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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My in laws are tracking us

123 replies

cadburyegg · 12/08/2018 23:41

So the in laws have discovered the find a friend feature on iPhone and have set it up so they can track DH wherever he goes. God knows why he has accepted it.

We were on holiday last week and DH fired them a text to let them know we were home safely. Their response was “yeah we know”.

So AIBU to think this is odd??

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 13/08/2018 12:55

The fact that these apps exist shows that some people are ok with this. Your dh is one of them, so are his parents. Not sure it's fair to call them weird - it's hardly sneaky or underhand if he's agreed.

tinstar · 13/08/2018 13:20

My 21 year old would never in a million years let me look at, or get anywhere near his phone. He didn't bat an eyelid about letting me know his location - in fact he told me about the app. I'm not sure why he would object anyway. Just because I can see where he is doesn't mean I can see what he's up to!

It also saves him the hassle of answering texts asking him if he got to the airport okay, if he's arrived yet etc. He also uses it for his gf so he can see if her journey home is going well.

Not sure why any of the above might be considered 'creepy' or stalkerish Confused

BertrandRussell · 13/08/2018 13:33

The good thing is that anyone who doesn't want to be tracked doesn't have to be. Including the OP. Those of us who think it's quite fun, or know it would ease someone's mind can allow it if they want.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/08/2018 13:37

I agree BR. I'm guessing the husband is ok with this.

katielouise3 · 13/08/2018 13:55

Very odd.

I would switching this off pronto.

@cadburyegg

Doesn't sound like very healthy or normal behaviour. Is your DH an only child/only son? Some parents (mothers especially) are obsessive over their only son. I would struggle to be with a man like this, with a mother like this.

BertrandRussell · 13/08/2018 14:06

lVery odd.

I would switching this off pronto“

Love this. You think he’s being controlled by his mother so you control him instead!

gillybeanz2 · 13/08/2018 14:12

Borrow his phone and stand outside a sex shop, gosh you could have some fun with this. Grin

BertrandRussell · 13/08/2018 14:14

Or you could just behave like a grown up?

Original poster
cadburyegg · 13/08/2018 15:44

Yes DH is an only child, and yes history of nosy/interfering behaviour. Just wondering if lots of other families did it or if I am overreacting due to past behaviour. It’s good to read replies from both sides, thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
cadburyegg · 13/08/2018 15:45

Oh I also noticed there was another thread, not related though!

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/08/2018 15:47

Is DH bothered by it? He can always turn the setting off if he is.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 13/08/2018 15:50

I HATE this, FIL was doing this years ago before we were married and he would wait on the doorstep for us as he’d been tracking our (4+ hour) journey, for example. I just find it really off putting and intrusive. DH just blocked them/disabled his Find Friends app. Why would you need that app anyway?

BendydickCuminsnatch · 13/08/2018 15:52

I’m fact, he wouldn’t wait on the doorstep, he’d open the door as we drove into the driveway and stand there until we got out of the car. Just a bit ominous and weird 😄

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 15:54

I wouldn't be able to stand this. I have a friend with massive anxiety and her DH suggested a tracker for his phone (she was anxious he'd been in an accident not that he was cheating) but it didn't actually help and they got rid of it.

Bananalanacake · 13/08/2018 16:15

I would be tempted to go to a fetish club and see if they say anythingSmile

MaMaMaMySharona · 13/08/2018 16:20

I wouldn't be bothered by this but it's personal choice. I'd actually rather be followed by DP's parents than my own!

If your DH doesn't want to be tracked he can turn it off and have the conversation with his parents about why. They're not actually tracking you (unless you're always with DH) so I wouldn't let yourself get too worked up about it.

As other posters have said, it's probably just a novelty for them at the moment and they'll get bored of looking at it soon enough!

MistressDeeCee · 13/08/2018 16:40

Interesting thread. I just can't fathom the need to track people. Before the invention of mobile phones we managed, didn't we? I'm racking brains thinking whether I've heard of phone tracking saving a life or preventing an incident etc but, no.

Obviously I'm not talking of people who's DPs are mountain climbers or similar!

What do people who track others, do if person is not where expected to be? You must surely quiz them..there'd be no point in tracking if you never asked a question so I guess, you must. It sounds like a subtle form of control.

Im at home DPs out at the moment, we just chatted on the phone. Naturally during conversation he said where he was - that's normal isn't it? I mean if you want to know where someone is why don't you just ask, or message? eg if you want them to stop off and get something for you?

No-one would ever admit being in spy mode tho, would they..

The parents are probably in this phase of being fascinated with gadgetry and all it can do, and just wanting to use that particular feature because it's there.

tinstar · 13/08/2018 16:48

I just can't fathom the need to track people.

Well clearly there is no need. There's no 'need' for all sorts of technology. It's just a bit of fun. But it's NOT compulsory! I don't understand why anyone would get worked up about it rather than just not allow themselves to be tracked!

Hillarious · 13/08/2018 16:53

Currently tracking DH stuck in slow moving traffic on his way home from visiting family.

I tracked DS when he drove the car back to uni for the first time, and then when he brought the car home a few days later. Once home, he very quickly switched off the Find Friends, so I can't track him any more! Perhaps your DH could do the same if it bothers him. Does it actually bother him?

Hillarious · 13/08/2018 16:55

I'm tracking DH so I can decide who'll be home first to cook tea!

MaMaMaMySharona · 13/08/2018 16:58

I track DP and a few of my friends - DP as he's a salesman and drives a lot and I worry (and also like to know when to get food ready etc.) My friends and I track each other for fun! Quite interesting as a lot of us live quite far apart.

Definitely not a necessity, I don't see any harm if everyone is consenting!

MrsFrankDrebin · 13/08/2018 17:20

@BetrandRussell - not really the point of the thread, but you're not a Bean are you?!

FWIW - OP - that's weird. PIL shouldn't be able to track where you are. A 'little word' with DH may be required!

hammeringinmyhead · 13/08/2018 17:57

Big fat nope from me. We already get anxious texts when driving over about 150 miles to somewhere. On the other thread someone thought it was totally normal to get a text from their mother saying "I see you're at the zoo, are you having a nice day?" I get a couple of chatty whatsapps from mum on weekends but she'd never track me!

IceCreamFace · 13/08/2018 18:02

@tinstar why do you need to know his location all the time if he's 21? Surely you're confident by this stage that he can get to and from the airport OK? It's hardly a big deal to send a text saying flight landed OK. It seems weird to be keeping track of someone's location - to know they spent 3 hours at a house on X street, and left at 2am, or that they went out to Y club. I would feel very uncomfortable about someone having that info. and I don't even do anything interesting. I have anxiety so I get it but I definitely think the healthy thing to do is tackle the anxiety not track your family members.

rainbowsandsmiles · 13/08/2018 18:04

I'd hate it. Nothing to hide, but it's so intrusive and creepy! And people do it willingly! Stalking. Creepy. Privacy and personal space not important to all, it seems.