AIBU to give up 'good' career which causes me stress and to be unwell?

[grabbinglife1123]

Anyone here ever had a 'good' career (the type that is very impressive, has involved lots of training, and has potential great earnings) but been unhappy and given it up in the hope of happiness and not living in a constant state of anxiety?

It's the kind of career that is your whole identity rather than a job, so to leave feels really daunting and I know my whole family will be shocked.

I don't want to look back in 30 years and realise that all the stress, sleepless nights and bullshit wasn't worth having the fancy job title. I'm young enough that I can make something in a different sector (I hope, have no idea what it would be) if I start preparing now

I think I need to take the 'risk' and put my own happiness and wellbeing first. It will likely involve a decent pay cut as I'm not really qualified for anything else so will likely take a random job in the first instance to give myself room to think. I'm hoping that at some point I will be able to find a decent job in a related field, but it might take some time.

Sorry about the vagueness. I think it's possibly guessable what career I'm talking about but if I write it in as many words, I'm worried the DM will stick their nose in or something

Life is too short right?? I'm just hoping to hear from others who have risked it and it was worth it

Hi, I really really wish I had got out at your stage. I've never coped with the anxiety and it has screwed my life. I'm actually good at the job and love what it could be but the expectation vs limits of what is available is unmanageable. Doctor bashing is a national past time and the government appear to want to make the failure of the nhs anyone's fault but theirs. There are companies that provide careers advice for medics needing to get out - it may be worth looking at these ? Don't just be another statistic of a capable, compassionate individual broken by the system. I know too many of them. The more you care and the harder you try the more it breaks you.

If you're a medic, consider research, regulatory (NICE or MHRA for example), clinical trial management or medical writing. Being a medic is a fabulous transferable skill for all of those.

I left my stressful career 10 years ago and now do a stress-free job, but with low pay. I’m so much happier and don’t regret it at all.

But if I was doing it again I wouldn’t rush into it, and would have done a sideways move into a job which used my skills and experience so I would potentially be higher earning in a better career by now.

Yes yes yes. Leave medicine behind. Onwards and upwards. Unfortunately the NHS, politicians and the media will chew you up and spit you out.

A colleague of mine could have written your posts op. Colleague is lovely, has confided in me doesn't talk about this openly. I wish i disnt know. I've grown to hate working with someone who is so desperate not to be there. I find myself losing patience and compassion, increasingly irritated. I really want to say to this person to do the job or leave. I went through my own process with that decision so I know how hard it can be but there's no avoiding the plunge. Take it op!

I know a city solicitor on very good money who gave it up in their late 20s to become a gardener. And two on very good money in financial services who gave it up to be taxi drivers.

@Finfintytint - Me too. I left a better paying job for a minimum wage one. I go to work, do my job & come home. Perfect for me right now.

It’s not something I’ll be doing forever, as I do intend to either Go back into something similar to before, or possibly re-train to do something else. My mental health was at risk though, so I had to do something.

I've sent you a private message, op.

What elements of your work environment are causing you stress and anxiety? What has happened recently to make it worse?

I did. I left 18months ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I wish I'd done it years ago.
I now work in a different field. I work more hours (I was part time before) and earn less money, but my happiness and health has improved beyond measure.
Every aspect of my life has improved. I would never go back and I have no regrets.

Yes. I left mine 18 months ago.

12 months later I missed it and went back to a similar job, different firm.

However, I work 4 days a week, not 5, 2 from home, so it’s a completely different ball game now. The work itself is probably more stressful but the flexibility balances it out.

Having read ‘This Is Going To Hurt’ recently I don’t blame you one bit!

just a thought op i was in a similar position to you, a different profession though.

could you do locum work for a while? i have done this and love it it has also given me the flexibility to study some thing else whilst still having a good income. If i ever want to go back to said profession i am actually much more experienced thean i would have been staying in one place.

just a thought.

Another watching with interest. I don’t do anything as skilled as Medicine or Law but have a highly paid global role in a software company. I regularly get spoken to like I am something my clients have picked off the bottom of their shoe, the hours are long due to covering AP and US at opposite ends of our day and the stress I am under is huge. I keep thinking about leaving and changing to work with animals but I don’t feel qualified for anything else and then I feel totally trapped. I’m watching this thread with interest. Total respect for anyone who has changed career

I left my job as a senior lawyer on 6 figure salary and a good shot at partnership in the next year which would have put me on 250k+ going up to about 600k by retirement.

I just couldn’t do it. The stress was incredible. I put on a huge amount of weight, suffered depression and anxiety and felt constantly ill. I couldn’t relax when I was at home.

I’ve now set up my own business. Won’t say what as potentially outing. Possible earnings are 80k max, within about 5 years. Not guaranteed though.

The relief is immense. I’m serene - no other word for it. I feel like my old self - just normal - not some pretend version of me.

Go for it. I thought my partner and parents would be disappointed but they gave a unanimous sigh of relief when I said I was resigning :)

I'd say go for it. There's more to life than work and hopefully you will find your happiness and health using another route. Good luck.

Life is too short to be so unhappy in your job. I imagine the posters are right, with your background you could do a brilliant sidestep into a rewarding, less stressful career. Good luck.

OP haven't RTFT so ignore this if not relevant. If you are a medic have you consider working in pharma? I work with medics who are involved with brand teams ensuring that marketing and promotional materials are accurate etc. Interesting and well paid and, while not stress free, less stress than working in medicine

www.onlymedics.com

I quit medical school for exactly the same reasons OP, felt like the training alone was destroying my mental health and taking away my life and identity. I ended up almost suidically depressed a year before finals. I took a year out to consider my options, ended up falling pregnant, and thought "this bloody career has already taken so much from me, no way in hell am I letting it take my son's youngest years from me as well". So I withdrew from the course and have honestly never been happier. Yes there are definitely times when I wonder if I made the right choice, and I do sometimes feel like I've failed in a way. But then I see my friends from the course struggling through their foundation years, working 80 hour weeks, crying every night after work, having relationships breakdown due to the stress and long hours etc, and I just think "thank god that's not me, life is too short for that crap". When I was thinking about quitting I came across two quotes that really resonated with me:

• "you don't have to stick with a mistake just because you spent a long time making it"

And

• "the prize for winning the pie eating competition is just more pie"

Medicine is that career in my opinion. People said to me "why don't you just finish the course?" but I knew after that it'd be "why don't you just finish your foundation training?" "Why don't you just try training in a specialty?" Then after all that it'd be "but you've spent 10 years getting to this point, are you really going to throw all that away?" Your reward for finishing the exhausting demanding bit of training you're on, is only ever more exhausting demanding training, and the more of it you do, the more time you invest, the harder it is to get out. If you don't like pie, this is not the right competition for you.

Good luck with your choice. Life really is too short though I think.

I know it's a bit trite, but this song always brings things into focus for me. I listen to it whenever I'm having the kind of doubts you currently are.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=nFxjnUPRwx4

@NordicNobody fab song, and very true. I love the quotes too, I actually always find those sorts of quotes really helpful in rough times

I think i have made my mind up that I do need to leave the career. It makes me so very unhappy and anxious all the time. You have all been very kind. I actually fear as well any backlash for leaving the job after having been trained at the expense of the NHS. (I paid basic fees for uni but it costs A LOT to train a doctor). So I'm relieved that no one has come out with that one

OP, I recently qualified as a GP and now work as a locum. I knew from the day I started FY1 it wasn't the job for me but I pushed on, through foundation, through speciality training, and for what? Mostly out of worrying what other people will think. I am still looking at other options but it gets harder to leave the further along you are.

The job was v.bad for my mental health. Used to cry every day and start imagining what it would be like to have a serious injury so I wouldn't have to go in.
Left after finishing what would now be called F2.
My only regret is not leaving earlier.

Oh OP, I just knew from your first post the career was Medicine!

I've suffered with burnout (and treading water now). I don't plan on staying too long after CCT, plan on medico-legal

From my friends still in medicine with some level of enjoyment, some examples:

One works with reduced hours and has a creative business on the side that she devotes her time to
Another moved to Australia 'for a year'. She's now an Australian citizen
Another left and now works for Big Pharmaceutical, staring salary 60K, no weekends, no nights, no bullshit. Requests time off when she wants, no rota crap.