Livid with family

[NottWavingButDrowning]

NC for this

I know IANBU but I'm absolutely LIVID right now and need to vent.

I visit my grandparents weekly. This afternoon I was rocking newborn DS to sleep against my shoulder and he had just gone off when guests came to the door and my dog started barking. This doesn’t bother DS and he slept through it as usual.
My grandfather has been told a million times that yelling at the Ddog does not make her stop barking (she has a proper command) but he still yells every time.
As he started shouting this woke DS and hissed at him to shut up.
He’s always been a twat who thinks respect should be automatically granted to him and he’s head of the house so what he says goes. He started shouting at me.
I raised my voice to be hear and told him he’d woken the baby.
He then brandished his walking stick at me saying he’s ignored all day (not true, my grandmother is an enabler and is forever running about after him despite her disabilities) and then told to shut up in his own house.
I lost my shit then in front of the visitors (total enablers - “he’s 90”)

After they had left I told him I didn’t care if he was 90 and I didn’t care if no one had spoken to him for a month, if he EVER threatened me while I was holding DS again it would be the last thing he ever did as I’d shove that stick so hard up his arse that he’d be spitting splinters.

yanbu no matter what relation or age someone is it does not give them the right to yell and threaten you. All you did was give as good as you got. Total nonsense that you have to respect anyone when they treat you bad.

YWDBU

Sounds like a complete over reaction.

What exactly did he say that was threatening?

Isn't this partly about a New Mum not wanting her Newborn woken up and slightly over-reacting to that happening?

No-one should be told to shut up in their own home, especially 90 year olds.

Most of us have been there. We become obsessive about sleep.

I take it that you don't want the visits to stop? Just accept that there's been a change, with the baby coming along and the dog gets left at home, for a few weeks, at least.

I'm 50, I've become noise intolerant and can't remember my own name at times, god help me in 40 years. So, I think he should be cut some slack.

Don't go over -simple

You're hilarious! grin Working yourself into a proper little froth, aren't you?

Thanks for the compliment! I think your posts are the least likely to send me into a froth. Tbh most of your posts are a joke and it's laughable when you post as you're so relentlessly and predictably a gobshite.

Now calm down, dear. You'll do yourself an injury.

Sorry if my 'have a lie down' comment touched a nerve!

Don't take your dog there for a start, if you dislike him so much don't go there at all. He was unreasonable but so were you, it's the old two wrongs don't make a right. FWIW I don't believe age is an excuse, DHs GF had always been abusive (we only really found out about two years ago), his uncle noticed his gran had a black eye the first time he picked up DHs aunt for a date long before they were married, so decades ago. The GF also ripped the IV out of his dying wife's arm, attacked a community nurse, punched several male family members (ineffective as he's old and weak now) and called me and DHs mother whores. The family have tried with him for decades but enough was enough. They ensure he has home help will take him to the doctor, ensure his bills are paid regularly and he gets an online grocery shop but other than that it's NC. They only do that because it's what their mum/nan would've wanted. Some horrible people get old, it doesn't mean they're not horrible anymore.

Seems the dog has more privileges than either the child or the GF.

But I am not one bit surprised at that either.

What is it about dogs that mean they can rule everyone's lives? I am sorry now, but it doesn't make sense to me. Leave the dog at home please, better for everyone I think.

OP, you are so not being unreasonable. I am not a dog person, so do not know anything about that side of things, but if anyone (even a very close relative) dares to threaten me while holding a defenceless baby (having woken them up), my claws would be well and truly out too.

You have a baby, you are tired, you are doing them a favour visiting them when you have so much on, you are going to lose your shit. It's not easy to keep it together in a sleep-deprived state. Unfortunately, most 90-year-old I know tend to either have forgotten all about the baby rearing side of things or be of a totally different breed (children's needs come last). Whatever it is, he needs to look a bit closer at why people might not have wanted to speak to him for a month.

Hang in there and don't take any shit from him. You don't sound like you have a good relationship, so you don't owe him anything just because he is related to you. He sounds like a tyrant temporarily dislodged from the throne in his little kingdom.

My word such disgraceful xarry on from you op. Have you never heard of respect for your elders. Your initial comment to your gd was desperate. To speak to an elderly person like that and he 90.
Really you should be shocked at yourself.

Don’t take your dog, OP. That seems to be the cause of much of the problems. Remember, it’s his home and he is 90. Respect a little bit, maybe?

You shouldn't have told him to shut up in his house.

You threatened a 90 year old with pushing a walking stick up his arse?

I'd never let you back.

I take it you've recently learnt the word 'enabler' and want to use it frequently.

I hope your child has a better role model in their life than you.

If someone threatened me with a stick, whilst I was holding my baby, I’d vote with my feet.

Why should the OP respect someone who behaves like that just because they’re old? Unpleasant people get old too.

Just dont go back there. If he is a bully as you have described who your gm enables, then it sounds like this was your snapping point.

You shouldnt have snapped at him, no, i can understand frustration at continual repeating to people but your choice there was to refuse to bring the dog before this point not shout at him.

He was v v unreasonable for waving his stick and threatening you and given his description of bully and that you saw red, i suspect you knew he was more likely to hit despite people who dont know him painting him or his behaviours as a poor old chap.

If he is a bully, vote with your feet as a pp said. 9, 29, 90 or 100, if i knew someone was a bully who threatened me with a newborn in arms, even more so if previous behaviours told me he would follow through, he would be out of my life and my childs for good.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. If he's behaved this way all his life he's not about to change at 90. You were in his house, you don't get to tell someone how to behave in their own house.

Threads like this make me truly thankful for my rather mundane, normal family life.

Threads like this make me truly thankful for my rather mundane, normal family life

Yep. And I've read more threads like this than you could shake a stick at.

Well I actually got an apology this morning.

GF has a lot of form for shit behaviour but even he realises he went too far.

For those saying cut him slack due to his age - not all 90 year olds are twinkly eyed Santa-types. Some are abusive men who have gone through life unchallenged and unchanged.

Did he get an apology for your appalling behaviour?

Glad you got an apology OP. When you habe been exposed to an abusive family member all your life you tend to ignore it or play peacemaker but there is sometimes a crunch time. It was having my dc which cottoned me to some toxic behaviours which i now avoid.

Threads like this make me truly thankful for my rather mundane, normal family life.

So OP has an abusive GF, let's brag about our own 'normal family life' rather than offer support 🙄

@BlueberryPud

Yes, they did have dementia.

Please don’t ever leave your dog in a car.

Glad your GF apologised. Did you? You all need to learn to calm down and be less aggressive. All that shouting and threats of violence aren’t a good environment for anyone least of all a baby.

Please don’t ever leave your dog in a car.

It's not an ordinary car set up - the dogs area is properly cooled and comfortable, with water at all times.