Livid with family

[NottWavingButDrowning]

NC for this

I know IANBU but I'm absolutely LIVID right now and need to vent.

I visit my grandparents weekly. This afternoon I was rocking newborn DS to sleep against my shoulder and he had just gone off when guests came to the door and my dog started barking. This doesn’t bother DS and he slept through it as usual.
My grandfather has been told a million times that yelling at the Ddog does not make her stop barking (she has a proper command) but he still yells every time.
As he started shouting this woke DS and hissed at him to shut up.
He’s always been a twat who thinks respect should be automatically granted to him and he’s head of the house so what he says goes. He started shouting at me.
I raised my voice to be hear and told him he’d woken the baby.
He then brandished his walking stick at me saying he’s ignored all day (not true, my grandmother is an enabler and is forever running about after him despite her disabilities) and then told to shut up in his own house.
I lost my shit then in front of the visitors (total enablers - “he’s 90”)

After they had left I told him I didn’t care if he was 90 and I didn’t care if no one had spoken to him for a month, if he EVER threatened me while I was holding DS again it would be the last thing he ever did as I’d shove that stick so hard up his arse that he’d be spitting splinters.

However I would not take your dog to their house.

I suspect this has been a very long time coming

It could be that the dog has been slowly driving him up the wall, what with it having to be shouted at to shut up over a million times.
Perhaps it was the last straw and he finally snapped. If he's reached the age of 90 without bashing anyone with his stick, I can only imagine the clue is in the OP. I once threw a potato at next door's fence, just to cause a pause in the barking. It worked for a full five seconds of bliss before they started up again.
Barking dogs can push you over the edge. And we know this one has behaviour problems.

The older people get the longer they've had to practice and refine their arsehole behaviour. Age is not an excuse.

However it sounds like the dog being there doesn't work.

But I'm sure their is a huge backstory to this and previous examples as people don't generally go from 0 to Jeremy Kyle in 3 seconds.

X posts imaginary!

I think from previous posts dog has behaviour issues?

Erm, no. Shes refuses to mix with strange dogs (not aggressive, just antisocial) but personally I don't see that as a problem.

She's a high-energy Gundog breed which my GP once owned but couldn't cope with at their age, hence they ask to see her. I'd happily leave her in her crate in the car or in the garden or even at home. They also like to see DS as they don't have much family (one son, me, DS and DH) and I go up to help around the house.
I say their dog is a "little mongrel" because it is a small dog of indeterminate breed.
It started the barking and mine literally barked twice before she was told to be quiet.
And yes he was threatening and yes my reaction wasn't ideal but he's a bully, always has been. The fact DS was involved brought down the red mist.

@BlueberryPud
Where does it say he has never hit anyone?

Why are you assuming his threats are a one-off? Given she exploded like this, I suspect he has form.

I don't think she should bring her dog, but I don't think people should anyway, unless they are staying overnight.

But the idea that every 90yr old is a genial, kindly old man is bullshit.

They also like to see DS as they don't have much family

This is a relatively new thing though, as he's newborn?
It's obviously not sensible to have a dog and a newborn to tend to, both at the same time, in someone else's house. Lesson learned.

And that is why she brought the dog - it used to be theirs and they wanted to see it.

@NottWavingButDrowning

Have a drink if you aren't bf, go to bed and don't worry about it.
You may find he total ignores it and shows you a bit more consideration in the future.

Bullying shouldn't be tolerated at any age. It is amazing the amount of nastiness that is excused because "they are old"

Where does it say he has never hit anyone?

It doesn't. I said If he's got to 90 etc. Leaving room for more drips.

Wow, at 90 I'd like to think I'd some respect from people

And if you treat others with respect I assume you'd get it. If anyone no matter how old held a walking stick up to me they would not have my respect.

I'd happily leave her in her crate in the car what?!? Don’t leave your dog in the car!

You used mongrel as an insult and you’re back tracking.

You sound awful tbh.

I know IANBU

OH BUT YOU ARE MY DEAR.

What dreadful behaviour from you.
You are at your grandparents home, your dog barks, your grandad doesn’t use the correct command word and your baby gets woken up. Big fucking deal.
Do you really think that your overreaction to your grandads typical old person behaviour warrants telling a 90 year old that you will shove his walking stick up his arse ??
I don’t know if you posted this in the expectation that we would all praise your behaviour but I think you are utterly shameless for speaking to your 90 year old grandad like that.

I wish my grandad was still alive to have a winge and wave his stick at me.
Your post makes me feel sick.

I think you’re both shouty and quick to react.

Stop taking your dog to see them. If their dog winds yours up so yours barks (and for some reason you don’t use the command to get her to stop) and winds up your gf

I agree that both of you sound very bad tempered and neither of you is coming off well here. You don’t seem to like him very much so why visit so often if your dog irritates him and him being irritated irritates you?

Fgs if my dog barks I shout.

Threatening to shove his stick etc makes you as bad if not worse

Your response could have been much nicer

And it was more damaging to your son than your pop raising his stick!

Just because you are old doesn't mean you have the right to shake your walking stick in an aggressive manner!
Being old doesn't mean you have a get out of jail card for bad behaviour!

So he was unreasonable for shouting and you were reasonable for shouting.

You both sound dysfunctional.

You took the low road. Threatening to shove his stick up his backside?
That was uncalled for.

**What dreadful behaviour from you.
You are at your grandparents home, your dog barks, your grandad doesn’t use the correct command word and your baby gets woken up. Big fucking deal.
Do you really think that your overreaction to your grandads typical old person behaviour warrants telling a 90 year old that you will shove his walking stick up his arse ?? **

^This. You are a disgrace OP

Tbf, if anyone brandished a stick at me, especially when I was holding DS, I would very forcefully tell them to put the stick down and never threaten me with it again. I wouldn't threaten them however as that's lowering yourself to their standards. The fact that he is 90 does not excuse him threatening you.
My family always bring our dogs to each others houses, sometimes they set each other off. If this is the norm in your family, then you know fine well how your dad will react so why does this surprise you?

Have you ever considered giving your Grandfather ... the proper Command to stop your Dog barking ?

Poor child, being born into that shouty chaos.

So ....

Visitors came to the door and your dog started to bark
This didn't wake up your son, but if your granddad had been told a million times that shouting won't shut the dog up then it must be a frequent occurrence and your grandparents must be fed up of it.

I hissed at him to shut up
Charming way to speak to anybody let alone one of your grandparents.

He started shouting at me
So he's as unpleasant as you.

I raised my voice
translation: "I shouted back"
Definitely as bad as each other

He then brandished his walking stick at me
I don't see that as a threat to hit you with the stick, but definitely an aggressive gesture

I lost my shit then in front of the visitors
Definitely auditioning for Jeremy Kyle. Rude, unpleasant and aggressive.

After they had left I told him I didn’t care if he was 90 and I didn’t care if no one had spoken to him for a month, if he EVER threatened me while I was holding DS again it would be the last thing he ever did as I’d shove that stick so hard up his arse that he’d be spitting splinters.
Well he was definitely unpleasant, but you seem to be the only one engaging in actual threats.

The person I feel sorry for is you poor bloody grandmother, stuck between the pair of you.

@Gemini69 he does know the command, he just doesn't use it.

It's nothing to do with DDog annoying him, he's an old school chap who believes that to train a dog you have to intimidate it (think Cesar Milan).

This dog wasn't theirs, just the same breed they've nearly always owned.

I mean so bleeding what if kid wakes up? .

Totally unreasonable on your part OP, on every count. Appalling behaviour.