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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be niggled by this

99 replies

Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 07:08

With a fairly new friend yesterday and at a market stall She liked a picture and asked if they took card as she didn’t have cash
I volunteered the £12, which she took, thinking she would pay me back but we then went for coffee and a snack and she still split the bill and we spent another couple of hours before parting ways and she didn’t pay me back
Annoyed at myself for getting so niggled over £12 but it’s just annoying me that if she did that deliberately, I’m being taken advantage of
Always think it’s a bit cringey to ask for money back, but if someone gave me £ I’d always pay back straight away

OP posts:
MrsPreston11 · 12/08/2018 07:22

I have friends like this. And come to learn you are the one making the problem. You have to be open in asking for it back. Some people would never offer it.

So in your shoes at the coffee shop I’d have said “mine is £6 so if you get mine then you just need to give me the £6”

They owe you remember. You’re not being rude asking for what’s yours.

Original poster
Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 07:30

How annoying, I should have said something like that . And it’s not as though she is short of money in any way , and she’s not forgetful either
It’s the being taken advantage of that annoys me more than the money

OP posts:
Whatsthispain · 12/08/2018 07:32

Id just text and ask for it. The shame is not yours. Perhaps she completely forgot.

Original poster
Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 07:35

Also Mrs Preston11- she wants to meet me in a couple of weeks but it’s actually put me off
If I do meet her, do you think I should just drop into conversation eg when we’re paying a bill, or pretend I need money from a cash line and say “ oh , mind I gave you that £12”
Or should I just not meet up if she is the type to take advantage?

OP posts:
shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 12/08/2018 07:35

I imagine she forgot

I would have done the same as Mrs Preston

Are you seeing her again soon?

Believeitornot · 12/08/2018 07:36

Text her saying “these are my bank details,m so you can transfer the money, thanks”

Unless she thought it was a gift 🤣 did you make it clear?

PaulRuddislush · 12/08/2018 07:37

I used to get caught out like this. Now I never offer, I don't carry much cash anyway so even if someone asks to borrow a tenner or whatever I can truthfully say "sorry, got no money on me".
She's the one in the wrong here so don't fret about asking for it. Text her this:
"Hi X, not sure when we're together again so probably best if you just transfer the £12 to my bank account, here is the sort code and account number. Had a great day out, see you soon "

lilyblue5 · 12/08/2018 07:48

So this is slightly me, I borrowed a fiver off of a friend to pay entry to our hobby.
Two weeks passed (I honestly totally forgot!) and friend text to say, ‘I haven’t got any cash out for tonight, are you ok to pay as I paid the other week?’ I was totally mortified, got the money out straight away and vowed to make a note of it next time. Also apologies on text and to my friends face. Maybe she’s a bit forgetful like me Blush could you word a smiliar text?

Original poster
Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 07:49

Oh , and don’t think she forgot as we went for coffee almost straight after Should I meet up again or not bother ?

OP posts:
lilyblue5 · 12/08/2018 07:49

Ps I’m definitely not a CF, just totally forgetful Blush

Angrybird345 · 12/08/2018 07:50

Give her a second chance ..... but do t slash any cash. Be up front and say ok, my half of coffee bill is £4 so you owe me £8 still.

PaulRuddislush · 12/08/2018 07:52

It's up to you, no one here can answer that. If you want to pursue the friendship, ask her for the money back in the straightforward manner detailed above. If she gets arsey about it, it's not a goer, if she pays up and says it would be good to meet up again you've got a friend.

LynetteScavo · 12/08/2018 07:55

I think she did forget. I went to the cinema with a friend who had pre bought the tickets for a few of us. The others have her the money going in, but as is been running late hadn't gone to the cash machine. After the film I went to the cash machine, we went for drinks and forgot to give her money for the ticket. I remembered the next morning and was totally mortified, and of course dropped it round to her.

I wish she'd said something, but totally understand why she didn't. It's just not what us British do....I would hate to lose a friendship over something like this, and would rather you asked for the £12.

Grumpyoldblonde · 12/08/2018 07:57

I really don't understand why straight after when coffee was suggested you didn't remind her she needed to go to an ATM to get cash.

January2015 · 12/08/2018 07:57

I had s friend like this. At the pub / coffee shop etc, she would often insist on going to go to the bar/ counter to order and fetch the drinks and ‘forget’ to give me my change back.
It happened a few times, not huge amounts of money, but as people have said - it’s the cheek of it really!
After once too many times, I asked for the change and she looked most offended.
It made things awkward.

MiniCooperLover · 12/08/2018 07:58

Maybe as it had just happened and she didn't have enough on her and you have plans in place already to meet up she felt, as friends, you'd give her a bit of leeway and time, what with being friends ...

mydogishot · 12/08/2018 08:00

I HAD a friend like this.
Always forgot to have money on her, could I get this time she'll get next etc

She was rich though, I mean ridiculously rich.
I think that's how she made her money

fieryginger · 12/08/2018 08:01

It would niggle me too, but not enough to end a friendship. If you're considering not meeting up with her again because of it, then I'd find a way to ask her for it back.

If this was one of my dear friends, I'd let it slide though as I know it would be that she forgot.

Original poster
Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 08:02

At the coffee, she paid her half by card, I should have just found a way to say that I just gave her the £12 Just annoyed of being taken advantage of if that’s what it was

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 12/08/2018 08:04

Ask her to transfer the money into your bank.

AtrociousCircumstance · 12/08/2018 08:06

I agree with text her the details and ask for the £12 back. If she ‘forgets’ to pay you back or is arsey about it you have your answer.

Iknowwhoyouare123 · 12/08/2018 08:06

Why do you keep saying 'taken advantage of'? Are you particularly vulnerable in some way?

All I can see is you offered money, it wasn't paid back straight away and you haven't asked for it back yet. I can't see anyone has been taking advantage of.

dudsville · 12/08/2018 08:09

Personally, i wouldn't bring up the £12 again, but I would, with most people, be clear in future as pps have said. I do however have a work colleague who I lie to about having any cash. She is so selfish and doesn't plan ahead.

MiniCooperLover · 12/08/2018 08:10

You haven't asked for it back, it happened when? Yesterday? Give her a chance !!

Aridane · 12/08/2018 08:14

Just message and ask her to bring it along when you next meet up (unless she prefers to transfer before the ).

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