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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how many parents actually suffer from empty nest syndrome after the teenage years.

121 replies

P3onyPenny · 10/08/2018 19:44

Does anyone?

Love my kids but I can see we drive them bats and vice/versa. They're ready to fly. Yes I'll shed a tear but not sure I'll be in pieces.

Or am I deluded?

OP posts:
MsAwesomeDragon · 10/08/2018 23:08

Dd1 is going to uni in September. I'm really looking forward to it, because she's so excited about it. She's pretty nice as teen-agers go, not demanding, relatively helpful, independent. But she does take up space and make a mess (her bedroom is a health hazard at times).

I'll still have dd2 at home for another 10 years. She claims she's never leaving because she loves her daddy too much (notice no mention of mummy!!!!). We fully expect that to change as she gets older though and uni will quite probably feature in her future plans so she'll have to leave then (we don't have a uni close enough for her to stay at home)

PurpleNailVarnish · 11/08/2018 07:16

When the last one left to go to Uni we both felt miserable for a week or two.
Then we got used to the idea.
Then we liked it.
We started making plans for redecorating the house.

Now DC 3 is coming back for a year as she's got a Uni related work placement.
Seriously, we could scream.

speakout · 11/08/2018 07:26

I wonder if it is to do with how invested a parent is in their own lives.
My youngest is off to University next month, my oldest has spent a year working abroad ( but is now back home)

Can't say I am overly upset at the thought of them both leaving. We have a very close relationship, and I have found the teenage years easy in terms of angst etc, but still teens can be demanding without really even knowing it,
Food, lifts, things needing organised and sorted,.

I run a small business from home which is booming, but I don't get enough time or energy to do the work I would like to- new product development, make a web site etc.
I also like to keep fit,, but again constraints mean that I don't get to the gym as often as I would like to, so I am really looking forward to increasing the time I spend at the gym.
Ditto to spend more time with OH, and eat the stuff we like as opposed to " family meals" which have to account for broader tastes.

I will be a little sad, yes.

Bereft? Certainly not.

I

Oliversmumsarmy · 11/08/2018 07:53

Eldest is not going to university but can't afford to move out.

Youngest is doing a 3 year college course so will be at home for the foreseeable future.

I am sure they will go at some point but at the moment I cannot imagine not having them around.

WeAreGerbil · 11/08/2018 08:05

For people saying they have more money, isn't it just as expensive to support them if they go to uni?

My DD is 15, I feel mixed, in the one hand I would like some time and independence (!) back, on the other it's just me and her so the house will be really quiet when she goes. I sometimes find myself wishing away the next few years when things are stressful, but quickly wonder what the hell I'm thinking because actually her teenage years have probably been the best of my life. (I do also run a business and have outside interests in case that sounds a bit sad!)

SilverDragonfly1 · 11/08/2018 08:31

I thought I was absolutely fine with it, then the day he left I burst into near hysterical tears and started apologising for all the things I feel I did wrong as a mum. Since then I've been fine!

My husband still misses him 2 years on though.

Original poster
P3onyPenny · 11/08/2018 08:47

The poster who said she was over it. That's how I feel. Love them to bits but 14 years of always trying to make sure all 5 of us are catered for re wants,food,happiness etc,not having my own space,stretching money,clearing up mess/ enduring stress I haven't made,the bickering.....

Kind of over it but wondered if I'd actually look back longingly at the above or if feeling like that wasn't normal iykwim. Interesting to see how others have ended up feeling.Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
P3onyPenny · 11/08/2018 08:49

That said, I'm so going to end up doing what Silver did as they leave.Grin

OP posts:
DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 11/08/2018 08:54

As some of you know, we said goodbye to three at once last month. Really odd to walk into a room and find it as was left. We miss DGS, but getting the space back...

Anyway, DD is an adult. That was the point of having her.

2gorgeousboys · 11/08/2018 09:04

My eldest will, Thursday's results depending, be leaving in the next month. I can't think about it without getting emotional but I think I'll get used to it. DS2 will however find it harder. They fight like mad and niggle constantly but also talk constantly about football, games, cycling and other things I have no interest in. It will be strange for him to temporarily at least be an only child!

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 11/08/2018 09:05

I think moving out to live in same area nearby is fine.

Moving a distance away is horrid. My ds 24 was offered an amazing job in London. And he’s gone and l miss him very much😭

babbi · 11/08/2018 09:10

Anyfucker --- always love your posts but this is undoubtedly one of your best ......

"I wish mine would fuck off, tbh

Sooo over it"

I am howling and cheering at this !!!

Totally brightened up my morning !!!

claraschu · 11/08/2018 09:14

2 of mine have gone, and the 3rd will go soon. The first 2 are abroad Sad.

I am feeling a very serious change in my life and also seeing my friends go through a midlife crisis as they cope with this time of life. I am struggling, feeling like I am questioning everything- marriage, work, life-choices in general-, having a really hard time.

PostNotInHaste · 11/08/2018 09:14

If anyone on the south coast heard shouts of joy last weekend that was DH and I when DD finally drove off down the road off to University. She’s already left once for 6 months then came back and was in the house nearly constantly for a year which was really tough on both of us.

Crunch time will be 4 years t8mebwhen DS goes but he’s so self contained we kind of forget he is here (must try harder). Absolutely loving having the peace and she pops up on WhatsApp loads so regular contact. I love her dearly, really looking forward to going and visit7ng and her coming to stay for short periods but would rather not live with her again, I am done with that,

MrsMozart · 11/08/2018 09:18

Hate it. Miss them so much.

Love DH, pleased they're able to do their thing, know it's the natural order, have lots to keep me busy, etc etc etc, but still miss them.

Oliversmumsarmy · 11/08/2018 09:18

I am in the position that ds will be joining me in business when he has done college and I am partners in DDS business.

I think we will end up moving abroad and building a huge place that will be split into 3 places.

LittleCandle · 11/08/2018 09:19

Not me! I would have cried when DD2 was dropped at university, but as it was also the anniversary of DM's death, if I had started crying I would never have stopped. DD1 leaving home was a relief, as she was a nasty little cow at that point (aided and abetted by XH). Thankfully, she didn't return home, but when she became pregnant, she suddenly got over her dislike of me and phones every weekday morning on her way to work. While it is good she wants to talk to me, I do sometimes wish she wouldn't!

AnyFucker · 11/08/2018 09:20

Glad to give you a smile, babbi Grin

And I absolutely mean it !

llangennith · 11/08/2018 09:34

If you're living with a husband or partner maybe an empty nest gives you the freedom to do as you please but if you're single it's not much fun
I used to long for the peace of no kids at home particularly when I had three teenagers. But when youngest DC moved out without much notice ten years ago and got married to someone she hadn't known long (she's happily married) I felt bereft. I divorced years ago and hadn't realised what a big change living alone it is from having someone else coming and going. Enjoy the noisy years.

Winegal · 11/08/2018 09:40

My mum and dad loved it! They get the best of both worlds though as my oh and I get on with them like a house on fire so see them a lot for drinks and dinners but then they get the house to themselves!

ladybirdsaredotty · 11/08/2018 10:08

I feel totally bereft at the thought of my little DC3bleating home...but he's not 10 months yet and still breastfeeding Grin I am hoping to be one of those parents who sails through it but I can see it going either way. I was ok when DC1 (still not 7 herself yet) started school and feel fine about DC2 starting next month. I think like others have said it might be the last one leaving that will be difficult.

Thanks for the insights, I'm finding this really interesting Smile

ladybirdsaredotty · 11/08/2018 10:09

*leaving, not bleating Grin

ladybirdsaredotty · 11/08/2018 10:11

(Sorry if that came across as a smug bf post btw...totally jot my intention, just joking highlighting how young DC3 still is!)

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 11/08/2018 12:41

I'm a long way off this (youngest is 1)
But DH and I have a plan,and use countdown apps for each kid turning 18.

There's a tradition in our family to present a FIFO bag for 18th birthday.

Fill It up and Fuck Off Grin

We don't actually insist they do this immediately but they will need a plan by then.

I definitely agree about the youngest being the hardest. My younger SIL was 30 HmmShock before she moved out. The elder SIL still visits frequently and both still maintain their rooms and wardrobes at home Confused

I am learning lots from other people. Hopefully if we set the expectations early we should be okay?! Right???!!!?

romany4 · 11/08/2018 13:26

My ds2 has just left home. Ds1 left 5 years ago.
It's different, it's definitely quieter and tidier.

But I see them both regularly and DH and I are enjoying just having each other again.c
I thought I'd be a lot more upset than I am!

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