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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder how many parents actually suffer from empty nest syndrome after the teenage years.

121 replies

P3onyPenny · 10/08/2018 19:44

Does anyone?

Love my kids but I can see we drive them bats and vice/versa. They're ready to fly. Yes I'll shed a tear but not sure I'll be in pieces.

Or am I deluded?

OP posts:

SingingTunelessly · 10/08/2018 20:27

When the last one finally (FINALLY) left I surprised myself by how upset I was and did cry for about 24hrs on and off although DC never knew it obviously. Then within 48hrs I realised how peaceful and lovely the house was .... it was all up from there! God we love our empty nest. Although they do come back and fill it up a couple of weekends a month or so which is lovely. Then they go again and that is also lovely

Lynne1Cat · 10/08/2018 20:27

My 2ns son left home at 28 (quite late), a few years after son no. 1 had gone. I hated the quiet, the tidiness, and just Him Indoors to talk to. I needn't have worried, as both sons lived less than a mile from us(and each other). Son no. 2 has been back then left again, a couple of times.

WaxOnFeckOff · 10/08/2018 20:31

I miss mine even if they just go out for the evening .

I have a full life and a full time job and i don't see them when they are in but still.... 18 and 17 so maybe i still have time to get sick of them?

Jennyvenice · 10/08/2018 20:32

My mum left my dad and moved out of the family home shortly after I left for uni. (I was the youngest of 3, so her last child at home)

There were other factors - my 16 year old cousin - her niece - who she adored died very suddenly around the same time, which meant she was spending a lot of time staying with her bereaved sister to try to support her. And after this time away from my dad she didn't want to go back.

Jennyvenice · 10/08/2018 20:32

...to an empty home with just him.

Maverick66 · 10/08/2018 20:34

I look forward to it. It is a natural right of passage.

Unfortunately I don't think it will ever happen with my middle child.
She has no social life and has never had a boyfriend .......can't understand why.
She didn't go to uni.
My eldest is gone and my youngest is chomping at the bit.

I want time for me and Dh but I think one of us will die first

gabsdot · 10/08/2018 20:39

My poor parents never had the chance, after my youngest brother left home and my sister and her family moved back in and they're still there.

nokidshere · 10/08/2018 20:49

my eldest will be going in September depending on the results next week of course. He cant wait and is very excited. My youngest is due to be going this time next year but cant decide if he wants to or not.

I'm in two minds really. Of course I will miss them and I will probably cry on the day they leave but I am also looking forward to spending more time with dh who is retiring soon. and no wet towels, and food left in the fridge, and etc etc etc

dotty12345 · 10/08/2018 21:03

My youngest (16) off next weekend to live with my cousin (she has got him an apprenticeship at her place (chef) I’m bloody dreading it though I feel it’s the best for him. I’m 53 and have had a child at home since I was 19, just hope I can keep it together!!

Singlenotsingle · 10/08/2018 21:07

They're called boomerang babies. They come back, again and again!

agnurse · 10/08/2018 21:08

My parents were very proactive about preventing empty nest syndrome. I'm the oldest of 6 and my youngest brother is 9 years younger than me and 10 years behind me in school, so by the time he graduated our mum had been a SAHM for almost 30 years (we were all homeschooled and then sent to online school for high school). My youngest brother went to public school for his last 3 years because he was the only one still at home. Mum started taking university language courses and became active in her church women's group. Dad is still working but he has developed an interest in guns and target shooting (we live in Canada so much more relaxed attitude towards firearms; Dad is a very careful and responsible gun owner). He also reloads ammunition so he makes his own bullets. I was very pleased that they were able to find ways to keep busy.

BigGapMum · 10/08/2018 21:13

I had empty nest syndrome so badly I had another child. ( note my name )

Rockyrockcake · 10/08/2018 21:14

My first left at 18,the next at 19 and the youngest at 20.i love them to bits but I was glad to see them making their own way in life. I really liked the freedom and the tidy house, having money in my pocket and having three houses to visit.

GenerationX2 · 10/08/2018 21:15

My DMIL calls the teenage years the Separation Gene - she means that they are so horrible as teenagers so you don't miss them so much when they leave

happypoobum · 10/08/2018 21:20

Youngest should be leaving in a few weeks (results permitting) and I have plans for a radical downsize. Obviously there will always be room for DC on my sofabed but I am really looking forwards to being able to cut back on work and have fewer outgoings.

No point in keeping empty rooms going when they will only be used a couple of times a year - especially as their DH has a large house with empty bedrooms they can use (although they both say they would rather sleep on my floor!)

No - I feel I am very proud that my DC are keen to move forwards with their lives - both want to live and work abroad, as I did in my 20s. I don't think I will have empty nest syndrome.

I do have some friends who got divorced soon after youngest left home - there just wasn't enough left to warrant staying together. I am already very happily single though

Freshprincess · 10/08/2018 21:22

I'm a few years off yet, but I'm already looking around for hobbies and interests outside of the DCs so hopefully I won't feel it too badly (they're twins).

Feelshortchanged · 10/08/2018 21:28

I was a bit emotional about it at first when each one left...but I soon got used to it! It was lovely only having the two of us to consider for a change, and they always visited often so it's not like we never saw them. At the moment one is back for the summer and as lovely as it is having him around...my shopping bill has tripled due to the amount he eats, I've got more washing, more ironing (he's working full time whilst he's here so I'm tending to do it rather than leave it for him) and I'm kind of looking forward to it just being the two of us again!

moronseverywhere · 10/08/2018 21:38

I have at least 16 years to go. And I'm counting down the days

otterturk · 10/08/2018 21:48

Tradition. She's not lying down as a sodding carpet.

BackforGood · 10/08/2018 21:59

My nest isn't empty yet, but I've not broken down in tears when either of the elder two went off to University. I was proud to see them have achieved that, and be grown up enough to be moving to the transition stage that is University. I'm looking forward to when my youngest goes. It's lovely, not sad.

Laiste · 10/08/2018 22:00

I braced myself for this as i get emotional and struggle with even tiny milestones!

However - the leaving of eldest (25) has happened twice now and she's come back twice. She's no plans to go anywhere as we're building bigger house. No.2 half left for about 2 years and has now technically left but spends more time here than she does there. No.3 has said she can't see any reason to go. See above - bigger house.

To top it all we've now had a fourth DD who's only 4. So going nowhere for a long time

Aroundtheworldandback · 10/08/2018 22:31

“My youngest is only 6 months and I’m already looking forward to them all leaving home ... already planning how I’ll redecorate”
^^ This made me laugh!! I’m about to be empty nested. If I know my kids are fine I’m ok, but I know it helps I’m happy with my dh and my life. I know if I wasn’t It’d be different.

crazycadetmum · 10/08/2018 22:55

Mine showed no signs of moving out...so we moved out instead!
I’ve got a new job in a different county so we will sell our house soon and they will have to move on! I love them but definitely do not suffer from empty nest syndrome.

AnnabelleLecter · 10/08/2018 23:01

DD is 18 and has talked about moving out, but has now decided to go on some holidays abroad and save up to buy instead of renting which will take her a few years. Phew!
The house would be so empty without her and her entourage.

AnyFucker · 10/08/2018 23:04

I wish mine would fuck off, tbh

Sooo over it

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