AIBU to ask if this is illegal

[flowerpicture]

Shamelessly posting here as I need the traffic to help figure out what the hell to do.

12yo son is being bullied by two other 12yo boys, former friends who teamed up this summer and decided to make my son a target. They are all due to start secondary school together in 2 weeks, which is terrifying me.

Their current bit of fun is spamming my son with hundreds of gay porn images and gifs. Is this illegal? We're in Ireland. I've googled but can't find anything conclusive. He's blocked the boys but they find ways around it, different apps, devices, systems etc. It's relentless.

DS is absolutely adamant I don't speak to their parents. I understand, and I don't have contact info for them anyway. But I'm really struggling to sit back and do nothing. He acts like he's not bothered but I can see through the front. There have been a couple of late night crying sessions. He hasn't been out all summer as the friend group includes these two boys. The gay porn thing is only the latest. It's been one thing after another since start of summer holidays nearly 2 months ago.

No bloody idea what to do. Would IBU to go to the police? He'd hate me for it...

I have no id ea if its illegal , but I would of thought so as they are to young to have access to porn .
To stop it how about changing all the profiles on the accounts they have access to , eg , change his phone number , set up a different FB account pref in your name so they can not get to him through it .

He will have to go very careful who he gives the details to or they could end up in the wrong hands and the trouble will start again .

Are there any groups near by that he could join so he gets out of the house and makes new friends ?

Im so sorry for your son and you. Fairly sure this is illegal and you might get some good advice here.

www.ceop.police.uk/Safety-Centre/How-can-CEOP-help-me-YP/

Thank you

speak to the police

Not sure about Ireland, in England it would come under harassment or malicious communications legislation, they are bombarding him with unwanted communications causing him alarm, harassment or distress. Definitely seek police advice.

I think there are child protection laws against showing indecent material to under 18s but not sure if it would apply to under 18s. I would advise talking to the police and advising the school in September that there are issues so they are aware. A form tutor or head of year should suffice.

They are looking at porn that they are not supposed to due to their age. More importantly, they are forcefully exposing an underage person to explicit material not meant for under 18s.

You have every right to step in. But you seem reluctant to because of how your son would feel about you getting involved and I totally get his feelings about that.

But different apps, devices, systems etc... one, he doesn’t have to use them. Two, presumably, he has to add or accept new accounts and profiles on these things so he needs to stop doing that if he doesn’t know the people on the other end whether they are his bullies or not really.

OP so sorry for you and your son. Please speak to the police ASAP.

Go to the police.

I wouldn’t be able to sit on my hands, as far as the other parents go. I’d probably not tell my son, and invent a plausible reason for discovering it that didn’t involve him ‘dobbing’. Maybe that you saw it on a family computer screen, or better still, you did your monthly check of the ‘internet security’ logs (which you’d be right to do with a 12yo) and the sheer volume of what came up shocked you into action.

I’m pretty strategic of mind, so I might spin a tale that I was contacting them because I assumed all 3 boys were merely sharing gay porn (to enjoy), and I was merely alerting parents about their predilections. Then let it emerge (separately) a few days later that in fact they were sending these images with bullying intent. The lads will probably out themselves (so to speak) pretty quickly.

Both problems solved, although it does involve some acting ability!

Is this all phone based? Or laptop? Either way you need to take the devices to the Police or Garda. It is unacceptable and quite illegal in the UK, in Eire I would think the same EU guidance would apply.

Even if it isn’t illegal, the online harassment is! Speak to your local police. A chat with the boys in question will probably suffice.

Definitely the police as its harassment and it may have implications due to the sexting although from the NSPCC website I'm not sure if it's only illegal if the images include a child.

Ceops say if your child is receiving pictures which make them feel uncomfortable to report.

I would also have a word with pastoral leader at school too.

I'd find the parents and show them what their children are doing -I know your son would hate it but they should be ashamed of themselves and be made accountable for the abuse they are sending your sons way. I'd be asking the parents why are they so obsessed with gay porn?

Sending porn to an underage child is an offence. Block their emails, then speak to Police taking hard copy examples with you. (their IT depts will take forever if its left on your devices). My neighbours 15yr old had exact same thing. Culprits got Police caution. It stopped.

I mean turn it around that there's something wrong with them , they need help -not that there's anything wrong with gay porn of course -just any porn ! They shouldn't be looking at porn full stop 😷

I am UK based, but I can't imagine that the law is very different in Ireland. It is totally illegal for anyone to send pornographic images to minors, anyone includes other minors too. What these boys are doing is not lawful. All this comes into my training about sexting between minors etc.

I'd find the parents and show them what their children are doing

As a mother of a 21 year old son who had no end of hell in the teenage years, I'd let the police show the parents what their children are doing.

It gives all concerned a shock and the message that you will not tolerate it rather than getting into face to face confrontations with other parents.

Probably no action will be taken but the police will sit the boys down and give them a stern talking to.

From my experience it will be noted should anything else happen in the future.

Good luck OP.

What Elephant said. In UK it's totally illegal. Definitely go to the police.

I would go to the police.

It is sexual harassment. It is illegal.

Im pretty sure it is illegal here in Ireland. What a bunch of little feckers. Its an awful feeling to be bullied but this is completely another level.
Id pop into the local garda station, see what they advise.

flowerpicture the longer you procrastinate, the more potential damage to your son. I'm sorry to be so blunt but bullies can cause real harm. Call the Garda.

I know of someone who was actually arrested, charged, and very almost sent to juvie for something very similar to this in the UK. Go to the police.

As a parent there are times where we make decisions our child wouldn't necessary be happy with and this is one of those times. Would would it take for you to go to the police? It is illegal to share explicit images with anyone under 18 even if the sharer is under 18 themselves.
Don't go to the parents go straight to the police and let them tell the parents. Don't let your son be a victim because you haven't stood up for him when he needs you to plus sharing gay poor is fucking grim, what will they do next?