Am I being weird or are they?

[Blanchethegreat]

I posted about this about a year or so ago. I think about half agreed with me and half thought I was being stupid, however I want to know if I'm still being stupid now.

My mil and fil have got a thing about playfully slapping my ds on the bum, they've always done this and do it every single time we see them and several times.

However, my ds is now 3.5 years old and out of nappies, and they're still doing it.

He can just be running around or playing and fil just randomly slaps him on the bum, or if he's climbing up onto the sofa mil will start slapping his bum. Fil will pick him up and say "shall I slap your bum", fil will walk past ds and do a full arm swing and slap his bum out of nowhere.

Just to be clear I'm not accusing them of anything untoward, I know that babies and even toddlers bums are cute and of course I've patted my baby's bum in an affectionate way when cuddling him, but they're not his parents, he's getting older now and I don't like the way they do it repeatedly and randomly.

They're not hurting him and they are only playing around but I absolutely fucking hate it, it makes me cringe more and more as he gets older and I don't know how to tell them to stop it without offending them.

Dh pretends not to notice but when I've spoken to him about it he agreed it makes him uncomfortable and that he wouldn't do it to someone else's child, he more or less admitted he doesn't know how to tell them how to stop it.

I get where you’re coming from OP.

I guess if you strip it all back, you’re uncomfortable with it and as his mum have the right to say so.

Sarah yes they're from the UK.

That all sounds wonderful but I'm afraid I just don't agree. Would you be happy for her dad, grandad and uncles to slap your teenage daughters bum and vice versa?

I'm perfectly comfortable with my posterior but I don't wish my extended family to touch it thanks.

Also Sarah I presume as the bum is 'just another body part', it would be perfectly normal for dh and I to slap mil and fil arses as they walk through the door?

Bye mil bye fil slap slap.

Could you just not cheerfully say the first time they do it on the next visit ‘ oh btw MIL / FIL were not doing any play slaps / taps anymore in the home’ if you felt the need you could maybe just quantify your statement with something along the lines of ‘ you know how everything can be taken out of context these days and it’s just what nursery have advised all the parents’ add a bit of an eye roll too if you think it would help
It’s NOT normal to be slapping any child’s bottom 20times in an hour. I do a thing with a similar aged GC where he begs me to chase him up the stairs to bed and asks me to smack his bottom as he races. He adores it, his mother sees it and knows it’s just the excitement of going up stairs to bed as he lives in a flat. So I probably tap his bottom about once or twice once a week maximum and that’s a game and at his request. Totally different. Really can’t get why people would think it’s OK to tap or smack a child so many times. It’s so unnecessary and silly

Oh how things have changed, and not always for the best. Younger Mum’s are now worrying about about things that were ‘the norm’ previously. Grandparents patting bottoms is really nothing to get yourself in a tizzy over. Taking a big swipe then just lightly tapping usually makes kids laugh, patting their bum as they climb up on the sofa or when they are climbing over you is as harmless as the day is long.

The Pants Rule is over done, largely ineffective and making people paranoid. It will not stop someone abusing a child if that’s their intent and there’s very little improvement in children ‘telling’ about actual abuse.

Ask them to stop doing it if you must, but accept it won’t happen overnight as it’s just a reflex...one that didn’t use to cause handwringing. It’s really not ‘weird’.

There isn't an age when it should stop. It's whenever the child says no or hints they don't like it. Then you help them to articulate this to their GPs.

You seem to be confusing the action with your distaste for it. If you don't like it that's fine but you aren't going to convince everybody else.

We do plenty of things that require contact with children that we don't do for adults and would seem odd if we did such as wiping noses or arses, holding hands when crossing a road, picking them up and removing them from a situation when they are cross, checking their teeth have been brushed properly, blowing raspberries on tummies.

Annie I'm not a 'younger mum'. I also work in child protection so I do know a fair bit about this.

I can categorically tell you that as a child I absolutely detested any bum slapping games or over the top tickling, being made to give sloppy kisses to relatives. Though I wouldn't have said anything.

For every child that things it's hilarious there'll be one who doesn't like it.

Also there is a difference between some of the things people have mentioned here and what my child's grandparents are doing.