To be irritated by wedding invite

[YogiBear13]

My cousin got engaged a few months ago and we recently received the wedding invites.

I'm 26 years old, and haven't lived at my parents since I left for uni when I was 18, I currently live with my long term partner, a fair distance from where my parents live. He hasn't been invited which doesn't really bother me, she's never met him and I get that money can put constraints on things and she won't want to pay for someone she doesn't know to attend.

The thing that irritates me slightly is that the invite wasn't sent to me, I was included, along with my sisters who also don't live with our parents, on my parents' invite. Is this a weird wedding etiquette I'm not aware of? I find it really odd to invite an adult, who lives elsewhere, through their parents. What would I need to do to qualify for my own invite? Get married myself? If I never get married will I still be included on my parents' invites when I'm 50? I can't quite put my finger on why it bothers me so much, but it feels a bit patronising, like I'm not an independent person.

To be clear, I'm obviously not going to say anything to the bride about it! And I'm perfectly happy to be told I'm being unreasonable, I'm 8 weeks pregnant and very tired and hormonal so quite possibly don't have a good gauge on whether I'm right to be irritated, or if I'm overthinking.

YABU
It’s a family invite.

i do think it’s really weird but wedding invites can be pretty pricey so maybe they were just saving some money by adding you to your parents invite. or maybe they thought it would be awkward to send you an invite only addressed to you (and not your partner) so added you to the parents one so you knew there was no plus one?

Your family is being invited as a family. I think you’re being really weird about it.

It’s a family invite YABU. If you don’t want to go, then you don’t have to.

I hate this. Happens in my family too. It's like they can't be bothered to get your address and post a personal invite. My cousin does this with Christmas cards as well. DH and I are married with a child yet my parents get a card addressed to them, DB and me.

Oh get over yourself.

YANBU.

You have your own family group with your partner.

I'd think it ridiculous. I expect you will all be taking one present between you....

And what if say your parents go, sister 1 doesn't, you do, sister 2 doesn't... How odd to have to write all that on one card!

I think it’s weird. I’ve never heard of a ‘family invite’ for adult children who live apart from their parents. But I wouldn’t be upset by it. I guess that invitations can be expensive to print and post. I guess you can all get a single present in return if you want.

Maybe she doesn't have your address …

Maybe she doesn’t know your address?? I don’t know my cousins’ addresses!

Not a big deal IMO.

YABU, she's inviting you all as a family (probably assuming you'll travel together sit together etc.). She obviously knows you're adults now but probably still sees you as a family unit because that's the way it was growing up. Obviously it's normal to find out your cousins' addresses and send the invites separately but does it really matter?

Perhaps I'm being terribly old fashioned but I'd ask for the address if I didn't know it.

Why on earth would she assume they'd travel together?!

Yabu

Family invite

My cousins did exactly the same

So you'd think it normal to be included on an invite to your parents if you were say 40?

YABU.

It’s really petty to get annoyed over something rather trivial

Just think, you can give a family present instead of an individual one 😬

Blame the pregnancy hormones. Yabu.

Family invite, saves costs, postage etc.

Does your cousin even know your contact details? I must say I am not up to date with the whereabouts of my cousins/who they live with, but would be delighted to be invited to a big family wedding by them.
In a similar vein, I discovered my MIL still signed Christmas cards from her and my FIL from my DH for quite a few years after he had left home. I remind myself I must never do that with my DC as they grow up.

When you get married and buy the invites and the stamp and go to the effort of getting every single persons address then I think you'll understand why this happened. Stop creating a drama

My parents got an invite to a family wedding which we as their children all knew about etc. But the invite said no children, so none of us went (there are 6 of us and half have partners these days)...fast forward another family event and relevant bride says "Oh your parents came didn't they - why didn't you?" We said - "well it said no children so M&D said not to..." We all at least found it funny!!

YANBU OP - it's very very irritating. DH and I are in our 40s and there are still family members on his side who communicate with us via MIL - wtf, he hasn't lived with his mother for 25 years!

I don't think you have to be 50 not to be included on your parents' invite, you just need to be invited to a wedding where you have an independent relationship with the bride or groom. It sounds like you hardly know them and are really just being invited because your parents are siblings, in which case I don't think it's that weird. If you have an independent relationship with them and often visit each other or are in contact a lot I would find it weirder but I think, for weddings, people are often invited in family units.