Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

My in laws are tracking us

123 replies

cadburyegg · 12/08/2018 23:41

So the in laws have discovered the find a friend feature on iPhone and have set it up so they can track DH wherever he goes. God knows why he has accepted it.

We were on holiday last week and DH fired them a text to let them know we were home safely. Their response was “yeah we know”.

So AIBU to think this is odd??

OP posts:

tinstar · 13/08/2018 22:21

Sorry I still find it bizarre! On the very few occasions you might be worried about your adult son surely you can wait until he has a moment to text you? (Why do you want to know when he arrives at the airport?).

No need to apologise.
I don't worry about him but, having given birth to and raised him I'm interested in where he is. Bizarre though you may find that.

As Ventiamore says, he rarely thinks to text me (but did enable me to see his whereabouts so I presume he's happy with me knowing)
Of the last 3 trips abroad he's made, 2 of his flights have been cancelled and he's ended up travelling from a different airport. So I'm just curious.

Sorry10 · 13/08/2018 22:29

Me & dh use find it friend app it’s handy sometimes, although I sometimes turn it off . Tell dh to unfollow or turn off location if it bothers you so much .

rainbowsandsmiles · 13/08/2018 23:43

I don't worry about him but, having given birth to and raised him I'm interested in where he is. Bizarre though you may find that

I've got 2 sons. One teenage and out by himself. Always interested in where he is and don't rest until he's home safely.
Putting a tracking device on the phones though? A step too far in my opinion. Texts, fair enough. Or maybe answer a phone call.To track them, though? Whole new step. They deserve some privacy.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/08/2018 00:59

My ex-h's partner tracks him. She was the OW. He turns up for drop off early so we can have a chat if necessary so that he returns to the love nest not a moment later. What a life to live.

Tell DH to disable it. Ridiculous that he's got his parents tracking him.

3out · 14/08/2018 17:54

If your DH agreed, then there’s no harm. They aren’t able to see your location, chill.

DH and I have this enabled, it’s just a handy feature of the phone. It’s not stalking.

Tinstar, I get you. Your DC is obviously fine with you knowing his location. As for the example of liking to know when he’s arrived at the airport, it’s no different to my parents, their parents, aunties, family friends etc who wave you off and say ‘safe journey, let us know when you’ve arrived safely!’ It’s not weird, it’s just the modern equivalent.

I like to think of it like the Marauders Map 😂 🧙‍♂️

Italiangreyhound · 14/08/2018 17:55

Very odd. How old is he?

chocolateworshipper · 14/08/2018 18:11

Oh I would have to have some fun with this. I'd be taking DH's phone to all sorts of "interesting" places ...

SirGawain · 14/08/2018 18:12

It's really intrusive. I would drive round a few really seedy locations just to see how they react!

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2018 18:17

You do know that the dh concerned had to have accepted the invitation? And it's none of the OP's business?

dwab45 · 14/08/2018 18:42

Send a selfie with V sign every now and then

FoodologistGirl · 14/08/2018 20:03

We get the old fashioned way that they call every half hour to check we’re there yet. We have to call when we arrive and if we’re delayed we’ll get a call at said arrival time. It’s so annoying but his dad is old so I guess it’s just his way. When there was cefax he would know if our plane landed etc. I’m glad he doesn’t know about this as he’d definitely download it!

Sooperkat · 14/08/2018 20:12

My DH, MIL and I all have each other on here. It’s useful for putting dinner on, checking if they’re at home before bothering to call them to ask if we can pop over for a cuppa etc. We’ve had it for a few years and not caused any issues at all.

Jenijena · 14/08/2018 20:21

My husband and I track each other for the exciting stuff of ‘oh I see you’ve not left work yet, I’ll do the nursery pick up’ and the all important ‘is it time to put the pasta in yet for tea?’. That’s about it.

My MIL got very excited about its uses but I employed my best tinkly laugh and said ‘but you wouldn’t really want to be stalking your grown up sons in their ordinary lives would you?’.

fatimashortbread · 14/08/2018 20:22

My DH, myself and DS (16) have ‘Find my iPhone’ enabled. My DH cycles a lot and it has been very useful for me to find him when he has had multiple punctures and I have to go and get him. My DS’s school only gives approximate times for the return of buses from rugby matches etc. So once the bus reaches a certain point I can jump into the car and get him! I do not track him when he is out with friends - I don’t want to know. Thinking of adding MiL as she has had a number of falls recently. In this close family group I don’t mind the tracking; when my son leaves home we will stop tracking him.

rainbowsandsmiles · 14/08/2018 20:23

None of the Ops business? It kind of is if she's with him, as by default she's being tracked too!

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2018 20:50

Well unless they are joined at the hip..

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2018 20:52

" I’m glad he doesn’t know about this as he’d definitely download it!"

And he would have peace of mind and you wouldn't have to field half hourly phone calls. Win/win

rainbowsandsmiles · 14/08/2018 21:33

You don't have to be joined at the hip to be automatically tracked by default
And people seriously contact or check their dp/DH every half hour?! What on earth for?!

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2018 21:41

The half hour thing was addressed to the poster whose elderly parent checks frequently while they are on journeys.

And you're not being tracked by default. Nobody knows where you are, only the person with the phone.

ChocolatePecanPie · 14/08/2018 23:00

Not read whole trend....

I stalk my mum sometimes 😬. Mostly if I’m exiscting her (after long drive) to see where about she is. Sometimes if I call and she’s not home to see where she is. She doesn’t care.

I don’t there is harm if there is consent.

My OH doesn’t want to be tracked and I have no issue with that

cheval · 14/08/2018 23:09

Apparently google can track you even with everything turned off. So it said on news today. George Orwell was well perspicacious. Innit!

marylou1977 · 14/08/2018 23:18

We have it. My husband, me and my two adult sons all have each other on it. Never has been a problem. It’s useful to see what time to start cooking, for my son to see how far we are from his house on visits. It’s not necessary, but it’s nice to have.

AlwaysTimeForWine · 15/08/2018 09:41

We have 'Find iPhone' enabled for our family. It just comes on the phone and the main purpose is to help you find a lost phone.
We are set up as a 'family group' as we music share, and have a family calendar that we can add to. You can play a loud sound on a lost phone to help you find it or even erase the phone's data from a distance if you think it has been stolen.
We can't track each other's phones unless that particular function is turned on, on the owners phone.
We all have it switched on as it's handy when you can't find your phone! It's also been very helpful with DD1 (13) who is started to go places with her friends etc. We want to make sure she is where she says she is and so we can quickly check at any given time. Also the same as a previous poster says - when she's coming back from an away sports match I can see what time she'll be back.
I can also see if my husband has left his meeting 3 hours away or not if I check (which isn't very often).

One thing it doesn't do is keep a record. I could check at 10am that my daughter is at her friends. It wouldn't tell me if she'd been somewhere else half an hour earlier because I didn't check then.

We don't find it odd or creepy but I wouldn't want someone tracking my every move all day and keeping a record of it - that's surveillance and completely different!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5