Livid with family

[NottWavingButDrowning]

NC for this

I know IANBU but I'm absolutely LIVID right now and need to vent.

I visit my grandparents weekly. This afternoon I was rocking newborn DS to sleep against my shoulder and he had just gone off when guests came to the door and my dog started barking. This doesn’t bother DS and he slept through it as usual.
My grandfather has been told a million times that yelling at the Ddog does not make her stop barking (she has a proper command) but he still yells every time.
As he started shouting this woke DS and hissed at him to shut up.
He’s always been a twat who thinks respect should be automatically granted to him and he’s head of the house so what he says goes. He started shouting at me.
I raised my voice to be hear and told him he’d woken the baby.
He then brandished his walking stick at me saying he’s ignored all day (not true, my grandmother is an enabler and is forever running about after him despite her disabilities) and then told to shut up in his own house.
I lost my shit then in front of the visitors (total enablers - “he’s 90”)

After they had left I told him I didn’t care if he was 90 and I didn’t care if no one had spoken to him for a month, if he EVER threatened me while I was holding DS again it would be the last thing he ever did as I’d shove that stick so hard up his arse that he’d be spitting splinters.

You all sound a bit unhinged to me. Don't take your dog places. Personally I can't stand dogs - never tell my dog loving friends. They are noisy and smell.

It's his house - probably doesn't like it invaded by your mutt.

Luckily, my 90yo dad is much nicer/calmer/more forgiving. But so am I.

Actually, I really don't care.

@MadMags

Its got everything to do with male privilege as he thinks he can get away with that aggressive behaviour towards a woman. He's probably been doing it all of his life. I was also referring to the posts defending him. Even though he threatened op with a stick whole holding her baby. People are so quick to condemn her rather than him = male privilege and double standards.

I'm not sure you understand how male privilege works. But yeah nothing to do with her being a younger female and him being an old man

"D"dog? But you'd be happy to leave it stuck in a crate in your car?

I think this, coupled with your behaviour, is very telling. Stay classy, won't you?

Thank you so much for your patronising, PA post, Fuck.

Yes, I understand how male privilege works.

This isn't a problem with the patriarch. This is a rough-as-a-badger's-arse family acting, well, rough.

But you go ahead and fall over yourself defending OP because she has a vulva.

Why didn't you immediately use the command yourself and avoid your grandfather getting angry in the first place?

'You don't bring her annoying dog to someone's house, then get annoyed because a 90 year old is annoyed by said annoying dog, then tell the 90 year old home owner to shut up in his home in front of his guests, then threaten to shove a walking stick up his arse. '

This with bells on ^

You sound awful op.

YANBU OP. I feel sorry for your grandma. How long has she been married to the abusive arse? 60 years? 70?

Any chance he'll pop his clogs soon so she can have a few years without him bullying her?

"D"dog? But you'd be happy to leave it stuck in a crate in your car?

Shes a working dog, her crate (a crash tested transit box) is her rest space. Leave the boot open and she'll generally take her self off there to sleep. Crates aren't punishment.

You don't bring her annoying dog to someone's house,

Except maybe when the someone ASKS you to bring your dog which is what the GPs did. What with it being their dog before. 🙄

This dog wasn't theirs, just the same breed they've nearly always owned.

Except maybe you should READ the posts BEFORE you type with CAPS and EMBARRASS yourself.

If an OP posts complaining about a circa 55 year old mils behaviour, I often see the dementia card pulled out.
But with a 90 year old man behaving somewhat erratically (although who knows? He might have had his reasons) nobody even mentions it. My fil, at 85 was pretty bad tempered all the time. It was down to his dementia though

OP shouldn't have told him to shut up - but that is no excuse for him to physically threaten her.

I've heard of cases where older people have physically harmed other residents in care facilities and where they've harmed caregivers. In working with older people I have been hit, pinched, kicked, and scratched.

It doesn't matter if they want to see the dog- you know it's a flash point so you make the decision that you leave it at home.

From your op You sound very much like your grandfather and perhaps need to to reflect on how your behaviour is more similar to bullying than standing up for yourself.

In working with older people I have been hit, pinched, kicked, and scratched

Were they dementia sufferers?

She’s not a working dog. Working dogs are obedient. She’s a badly trained and reactive dog. If she reacts to small dogs I’d be wary of her being around children too.
Leave her at home - in her crate if necessary.
He’s a 90 year old man who found a barking dog, screaming baby and shouty mother stressful. Reduce everyone’s stress by leaving the key protagonist- your dog - behind.

Then be a little less twitchy and reactive yourself. It’s not an endearing trait.

Your dgf is 90. How f*cling dare you. Leave your dog at home. I could not become to imagine having spoken to my grandparents like that. We buried my dgm on her 90th birthday. You are an absolute disgrace

Yes, Shumpa.

She clarified twenty minutes before you wrote your post.

Took you that long to catch up, did it? I might not be the one who needs a lie down, pet. :)

A gun dog that barks? Mine doesn’t. smug face Next time, leave the dog at home.

You were just as bad as your gf, worse, really, as you made threats in front of his friends. You should be on Jeremy Kyle.

@CherryPavlova she's not a working dog you say, oh dear a best stop using her for shoots then cos you obviously know her better than me, despite having never met her Did you mean to be so goats?

She is neither badly behaved nor reactive - barking twice is not reactive. She was also "off duty" so knows the rules are relaxed - she was merely alerted to something by the other dog. She quieted as soon as she was told to but got two barks in before I got the command in.

She’s not a working dog. Working dogs are obedient. She’s a badly trained and reactive dog. If she reacts to small dogs I’d be wary of her being around children too.
Leave her at home - in her crate if necessary.
He’s a 90 year old man who found a barking dog, screaming baby and shouty mother stressful. Reduce everyone’s stress by leaving the key protagonist- your dog - behind.

Then be a little less twitchy and reactive yourself. It’s not an endearing trait.

She’s not a working dog. Working dogs are obedient

Indeed. A working dog should stop barking at a gesture, providing they are close enough to see it.

If all it takes is a bit of barking to create massive hoo-ha, then leave dog at home. It's really not worth the hassle.IME of tricky relatives if you know certain things fuel or inflame the madness it's commonsense (& saves your sanity) to avoid/remove it.

Took you that long to catch up, did it?

Maybe I'm doing other things and not glued to the thread like you?

I notice you didn't comment on GPs wanting the dog to visit. If you acknowledged that that would mean you can't abuse the OP I guess.

How on earth do you know I'm glued to the thread?!

You're hilarious! Working yourself into a proper little froth, aren't you?

You ok, hun?

Them wanting the dog to visit is irrelevant, IMO. If OP is the dog's owner, and knows it has caused the same problem "a million times" then she should know better than to bring the dog.

And none of that actually changes the OP's abhorrent behaviour.

Now calm down, dear. You'll do yourself an injury.