AIBU to give up 'good' career which causes me stress and to be unwell?

[grabbinglife1123]

Anyone here ever had a 'good' career (the type that is very impressive, has involved lots of training, and has potential great earnings) but been unhappy and given it up in the hope of happiness and not living in a constant state of anxiety?

It's the kind of career that is your whole identity rather than a job, so to leave feels really daunting and I know my whole family will be shocked.

I don't want to look back in 30 years and realise that all the stress, sleepless nights and bullshit wasn't worth having the fancy job title. I'm young enough that I can make something in a different sector (I hope, have no idea what it would be) if I start preparing now

I think I need to take the 'risk' and put my own happiness and wellbeing first. It will likely involve a decent pay cut as I'm not really qualified for anything else so will likely take a random job in the first instance to give myself room to think. I'm hoping that at some point I will be able to find a decent job in a related field, but it might take some time.

Sorry about the vagueness. I think it's possibly guessable what career I'm talking about but if I write it in as many words, I'm worried the DM will stick their nose in or something

Life is too short right?? I'm just hoping to hear from others who have risked it and it was worth it

I gave up a well paid job nearly 12 years ago, moved country and became a sahm who works 1-2 days a week for myself. I did a second degree with the OU but ended up back in the original field on my own terms.

Wouldn’t change a thing.

I'm a barrister, qualified 21 years ago. Absolutely loved It until about 3 years ago. but it sucks up all my energy, I get stress alopecia and hives along with bog standard twitchy eyes. I tried a change in practice area but that was worse.

I can't carry on like this until the age of 65, shouty judges and rude fellow counsel di not make for harmonious working environments. The problem is that I care about the people I deal with -is that the thing for you OP? I've taken a long hard look about what I enjoy about my job. What I really love is making a basic difference in victims lives. So, I have an exit plan which will take a few years but it's a plan. What do you really enjoy about your current job, could you focus it in a slightly different career path?

As someone who did not put themselves first in a high level all enveloping career and struggled on I'd say yes leave.

I kept going as long as I possibly could but I spent years of stress and waking at night worrying about stuff and eventually I broke own and had to leave anyway. Looking back I can't see why I stayed (other than sunk cost fallacy and an attachment to the money I earned) as it all seems such an unnecessary wind-up.

Life is NOTHING without happiness, whatever form or shape that takes for you. When you are stressed and bogged down, even the most joyous moments are tainted. Don't let this ruin the rest of your life, make an active change to seek out what will make you happy. Being happy isn't about just being able to smile on your days off, it's being confidently content with all areas of your life.

As to what your family or friends might think, surely you being happy is their top concern, rather than being able to talk about "Dr Grabbing".

If you can, save some money and take some time out to do the simple things. Go for walks in nature, spend time cooking and feasting, hang out with people that are important to you, take a trip you've always wanted to.

Totally agree that life is too short to keep doing something that’s making you ill. Spend some time thinking about fields that are related but won’t have the stress. After all, you’ve put in a lot of years training, and even if you need to do further training it would be great if you can make use of your medical knowledge and skills

I absolutely wouldnt try to solve this problem by going part time as a PP suggested. Mainly because when it’s the sort of job that’s all consuming and carries a lot of responsibility, you’re still going to feel that, and will end up thinking about work, even if you’re not actually doing it, on your days off. And getting only part time earnings!

Different field - I’m in education - and I know a lot of teachers who work part time because they’re getting burnt out doing full time. Which seems a solution on the surface but most of them end up planning, marking or at least thinking about work on their days off - and then getting part time wages and a shot-to-bits pension at the end of it!

I’m sure with your skills and training there are a number of related areas where you can have a fulfilling career without this stress

I gave up a professional job to be a Mum and now I work freelance, part time for myself. I'm fortunate that DH earns well, and we don't have as much money or savings as we would have had but life is good.

It will be really hard if you have to lose your whole identity. Can you work very part time at all? At the moment you are in a pressure cooker and can't see the woods for the trees but there must be a way you can compromise. A career break to get space and perspective? There will be work for you out there

FWIW I find being part time helps- I do 2.5 days and I’m now much less anxious 4 days a week. I do think about Work when things are bad, but it’s definitely better. I am pt because I have a son as well though.

I left medicine after spending far too much time worrying about what my family would think...turns out they weren't as bothered as I'd thought they would be. Much happier now

What about going into Biomedical or Clinical Sciences? Big shortage of both and research based? You would need to re train but should be paid for by the NHS. Less money but less stress.

A friend who did superbly in his medical studies never got on with the stress of clinical roles. After a few years trying different things ( research roles, voluntary work) he realised it wasn’t for him and retrained as an IT consultant. He is so, so much happier.

There are different types of work pressure. Just because you struggle with the particular type of pressure in your job, doesn’t mean you won’t thrive in another role or profession. It’s not a ‘good’ job if it feels wrong. There are so many other fulfilling roles out there. Good luck!

Shortage of people not of jobs I mean . Our local hospital is desperate for Biomedical scientists.

Would you consider moving overseas? I have a few friends who came to Australia as Junior Doctors. Although a hospital working week is usually around 50 hours anything over 38 is paid as overtime. Seems to be a need for UK trained English speaking doctors in the public health sector here.

Some really helpful replies, thank you for all being kind!

I would consider retraining as anything really, however I would need to have a basic income and reasonable hours due to personal circumstances.

I am already on a reduced hours rota. In a way that's made it worse because there's more time sitting at home stewing about it. I have also just had time off for personal reasons and I think that has just strengthened my resolve that this job makes me unhappy.

Not many people retrain from my job so there isn't much online with advice or guidance as where to even start looking. What a pickle I'm in!

(Again, sorry for vagueness, obviously trying to retain anonymity).

In a way that's made it worse because there's more time sitting at home stewing about it.

While you're considering your options, you'll help yourself enormously by not thinking about work when you're not there. Or if you can't do that restrict it to 20 minutes a day at a set time (like 9am not not 2am!). Be firm with yourself! Distract with tv or a walk etc.

In a way that's made it worse because there's more time sitting at home stewing about it.

I find that when it comes to big life changes, the most stressful time is when you are researching and trying to work out your options. Once you had made up what you want to do, the implementation itself, whilst full on, is less emotionally draining.

Use this space to think and mull. You have to dig into yourself to find the answer. Don't get pressured about getting stressed because it is very normal.

Have you considered locum/agency work? My dh is a clinician, has never had a permanent job apart from his pre reg year, has had many offers but he prefers the flexibility of being a locum. For the most part, he can do the job, come home and forget about it.

Not many people retrain from my job so there isn't much online with advice or guidance as where to even start looking. What a pickle I'm in!

You might want to start a separate thread, namechanging if that helps, with your career in the title to ask for ideas which might be more relevant to medicine. If you leave out the personal background, the thread is hopefully less interesting to the DM. That way, the suggestions for career change are more relevant to your current skills.

I frequently see solicitors threads asking for similar advice.

Have you read the book "This is Going to Hurt" by Adam Kay. It is about a junior doctor's experience of training in the NHS but he eventually quit as well.

Actually the figures for those who leave clinical careers after graduating are about 17% - I always thought.

If you are 2-3 years in, go back to your University and see if you can see a careers advisor - most offer a service to their graduates for a certain period.

If you think you still want to consider clinical options - can you swap specialty pathway (people do it and find a better fit), take a year out and locum here or abroad? Or just take a year out?

You can now get postgrad loans for a masters so you can quickly move into a related field and do a higher qualification- it’s a buyer’s market at the moment.

Scour Medical School websites for education and teaching roles. Often these are aimed at non-clinical people and can be delighted to get a qualified doctor in. But you will be paid the non-clinical rate.

Finally, while there are some distinctive pressures involved in being a doctor, remember all well paid jobs will have pressure and responsibility- that can sometimes be forgotten. So if you move career completely, think about what you want more generally. Don’t chase another profession, if actually you hate the long hours and being the one to make the big decisions.

I left my career as a midwife earlier this year. I was so passionate you would not believe it - I went to conferences, study days, was so involved and really believed I could make a difference.

How wrong I was.

The NHS can be amazing, but also has a deeply ingrained bullying problem and I had to leave. I have paid for private therapy to help with the anxiety that had rocketed, and I have never been happier. I work for around 5-8k less a year and I am so much lighter and freer.

So sorry you're having a tough time OP. I'm sending you so much love xxxxx

Thanks everyone. Lots to think about!

Of the female mothers I know who are/were doctors one is a gp, one did a PhD then mat leave and now looking for a research role and one has/is moving into occupational health for more typical office hours.

No advice only that I would definately do it!
I really like Gwynfluff's post!

There are side routes you could consider like research or policy where your previous clinical experience would be an advantage. That would mean you wouldn’t have to start from scratch again. Even if you hate clinical work you will be extremely well qualified and should be able to make a transfer and sell your skills. Those sorts of roles wouldn’t be stress free though. It depends what you want really- something where you can transfer your status and still be earning well or to start in a new field from scratch (which you might not like either).

Health care ugh! NHS! Atm it feels like it's just getting worse.
I'm leaving too! I'm going back to studying!

The stress in that job isn't worth it anymore. It's making me ill.

I'm currently working in a non career type job that I am ridiculously overqualified for and I have never been happier! I work 7-2 Monday to Friday and the second I am out the door I don't give it another thought. I've just realised I have half my holiday left as I never feel the need to take it due to no stress whatsoever! There is definitely a lot to be said for choosing happiness, once I put my ego aside and stopped worrying about others opinions I've realised that I seem to be a lot happier intrinsically than my high flying friends.