To wonder how many parents actually suffer from empty nest syndrome after the teenage years.

[P3onyPenny]

Does anyone?

Love my kids but I can see we drive them bats and vice/versa. They're ready to fly. Yes I'll shed a tear but not sure I'll be in pieces.

Or am I deluded?

I say to people who ask about ENS - Imagine you get a job, you love it, its hard work but fun, you get to go on holidays, days out, trips, adventures, and you get to work with great people, OK, they are demanding some days but on the whole its an amazing job. Then one day you go to work and the door code has changed. The other people at work still have fun, they still go on holidays and have days out, but you cant go. In fact, these people you've spent years and years with will now hardly speak to you. Oh, when they do they adore you, but then they disappear for weeks on end, whilst you sit in an empty house.

How would you feel?

For me - I was fine the first time around, then my dd came back home after a marriage break up. Living together as adults was a different challenge and lots of fun. Then she left, again. Now the empty nest is emptier than ever. And I, for one, am feeling a bit sad about that. Actually a lot sad.

For me - I was fine the first time around, then my dd came back home after a marriage break up. Living together as adults was a different challenge and lots of fun. Then she left, again. Now the empty nest is emptier than ever. And I, for one, am feeling a bit sad about that. Actually a lot sad.

I hear you. Ive experienced this with one of my lot and I just wanted to acknowledge your sadness and to give you a squeeze if thats ok with you.

PollyFlinderz
I stayed for the sake of the children ( usual story ) so when they go I’ll have nothing. But I’m also 55 so too old to start again - or at least that’s how I feel. I just haven’t got the energy.

Thank you for replying to me though

I have 2 who went off to uni and built their futures within their respective uni towns. They come home to visit 3 or 4 times a year. I love to see them but after a few days of long legs, big feet, and their shoes, clothes, bags and other bits cluttering up the place I also love to see them go again.

Number 3 is 16. It may be harder to see the baby fly the nest but I'm sure I'll get over it quickly.

With mobiles and social networking sites it's easy to keep tabs on them and keep updated with what they are doing.

After years of ferrying around teenagers at all hours of the day or night plus going through their teenage angst with them there comes a time when parents need peace, solitude, and a clean, tidy home without the never ending bickering and competing.

I can't wait for the day when I can book a holiday for 2 and do exactly what we want to do during the day and evening without waiting up, worrying what the teens are getting up to or what time they'll be in.

Or even arriving home from work to a quiet, clean house, making food for 2, getting into pj's and just chilling. It will feel strange but oh so welcome

I loved it. I shut off their floor and celebrated being free....

Then they arrived back, which is ok.

Mine have boomeranged over the years, but the last one should leave next year.

I can't wait. For them to have independence, and for me to be able to do what I want, when I want without having to check it's ok with them.

Thank you for replying to me though flowers

I’m really sorry you’re feeling so drained. But without wanting to harp on I promise you you could make a move at 55. You owe it to yourself to make sure your middle age and onwards is better than what youve had up to now. And I’d even go as far as to say your children would want that for you as well.

I have a feeling if you started putting little thoughts together in your head it would actually perk you up a bit. Could you think about starting a thread in relationships asking for ideas on how you can plan a different life for yourself so that in x amount of years time you can make the move.

You don’t have to go into details as to why you’re unhappy and you most certainly don’t have to listen to people saying LTB now. You could just say this is what I’m giving thought to, how would I do it?

Oh and just so you know. There’s loads of us here whose circumstances changed when we were older, in our 50’s and 60’s, and I think you’d be surprised at how good life can be.

You could even name change for your thread and keep your usual name for other threads. No one need know it’s you.

Thing is HugoandSam - I don't see my dc moving away to University as being anything like that. You being 'excluded' by being shut out of work, is nothing like me carrying on my life and all I do here, whilst my dc move on to the next stage of their life, at a very exciting time for them. As an adult, my life only changes within the home - my work, my firends, my hobbies, my volunteering, etc are all still the same.

I also speak to/ spoke to each of mine far more when they are away from home than I do when they are technically living at the same address.

Thank you, hug most appreciated

BackforGood - yes I see what you say, I can only say what I feel. In the last two years I also lost my partner so I had my dd as a cushion I think, with her leaving the gap is huge.

I know I am lonely, I miss my children, my purpose and my identity. I know I should get a hobby, volunteer and find the new me. Knowing and doing is not the same. I am trying, but today, and maybe tomorrow I am sad.

My youngest has just left home. All in all I have done Mumming for nearly 32 years .... and now DH and I are alone in our three bed house.

It's quiet
It's tidy
The loo roll isn't disappearing at an alarming rate
Food in the fridge stays in the fridge
We have a lot more cups/plates and glasses than I thought we did
Washing basket has diminished
All bins are half empty when we put them out

But not having the hum of music, phone conversations, tv upstairs on top of hairdryers and the shower constantly in use is really weird... I do miss her

My last fledgling

Oh and according to our energy meter - the energy bill will be going down

And I need to learn to cook for two .... I have bought chicken breasts and put then in individual bags for the freezer.

I can remember Dd1 leaving for university at 20. I was 35 I was so proud and excited for her, you'd have thought it was me going to uni.
I didn't feel sad. I looked at it as my time to do all the things I'd missed out on. That was until the SUPRISE arrival of dd2.

Ah will I ever achieve it! Ifrst borin 1984, 3 came back after graduation and teenagers are now back from university.i suspect it will be in about 5 years' time when I am over 60 after 39 years of living with children I might actually get to live alone! It will be lovely. I have never in my entire life had enough time on my own and I doubt it will ever be entirely peaceful and children free as there are quite a lot of them and the generation after but that's fine.

And on the powe rbill I got a £1000 refund (I kid you not) from my gas/electric provider this year or late last year when the 3 boys left.

And the saga over the 25% single person council discount has been a long saga - with the council spinning it out over 6 months, taking 2 months to reply to a letter and then asking for more evidence -0 individual letters from each university department, then 2 months later, evidence my daughter left - already sent 4 months before special delivery and she left about 8 years ago anyway on and on and then they granted it the day after they issued the 18/19 bill without the discount - all sounds pretty deliberate.... then they issued a correction on my application (and they have a website where you have to upload documents but which does not work hence all my special delivery letters)........showing the discount at long last. Phew.,...

Then only 2 months later from another town I received a letter about checking I correctly had the discounts - had to send all the stuff yet again. They can come here, they can record, they can put in hidden camerais but I promise only I live here with the 2 student children, no lover, no over night boyfriend, no hidden husband or occasional lodger.

I am wandering what I will talk to DH about!! He is not a talker, I am! Having 3 girls in the house keeps things lively, oldest goes to Uni next year and few years yet until the youngest goes. DH can’t wait to go on couple holidays, I dread the thought that we will be sat there with nothing to talk about!

My dd will go to uni next year and ds plans to go the following year. I have been a single parent for 16 years,and will then be living alone for the first time ever. I will only be 45 so am excited and dreading it all at the same time!

Ok, so from responses to my post I AM talking utter rubbish - reminds self not to respond to threads when I have no experience of the subject, But in my defense, what I said wasn't made up in my head, it's what I've seen with friends and family but obviously they are a tiny sample.

I'm counting the days! Not for oldest DS who has ASD, I'd be thrilled if he were ever independent enough to have a job and want to move out, but I don't think that will happen.

Holidaying this year with DS2 and DD (17 and 15) I decided that was the last time I was ever taking them away. They are bored by me and did not want to do any of the activities I had organised (Cotswold Water Park type place so lots of fun things to do). Counting the days until they leave home. They are ready to go and I am ready for them to go too.

I also like to keep fit,, but again constraints mean that I don't get to the gym as often as I would like to, so I am really looking forward to increasing the time I spend at the gym.

This is what I love most now mine all have lives of their own, I can do any gym classes I choose to and double classes. It's bliss ☺️

I have been there. I am a single mum and both mine went the same year 3 years ago. I was emotional for months in the lead up and cried driving all the way home for hours after I dropped off DS1, then I had to do it all again the following week! I felt bereft for the first couple of days, the house seemed so empty and I started leaving their bedroom doors open even though they used to keep them closed. However they both used to come home once a month in the first year and then there was the long holidays. Gradually they did not come home so much and I have got used to living on my own. I do think those with OH are lucky in that they have company when the empty nest time comes, as it is very different when you are left completely alone. My eldest is home for the Summer and whilst I was looking forward to it, it takes some getting used to again on both sides which I do not think he realises. Things change , it is the circle of life, but how I wish I could go back in time and make them small again and enjoy that time all over again. Whatever you do do not listening to the song ' Slipping through my fingers '.