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Original poster

AIBU to ask if this is illegal

89 replies

flowerpicture · 13/08/2018 20:56

Shamelessly posting here as I need the traffic to help figure out what the hell to do.

12yo son is being bullied by two other 12yo boys, former friends who teamed up this summer and decided to make my son a target. They are all due to start secondary school together in 2 weeks, which is terrifying me.

Their current bit of fun is spamming my son with hundreds of gay porn images and gifs. Is this illegal? We're in Ireland. I've googled but can't find anything conclusive. He's blocked the boys but they find ways around it, different apps, devices, systems etc. It's relentless.

DS is absolutely adamant I don't speak to their parents. I understand, and I don't have contact info for them anyway. But I'm really struggling to sit back and do nothing. He acts like he's not bothered but I can see through the front. There have been a couple of late night crying sessions. He hasn't been out all summer as the friend group includes these two boys. The gay porn thing is only the latest. It's been one thing after another since start of summer holidays nearly 2 months ago.

No bloody idea what to do. Would IBU to go to the police? He'd hate me for it...

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 14/08/2018 00:53

And contact your ds's new school to get them in the loop and ensure they are in separate classes.

PurpleArmy · 14/08/2018 00:55

As a parent there are times where we make decisions our child wouldn't necessary be happy with and this is one of those times.

^^ This a thousand times.

Protect your child.

Butterflycookie · 14/08/2018 01:00

As others have said contact the police

Babymamamama · 14/08/2018 01:07

Contact the police and you can also self refer via the ceop website.

Original poster
flowerpicture · 14/08/2018 01:17

Hold on. I'm not ignoring it, procrastinating, whatever else. Comments of "what would it take for you to go to the police" aren't helpful. I'm clearly VERY willing to do something about this and came here to ask if this activity was illegal so I could report it. I'm not sure why I'm receiving this kind of reaction when I didn't at all say I planned on doing nothing? I asked for advice and opinions on how to move forward with this delicate matter. I'm fully aware we have to do things our children won't like but I also need to figure out the best way to handle it as kids can be rough and going to school and facing the kids you reported isn't an easy task to deal with. There are only 2 schools in our area of rural Ireland, one public and one private, so it's either this school with the bullies or homeschooling (at least temporarily) and we've been looking into home ed curriculum this evening. We cannot contact school yet as it's closed for the summer. I AM being proactive. I came to ask for help and advice.

OP posts:
emmyrose2000 · 14/08/2018 01:18

Go to the police.

MurielTheSheepDog · 14/08/2018 01:27

flowerpicture I'm so sorry for your poor son. It makes my heart hurt to think of your pain.
I would definitely suggest speaking to the police. I hope they will give you some advice.
Take care op and good luck to you both xx

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 01:34

Yes it's illegal.
It's computer misuse, although it would be hard to prosecute.

The local police will (should) be happy to talk to the lads though which should give the a fright

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 14/08/2018 01:37

This is one of those times, as a parent, that you have to step in and override the wishes of your son in order to protect him. He is being bullied and is miserable, this is unacceptable regardless of the legality of the porn they are sending. You must do something, you can't allow this to continue and if that involves informing the police or at the very least the parents, so be it. Protect your son, OP.

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 01:40

It's borderline illegal under the Computer Misuse Act 1990 - Section 3.
They are deliberately impairing his email access by filling it with spam.

It would never get to court in a million years, but given the nature of the content and that he knows who's doing it, a short sharp 'word' with the lads should work - especially at that age.

Also, they shouldn't be having access to porn at that age, so there's another world of trouble for sending porn to a minor.

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 01:42

I can help you block the email if you drop me a PM.
He can set up a filter so that only people in his contact list are allowed, or we can find some other filter technique to help filter it.

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 01:44

They will probably set up countless gmail or hotmail addresses and use those, so it should be fairly easy to filter them out (but allow genuine addresses he knows about)

theOtherPamAyres · 14/08/2018 01:47

It is a criminal offence in Ireland's Statutes. I've set it out below and will offer some advice further down (although I'm from the UK).

Non-Fatal Offences against the Person, 1997
Harassment
(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.
(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where—
(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other's peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and
(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other's peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other.

In the Uk, the police would visit the children separately and give them a warning in front of their parents. They are told - any repetition of the conduct will result in police action; and any further victimisation of the target will mean even worse consequences.

This is usually enough to persuade children that they are in deep doo and they stop it. Parents are made aware.

I would ask the police to visit and see if they can do a similar thing. I would inform the school. I would reassure your child that the bullying that they suffered was criminal and serious and needed to be reported.

Good luck!

Faroutbrussel · 14/08/2018 01:49

I think I would go to the police and do it fairly soon so the situation can calm down a bit before school starts again, might make it a bit easier on all concerned. He is only 12 and I can’t see it stopping without intervention which I think should be a visit from police not parent to parent. In the meantime are there any clubs or activities. that he can get involved in that will help him make other friends before he goes back?

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 01:55

At 12 years old, a visit from the Police is scary.
They would all have to be from seriously rough families to not flinch at the Police showing up.

The fact that it's porn being sent will only make it worse. I'd imagine the parents will be livid.

Jux · 14/08/2018 01:59

Please talk to the police, if only for the advice you will get from them. Is there a community officer you could have a chat with in passing?

Kokeshi123 · 14/08/2018 02:09

Keep us updated. They deserve to get the fright of their lives.

Good luck!

TornFromTheInside · 14/08/2018 02:20

Just as shocking as the bullying is that 12 year olds can so easily obtain porn. I'm not surprised, anybody you simply type it into Google and voila - but something is wrong in our world when it's that easy.

I mean they can see everything and anything, and I do mean absolutely anything!

KingIrving · 14/08/2018 02:27

OP, this is a dreadful situation but there aren't many ways to solve it. I understand your son's reluctancy but sit down with him and tell him, both of you are going to put a stop to this. It is escalating and they have now left the grey zone to enter head first into committing crime and there for, you can now stop them by going to the police.
Promoting porn to underage children is a crime. Harassing is a crime. It is not a couple of images but hundreds, so these boys now need to have some sense put into their brains.

Your son has the right to be happy and not isolated or scared because of their doing. If the offence is serious enough, maybe the boys can even be expelled from school. School number for emergencies is usually available to emergency services (police, fire station, ...) .

Tell your son, what about if it was the other way around. His mum being harassed by a colleague or boss?
Read this with your son www.garda.ie/en/Crime-Prevention/Online-Harassment.pdf so he will feel empowered. There are several links at the bottom,.

You can of course do it without his consent and collaboration but if he is onboard he will feel stronger to face them in the street, at school, and bullying is cowardly based on the weakness of the victim.

Tomorrow sit down with him and tell him you and him are going to stop this shit because enough is enough.

Don't be terrified, be bold. You need to show confidence to reassure your son. Collect all the images, write down the amount of emails, the frequency . If they are former friends, you son maybe knows where they live so find put the address and march into the police station.

whocoulditbe · 14/08/2018 02:51

100% I would go to the police, report to the school and inform their parents. I told my mum at the same age not to step in and stop bullying at school, I was scared it would make it worse. Looking back now I wish she had taken control, I didn't have the maturity or life experience to make that kind of decision.

Zoflorabore · 14/08/2018 03:18

Op, please go to the police.

My ds is 15 now and about to start his last year at school but when he started secondary school at 11 he was targeted and bullied like this and the police cautioned all involved.

Here the age where you become accountable for your actions is 10 so whilst the school he went to were pathetic ( I pulled him out summer of year 7 ) the police were very interested and took it seriously.

Cyber bullying is a crime and with the addition of the porn is a serious offence.
A visit from the police should put the shits up the little sods and hopefully their parents will have stern words.

Nip it in the bud before school starts if possible and also inform school when he starts.
It's hard enough starting secondary school without having something like this hanging over his head.

I really do feel for you both, it took my son a long time to recover from his situation but he did and has never been happier since he moved schools ( appreciate you don't have that choice ) and he's never had a single incident of bullying since.

Hugs to you. I was worried sick so i know how hard it is Flowers

sarahjconnor · 14/08/2018 04:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aftereights91 · 14/08/2018 06:42

I agree with pp. You want advice on what to do. Report it to the police, simple. A visit from the police is enough to put a rocket up the arse of most kids and will put a stop to it. It's inappropriate and the bullying is cruel and needs stopping, whether your son wants you to report it or not. Your the parent your in charge

Troels · 14/08/2018 06:51

Please go to the police now, before school starts, I wouldn't wait for the school to open or do anything about it. Many a pretty useless with this kind of thing.

itsoknottobeokok · 14/08/2018 07:17

Police definitely,

Lots of kids take their own lives due to bullying

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