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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be niggled by this

99 replies

Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 07:08

With a fairly new friend yesterday and at a market stall She liked a picture and asked if they took card as she didn’t have cash
I volunteered the £12, which she took, thinking she would pay me back but we then went for coffee and a snack and she still split the bill and we spent another couple of hours before parting ways and she didn’t pay me back
Annoyed at myself for getting so niggled over £12 but it’s just annoying me that if she did that deliberately, I’m being taken advantage of
Always think it’s a bit cringey to ask for money back, but if someone gave me £ I’d always pay back straight away

OP posts:

HesterMacaulay · 12/08/2018 08:16

What did you say when offering the cash for the picture? And what did she say in reply?

Believeitornot · 12/08/2018 08:18

You’re not being taken advantage of. You’re just being too scared to ask for itback and spinning a narrative in your head about her.

Just text and ask. Job done.

rainbowstardrops · 12/08/2018 08:20

I'd still meet up with her again and you never know, she might just offer the money back to you.
If she didn't then I'd mention it when you were buying coffees or lunch or whatever.
What's the worst that could happen?!!!

IceCreamFace · 12/08/2018 08:28

That's weird of her, I'd definitely have paid for your drinks in the café then given you a tenner (assuming that was more than enough). Even if it was a very well off friend I'd definitely try and pay them back.

AjasLipstick · 12/08/2018 08:37

I HATE this.

I had a friend...note the "had" who'd do things like this a lot. She was far better off than me.

She'd not bring her card then ask me to pay for her coffees and cakes and I would....then once I got so sick of her leaving me short that I said "Let's go to the cashpoint now and you can get that twenty you owe me...I need it as it's all I have for the rest of the week"

She was astounded that was literally all I had.

Even then she didn't change her grabby ways. So I ditched her.

Original poster

Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 08:38

I know, I keep saying taken advantage of as I’m getting more frustrated with myself at being too mild in personality It’s annoying me as by late thirties I should be more together

OP posts:

JulianOfNorwich · 12/08/2018 08:44

Yes do meet up again. When you are making the arrangements you could say 'I'm a bit short at the moment/ It's getting towards the end of the month/ so please could you bring the £12 you owe me from xxx'

ApolloandDaphne · 12/08/2018 08:45

Did you go past any cash machines? As she only had a card maybe she thought she would have to get the cash and give you it the next time she saw you?

PurpleFlower1983 · 12/08/2018 08:51

Just ask her for the cash!

DontDoitDoris · 12/08/2018 08:54

My CF BIL/SIL are CF "oh we dont have any cash,can you...?"
NO is the only answer they get now.
Sick of them trying to embarrass us into paying.
She may have forgotten OP but dont offer again.

Smellbellina · 12/08/2018 08:56

Presumably if she didn’t have cash at the stall she still didn’t at the coffee shop you went to immediately afterwards? I’d give her the chance to pay it back in cash next time you meet. I’d just have sent the money through on my phone at the time but not everyone likes to do that and some people are funny about having money paid back in the exact format it was borrowed in, maybe she’s one of them.

Flyme21 · 12/08/2018 08:58

FGS just text her your bank details, saying something like "please could you pay the £12 into my account direct. Thanks very much".

Seth · 12/08/2018 09:01

I think people have really differing ideas and ways of dealing with things like this. I have a quite a few friends that this could have happened with ( me or them borrowing the money ) and none of us would think twice about reminding each other as we can all forget.

I would be surprised I if she was being a CF. She might have just have been having a really nice day out with you and forgot, however I do understand that in a new friendship it might feel a bit awkward asking outright. I'd just text her as another poster suggested and say hi.. lovely day today (then something else nice ie really like the picture you bought.. then - here are my bank details for the £12... really liking forward to see you on x

If you really like what else you know of her so far then I wouldn't read into this . You never know, she might have been about to text you for your bank details , she might always do things like this on line. Good new friends are hard to come by so if you think this one has potential then text her and think nothing of it.

If she still doesn't transfer the money in the day or 2 after that however then that's another story!!

Jeezoh · 12/08/2018 09:03

I think you’re way overthinking this - if she’s your friend, why is your automatic thought that she’s not intending to pay you back? Why not give her the benefit of the doubt unless she’s got form for this?

I’d just text her and say can she pop the money in your account (if you need the money) or tell her she can wait til you meet up to give you cash.

Botanicbaby · 12/08/2018 09:05

This will keep on niggling at you. There’s no harm in texting her to say ‘great day at the market yesterday, would you like my bank details so you can give me back the £12 you borrowed?’ Or do you want to meet next week/weekend/sooner? Or something along those lines. You need to be upfront otherwise sounds like she’s the type who will conveniently ‘forget’. I say that as if I were her I’d have offered to pay for your food/drinks on my card.

Original poster

Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 09:06

Just as a side point, I know she doesn’t do online banking..

OP posts:

picklepost · 12/08/2018 09:11

What jeezoh said

guccihandbag · 12/08/2018 09:17

When she originally asked the seller if they took card, what did you say when offering the cash? Did you clearly say you would lend her the money or did you say it in a way that she may have misinterpreted to mean that you were buying it for her?

Believeitornot · 12/08/2018 09:54

Stop making excuses. Either text her now and ask for it or ask for it when you next see her. Job done.

NewYearNewMe18 · 12/08/2018 09:57

When you finished your shopping trip and parted ways, did she thank you for your 'gift' ? if not, then she is under no misapprehension this was a gift, she borrowed the money.

Gazelda · 12/08/2018 10:04

I wouldn't bin a friendship without at least giving her the benefit of the doubt and the opportunity to pay you back.

Text her, say you'd forgotten to get the £12 back from her yesterday and can she either transfer it to you, or let you have it when you meet up next week. If she does neither, then forget the friendship.

As an aside I find it difficult to understand that she's the sort of person that doesn't carry much cash, but doesn't do online banking.

Original poster

Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 14:26

No , she didn’t thank me She wants to go to an event so I may text her saying she could prebook the tickets and just take the £12 from my ticket price Just hoping she doesn’t try to get me to pre book as she did this once before but the event was sold out. If she does, I’ll have to make some excuse 🙂

OP posts:

Original poster

Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 14:31

Sorry mumsnetters if I’m making a thing of this it’s just that I don’t tend to borrow money and if I did I’d be straight to a cash line or whatever to pay someone back, or buy their coffee

OP posts:

FissionChips · 12/08/2018 14:33

I really don’t understand why you haven’t just asked for the money. Are you scared of her or something?

Original poster

Goingaway1212 · 12/08/2018 14:36

Not scared , just feel awkward and cringey about asking

OP posts:

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