To ask you why you chose to get married?

[PoesyCherish]

Was it purely practical reasons or does / did it mean more to you?

DP has been married before and the divorce cost him no end of stress and money. He would get married again but I'm half wondering why? I've been engaged previously to someone who was abusive. I stupidly and naively thought marriage would make us happier and more stable. That is until a friend kindly pointed out that marriage doesn't change anything and actually if anything, in my situation it would've made things worse.

I think I'd like to get married to DP but given mine and his past experiences, I can't help but question my motives. I only want to get married for the right reasons.

So, why did you get married? Do you feel it changed anything - for better or for worse? If you had your time again, would you make the same decision?

@CantankerousCamel

It is irrelevant if you’re making more than your husband, as primary carer in the formative years you are entitled to half his pension if you’re married.

This isn't a blanket rule unfortunately. Who is entitled to what and how they are divided depends on what assets are in the marriage once the needs of any children are taken care off.

Added to that most of the higher earning women I know and am related to have better pensions than their husbands so if they were to divorce they are the ones whose pensions are at risk. For those who I know who got married and divorced young who earned the same or more none of their pensions were split.

Whether they had a good enough lawyer or were savvy enough to demand it or not is the issue there.

Fact is if you spend any time out of work to grow or raise a mans child you are entitled to half his pension for that time.

Yes very rarely men become SAHP and raise the kids and have the same security, but it’s mostly women who break to take care of kids.

The best protection is to marry.

We realised that we couldn’t imagine (even in 60 years time) not loving each other, so it was pretty much a “might as well get married”. 26 years on and still as happy.

I’m not married.

I don’t want my future financial planning to hinge on my sex life. I’m waiting for a way to protect my children’s inheritance that doesn’t involve forcing me to promise to have sex with one person only for the rest of my life, and to potentially forfeit their future and protection if I exert my right to sexual autonomy and choice.

It’s a bit of a bastard tbh. Pun intended.

I was in love with my dp and wanted to make a commitment to him. 13 years and three kids later I wouldn't change a thing.