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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how often is the norm for having sex?

32 replies

TheWonderfulCat · 12/08/2018 00:02

DH and I both work shift work doing 14 hours and his job has been particularly grueling. My job isn't so bad but I'm definitely tired when I get home.

We haven't DTD in about a little over a week. Is that normal? One of his friends says he needs to get his testosterone checked Hmm

We otherwise have a happy marriage, just currently trying to work as much as possible to get a new house

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 12/08/2018 00:03

Why is he telling his mate?

itsBritneyBeach · 12/08/2018 00:03

A week?!! That's fine! Some people go months Grin

Each relationship is different and obviously change over time - it's normal!

pinkyredrose · 12/08/2018 00:03

Wtf is his friend on about?!

SchrodingersMeowth · 12/08/2018 00:04

If you’re only not just more than a week I wouldn’t be worrying...

zzzzz · 12/08/2018 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 12/08/2018 00:05

There is no such thing as normal or abnormal. It's what works for you.

GrandTheftWalrus · 12/08/2018 00:08

I'm on the pill and it doesn't seem to agree with me even though the doctor says it's fine so it can be every day then I start bleeding randomly so could be over a month.

SwimmingKaren · 12/08/2018 00:10

I would say that’s fine, especially if you’re both tired. Nobody feels at their best when they’re worn out and sounds like you guys just have different priorities at the moment (ie house).

R2G · 12/08/2018 00:12

Come on you must know there is no normal and that it fluctuates depending on stress levels etc. Also, why does your husband talk to his friends about your sex life? YABU

flumpybear · 12/08/2018 00:17

Ffs his mate is being a tosser! It's whatever works fir you both!

ASpringerEspanya · 12/08/2018 00:21

Last time we had sex was about 5 months ago. Weve only been together 18 months :(

Original poster
TheWonderfulCat · 12/08/2018 00:22

@zzzzz haha sorry!!

It just happened to come up in conversation over a few drinks, I didnt think any amount of sex was "a normal but thought I'd double check haha

OP posts:
PankyE · 12/08/2018 00:29

Normal is whatever makes you both happy! Sometimes you have more sex, sometimes you have less. It's quality over quantity any day though! Grin

Original poster
TheWonderfulCat · 12/08/2018 00:38

@Aspringer oh dear, maybe talk to him about it if you feel something is wrong?
The longest we went was about 3 months while his shoulder recon was healing

OP posts:
ASpringerEspanya · 12/08/2018 00:43

No point. We talk and nothing changes. We just aren't compatible that way. I love her though.

Disquieted1 · 12/08/2018 00:43

His shoulder put him out of action for three months?
Now I am confused.

DammitOedipus · 12/08/2018 00:47

We have sex about 5 times per week, and I think that is enough. My DH thinks it is not enough Everyone is different though.

And Jesus, it's an online anonymous forum. What a bunch of tight-lipped prudes out tonight!

edwinbear · 12/08/2018 00:48

About once every 3 years with me and DH, you’re completely fine as you are Grin

jaxhwc · 12/08/2018 00:53

Edwinbear I'm working on that, quite envious in fact!

Takfujimoto · 12/08/2018 00:53

Sounds normal imo, you've just been busy and are both a bit tired.
GP would more than likely check iron levels before testosterone ffs, your DH's friend sounds charming btw.Hmm

SummerIsEasy · 12/08/2018 01:16

Disquieted

No-one would be advised to or want to do press-ups after a shoulder operation. There are other means to an end, but if the husband was in pain and really wanted the op to be a success, I think it is not unreasonable to back off.

My DH had a knee op last year after months of pain and sex was about the last thing on his mind, whilst he recovered.

Gojira · 12/08/2018 01:26

Mine would think all his christmases had come at once, if he was getting it every week.

There is no 'normal' it's what works for you - factoring in work, life, kids, tiredness, hormones, how well you're getting on etc.

WoodsBook · 12/08/2018 01:32

Over the month things fluctuate, nothing one week, a bit two weeks and lots one week, naturally female hormones vary.

JockTamsonsBairns · 12/08/2018 01:44

Firstly, I can't understand why your friend is in a position to hold an opinion on the regularity of your sex life?? I'd be stamping that down straight off.
To answer your question as to what's "normal" - me and DH can go weeks without, but then have a couple of nights where we have constant sex. For us, it depends on whatever else we've got going on. Sometimes we're busy, life takes over, we're both working long hours, and therefore we actually can't be arsed - that's fine, I'm more than happy to just go to bed and read every night for weeks on end, doesn't bother me. Then, the mood will just take us, and we'll (literally) be shagging the whole night. Been together 16 years, 3 DC's, and this seems to work for us.

LemonysSnicket · 12/08/2018 01:49

I'm 23 and normal for us is every 1-2 weeks. If we're stressed or have exams it could be longer. If it works for the two of you then it's fine...