I have actually considered 'hanging on' for long enough that I could move laterally into aesthetics as a PP suggested. But I can't see myself managing to make it through that far, the way I feel.

OP posts:
rainbowfudgee · 14/08/2018 09:01

Could you go part time OP? Work 3 or 4 days and spend the rest of the week recovering/ relaxing/ getting home stuff done? I'm a teacher and it's stressful- I'm really lucky to work 3 days a week.

BossyEye · 14/08/2018 09:02

OP,

What really helped in my case (not a medic) was a course of counselling for work-related stress, which work paid for through their employee assistance programme. It helped me to get things clear in my head before I made the move. Is anything similar available for you?

Chrisinthemorning · 14/08/2018 09:03

I am a dentist and feel like this but only in the last few years- I am 18 years qualified. I’m toying with the idea of a career change but at the moment plodding on and looking at retirement in around 10 years so early 50s.
If you are early in your career get out now- I would look at medicolegal I think?
Flowers

arranfan · 14/08/2018 09:03

Would you be at all interested into shifting into a research area?

Tweakanddashi · 14/08/2018 09:11

I think that I'm further on than you (20 years qualified). I'm having a career break at the moment for a combination of work stress and caring responsibilities.

I can tell you that I really, really miss work! It has taken me more than 6 months to get to this point but I am now starting to feel like I could go back. So I think might be worth trying a break so see how you feel rather than giving up altogether. (I'm lucky because DH is still slogging his guts out so we can afford for me to be off).

And the work "stress counselling" course that I went on was absolutely rubbish. 2 days banging on about resilience- I am already pretty resilient, but that was used up and overwhelmed some time ago.

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