AIBU to ask if this is illegal

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Shamelessly posting here as I need the traffic to help figure out what the hell to do.

12yo son is being bullied by two other 12yo boys, former friends who teamed up this summer and decided to make my son a target. They are all due to start secondary school together in 2 weeks, which is terrifying me.

Their current bit of fun is spamming my son with hundreds of gay porn images and gifs. Is this illegal? We're in Ireland. I've googled but can't find anything conclusive. He's blocked the boys but they find ways around it, different apps, devices, systems etc. It's relentless.

DS is absolutely adamant I don't speak to their parents. I understand, and I don't have contact info for them anyway. But I'm really struggling to sit back and do nothing. He acts like he's not bothered but I can see through the front. There have been a couple of late night crying sessions. He hasn't been out all summer as the friend group includes these two boys. The gay porn thing is only the latest. It's been one thing after another since start of summer holidays nearly 2 months ago.

No bloody idea what to do. Would IBU to go to the police? He'd hate me for it...

It possibly qualifies as a hate crime (targeting a person on the basis of perceived sexual orientation) since they seem to be implying that your DS is gay and seeing that as a reason to target him.

I think that sounds really wise. All the best x

Really sorry to hear that you have to move schools . Hopefully once you have been to the guards they will contact the parents and maybe moving school won’t be necessary.
Best of luck to you all x

Yes, is illegal. It’s harassment. Defined as a course of behaviour that causes alarm or distress?
Go to the police. To be honest, if it were me, Id go to the parents whatever my son said. Sometimes you have to make choices as a parent that your children don’t agree with. Take it out of his control. Tell him this is so serious that you have to report it and that you will do whatever it takes to sort this for him, but you have to take steps. He can’t see a way out, but you can. It’s not up to him to sort it. It’s up to you, and you’re going to.

Yes @Apehouse back when they were friends my son confided in one of the boys that he was having some confusing thoughts re: a couple of famous guys. (Something he told me about months ago but I was glad he had a friend he thought he could trust with it as well.) So now that information is being used against him and likely would be spread all throughout school.

This is a liberal house. I work in lgbtq+ publishing. I'm furious.

For those asking why I haven't stormed over to the police station or confronted the parents yet. I have a condition that prevents me from expressing myself coherently to strangers so I needed to wait until my husband was home. Which is tomorrow. I can't represent the best interests of my child if I can't communicate without assistance and I don't want to let him down.

Good for you op - you are a great mother, homeschooling and considering moving for this. Sorry this is happening - hope the little shits get the absolute bejesus scared out of them by the gardai.

I can tell you what the police will say: "If you get anymore photos, please come back. We can't do anything without seeing the photos".

Only your son has seen them. Do you really want him to have to describe what he saw?

I take it that you haven't seen them, so you can't describe what the images contained.

The police need to see them so that they can talk to the bullies about them. They will need to share (preferably show) their parents the details of what was used to harass your son.

They need to see the phone so that they can link the bullies to the actual harassment - otherwise they'll just deny it and your son will be made to look a fool. And they'll get away with it.

No police officer is going to go to visit a suspect without some firm evidence that the harassment has actually happened and that the bullies are responsible for it.

Unblock and take control of your son's phone, if you want the police to be able to take action. Otherwise, be prepared for a pointless discussion leading to no action.

Of course I would hand over the phone... What made you think I wouldn't??

I'm not sure why some people are speaking to me so aggressively? I've made a plan. I'm going to the police. The harassment won't be deleted anymore. I'm making records. How am I not being proactive?

I understand to your son it would seem like the worst thing in the world, but you need to go to the parents and then the school if it still goes on when they go back. The boys will be mortified if you show their parents what they are spreading.

And thank you to those of you helping me figure out the specific law and the language to use. Extremely helpful and I'm very appreciative.

my son doesn't keep any of it on his phone. We have no record of anything.... In the meantime, my son will continue to block the boys in any way he knows how

I actually wouldn't block them at this point. Let them send more stuff so that it can be used as evidence for the police. Without it, it will be very difficult to convince the police of anything and / or they may not be able take action even if they do believe you.

Good luck. What these boys are doing is disgusting. They need the full weight of the law thrown at them.

I wouldn't block them either. Get him a new number. Take his phone and let the stuff come through from the boys. There are ways to recover deleted data too.

Sounds like a good plan, I’m glad he is not going back to that school. He is lucky that you are willing and able to move. Also check if the local private school as any assistance with fees. Good luck you sound like a great mum.

Well done OP good plan