To ask my SIL to do this...

[crazydoglady6867]

But if a back story.

My DH and his DB haven’t spoken to each other in 40 years even when he came to our wedding he didn’t speak to my DH!!

My FIL is in hospital but is being allowed to attend my daughters wedding next Saturday. The problem we have is getting him there.
We didn’t invite SIL and BIL to the wedding, (they didn’t invite us to theirs) but this morning I have sent her a text asking if she will get FIL ready and escort him to church and then take him home. I have offered to pay for taxi etc. But now I think that is a bit cheeky, she hasn’t replied yet!
AIBU to ask her to you think 🤔

single. He lives 40 miles away and I assume you have never been a MOB a little busy is an understatement!!!

I would text her again and say

“I realise I’ve asked a lot of you, and I understand completely if you don’t feel able or simply don’t want to do it. It is totally up to you and while we would be incrediably grateful if you felt you were able to help, if you can’t we can make alternative arrangements. Take care, crazydoglady.

Give her an out now!!!

My FIL can just about understand it is the wedding on Saturday so not really able to help out any.

dino. That is basically how my first message went actually I did say I would totally understand if she felt she couldn’t do it.

Is it for your fil or for your dh that he attends? Book a nurse for the day, apologise for truly cf message and organise taxi and taxi home

I don't think it is unreasonable, if your FIL wants to attend and it's the only way he can ger there.

Yes, very cheeky - if she’s good enough to do you a favour she’s good enough to be invited to the wedding.

Sounds like he'll need assistance on the day too. I think a carer is a good idea. Who would be looking after him otherwise? Keep in mind that you will need a meal for the carer. Caterers usually charge less for them but you'll need to let them know asap.

Oh really sorry to hear that.

If the issues understanding are down to dementia or similar is it definitely a good idea for him to be there? I totally understand how much your DD would want her grandfather there but weddings are noisy, unfamiliar venue, unfamiliar people etc? Is it more that you need your SIL to be with him during the service for reassurance etc rather than just doing the travel?

I can see your logic but sadly this is why logic isn’t always right!

I’d send a face saving text:

‘Whoops, sorry [sil] meant to send this to my friend [sil first nane] who said she might be able to help with fil. Sorry to disturb you!’

Quite frankly I think your dh should sort him out. Father of the bride has naff all to do on the wedding morning so he should have time. If he’s worried he should rope in a mate to help.

Sorry, thread moved on and I missed the distance and that fil needs cater.

I think he will only manage the church service so we won’t need a meal etc and yes he will be better with his DIL than a stranger.

*carer

Eek, well I can see why you've done it but yes, it is cheeky.

However, your SIL no doubt knows the situation between your husbands as well, so seems unlikely that she would have even expected an invitation to your DD's wedding - but I think that, since you want her to play chauffeur and nursemaid to your FIL, that you should have offered her the option to stay at the wedding herself as well. Up to her then whether she decided to do it for FIL or show solidarity with her husband and refuse to stay.

Why not just invite them to the wedding and ask them to bring FIL too?

Why are you crying with laughter, repeatedly? I don't get why this is apparently tears-rolling-down-face hilarious.

But then I don't get how you thought that asking someone to be a chaperone to a wedding they pointedly weren't invited to was a perfectly reasonable request

Were you expecting her to just hang around aside during the church bit?

Is there, or has there ever been, any issue between you and you SIL?

Did you invite them to your wedding and DB didn’t speak to your DH or did you not invite them as you say later neither invited the other?

I’m confused.

Why can't your DH make the arrangements for his own father?

I'm not sure it sounds like a great idea for him to go at all, tbh.

Bring him pictures of the bridal party and wedding day to share with him.

Doing your FIL a favour? Allowing him to do something YOU want him to do? By someone you don’t speak to and isn’t invited?

You are a mad person!

They came to our wedding as they were told to by his late mother. But didn’t speak to us. SIL and me don’t really have s problem no. And I find it funny because I have made a bit of a mistake I think!!

Its not even his daughter you haven’t invited but want to be his unpaid labour, it’s his son’s wife! Why didn’t you ask FIL’s son, the one who hates DH?

This has got to be a wind up, no one is that crass.

Well that’s going to be the conversation of the wedding!

Your poor daughter!

Why are you picking up your DH’s mess?

If he and his brother can’t have a civil conversation when their last surviving parent is in poor health, then I think that speak volumes.

Never mind the fact that this is your DH’s issue, you’ll be busy enough on the morning of the wedding. What has your DH got to do- I’m guessing just get himself dressed?

My own dad just met me at the church (sanf for my sister)- why can’t your DH sort his dad out, bring him to the church and meet you all there, then bring him back after the family photos?