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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how many parents actually suffer from empty nest syndrome after the teenage years.

121 replies

P3onyPenny · 10/08/2018 19:44

Does anyone?

Love my kids but I can see we drive them bats and vice/versa. They're ready to fly. Yes I'll shed a tear but not sure I'll be in pieces.

Or am I deluded?

OP posts:
TheThirdOfHerName · 11/08/2018 13:42

My eldest (of four) is due to leave home next month.

Things I will not miss:
My phone chargers disappearing.
Loud music to accompany all showering & cooking.
Food randomly disappearing when it was intended for a meal.
The bickering between him & the youngest.

Things I will miss:
His wit & sense of humour.
Someone to watch dark/satirical TV shows with.
His general presence.

Saidthesharktotheflyingfish · 11/08/2018 13:55

I was really happy when DD moved out to go to uni. She was a strong willed opinionated teenager - she was ready to go and I was ready for her to go. I did miss her at first, and we both cried as we said goodbye, but our relationship is so much better now we don't live together and we're in touch most days. Itn really enjoying this stage of life and the freedom it brings.

BestIsWest · 11/08/2018 13:56

Miss mine terribly. DD lives 50 miles away - I see her about once a month though we message frequently. Seeing her today in fact.
DS is at uni so home at the moment but it’s far too quiet when he is away too.

I’m not sure I’d cope with them both at home full time any more though.

Saidthesharktotheflyingfish · 11/08/2018 13:57

'I'm' not itn

MaMisled · 11/08/2018 13:59

Not me! I dreaded it for years....was seriously afraid, but I'm loving it! !!

Maelstrop · 11/08/2018 14:00

My mother turned my room into a kind of shrine. She couldn’t understand why I moved so far away. She’s especially pissed off that my cousins all live within 5 miles of their mum and I’m 5 hours away!

bert3400 · 11/08/2018 14:04

Mine are 16&10. We love them dearly but DH and I often plan are adventures when they have fled the nest ( we want to travel , travel & some more travel ). We have had a few adventures without them due to amazing GP and it's blissful and stress-free 😁

SilverySurfer · 11/08/2018 14:14

I couldn't have children but from what I've observed, to a certain extent it seems to depend on how much you submerged yourself into motherhood. Those who gave 100% of themselves, spending 24/7 caring for their DC's every whim will generally be weeping/sobbing messes and those who had their own career, hobbies etc, still sad but minus the hysteria.

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm talking rubbish Smile

scaryteacher · 11/08/2018 14:14

Ds went off to UK for sixth form at 16, in 2012, and has only been back in the holidays since. He completes his MA this month, and we pick him up to come and live at home for a bit in 20 days.

I am gearing myself up for increased bread and milk consumption, banging about at odd hours, mess, computers leads trailing everywhere, more laundry, breadcrumbs everywhere.....but he will be helping round the house, doing the dishwasher, helping with the shopping and cooking, and job hunting. If he is going to live with us again, there has to be at least one full job application filed per day.

WaxOnFeckOff · 11/08/2018 14:34

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm talking rubbish

Full time career here and DH was a stay at home dad when they were small. Still fully expect to be a mess :)

storynanny · 11/08/2018 14:47

Mine are much older than all of yours, 36,33 and 27. I was perfectly ok with them all going off to university. However I went through my empty nest crisis when the eldest two married, emigrated for work and had babies. I felt redundant and had a very down couple of years.
I am over it now! Only see the eldest two once or twice a year and the youngest texts regularly but only see him about once a month for a catch up.
I’m lucky that I have a dh though, not sure I would be so upbeat about long distance parenting/ grandparenting if not.

storynanny · 11/08/2018 14:48

Still hanker after the lovely years when I had them all at home little!
Maybe a bit rose tinted though.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 11/08/2018 14:50

I’m already feeling the effects of the empty nest syndrome and he is not even gone. Teenage trains you to let go... at some points you only see them when they come down for lunch...

Samcro · 11/08/2018 15:13

mine both went within a week of each other. so went form 3 (dd's Gf was living here as well) to nothing.
fine with ds moving out. he is not far away and see him often. but dd OMG that is hard. gone from full time carer (severe sn) to not much at all. doesn't help that she loves the place she is in so much. if I say do you want to come home for a visit .....she says no.
sad

corythatwas · 11/08/2018 15:35

All families are slightly different, circumstances are slightly different.

My eldest was a lovely teen, pleasure to have around, but having seen her disabled and confined to her bed, then crippled by MH issues and suicidal, seeing her finally able to move away to the big city to pursue her dreams didn't feel like losing her at all: it felt like a promise that we would get to keep her. I had thought we would lose her in a far more horrible manner.

Her brother is 18 and probably won't be in a position to move away for quite a few years. Can't say it worries me at all; again, he is a pleasant lad and I like having him around. But I am busy relaunching my career, so not anticipating sitting around staring at the empty furniture.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 11/08/2018 15:37

😂at AF. I feel the same some days.

I think it depends on the teen. One of mine is always out, and if she's not out she's asleep. Not interested in doing much with me. So I will miss her less than her sister who has a great social life but also still enjoys lunch/coffee out with me or cinema/shopping. I will miss that tremendously.

PollyFlinderz · 11/08/2018 17:56

I'm fully prepared to be told I'm talking rubbish smile

Thats good.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 11/08/2018 18:08

Those who gave 100% of themselves, spending 24/7 caring for their DC's every whim will generally be weeping/sobbing messes and those who had their own career, hobbies etc, still sad but minus the hysteria.

Bloody hell, it is good that I have been working full time throughout and never put up with nonsense... I live near a university and every time I see the parents dropping the freshers off I cry, and they are not even mine! Grin

Echo2 · 11/08/2018 18:17

I’ll hate it. Sad
My Kids are my life as I haven’t got a good relationship with dh, in fact, when it’s just me & him I think I’ll go mad.

PollyFlinderz · 11/08/2018 18:19

Mine are much older than all of yours, 36,33 and 27

Mine are older than yours except the youngest two who are 28 and 30.

My lot (well not the youngest because of his circumstances) all travelled many time zones away for their further education and that was hard but nothing was as hard as the first of my children getting married. It was awful and the day after the wedding was very difficult to get through as as a family. We were bloody miserable. We were very happy for them but we didn't half miss them because they moved away the night of their 'decided at the last minute sorted out in 3 days wedding'. Thankfully though I now have all of my lot within 5 minutes of me (my youngest lives with me because of his disabilities) and its a great comfort that they did come home because somewhere along the line my marriage of then 37 years ended. Not that they came home because of that, and I would never have asked them to, they did it a few years earlier because this is where it was better for them to be. I have a feeling however that its my grandchildren who'll emigrate one day, once the oil runs out.

YeTalkShiteHen · 11/08/2018 18:21

My Mum did a happy dance when I moved out!

When she finally got rid of my dickhead brother at 28 she redecorated his room in record time to avoid him trying to come back (she wasn’t horrible, he really is a monumental dickhead)

PollyFlinderz · 11/08/2018 18:29

My Kids are my life as I haven’t got a good relationship with dh, in fact, when it’s just me & him I think I’ll go mad

It must be so hard for you to live day in and day out in an unhappy marriage and Im sorry you're having to do this. My marriage ended suddenly, there was no years of misery etc, so when I did think to myself I have a decision to make I catapulted myself into a whole new way of being. I was 16 when I met my husband and we separated when i was 55.

Can you use the time between now and the time your children will leave home to plan a new life for yourself. Have a little action plan thats your secret so that when the time comes you can live the rest of your life very differently to how you're living now.

Sorry, I also wanted to say I accept there are very genuine reasons for why people really can't end a marriage or make a different life for themselves and Im sorry if thats a position you've found yourself in.

DeathlyPail · 11/08/2018 18:33

My eldest left for uni at the other end of he country, and whilst we missed her we still spoke to her regularly and I went to visit once in the first term. Her terms were quite short and her holidays where where she return home quite long. Our other DC is 2 school years younger and last September should have been my empty nest which I was looking forward to, I had even stocked up on cats to fill my house. However DC1 had other ideas and dropped out of uni without finishing her 2nd year. She is now working full time and living at home although may go back to uni next year. DC2 is home for the Summer and my house is full of people. I think my DC will keep coming back until they graduate, and that my empty nest will be when they eave home for full time employment.

whyareyoucrying · 11/08/2018 18:33

I had an empty nest baby as mine were leaving for university. I was 41 😂 dd is now 6. Thank goodness it can't happen again!

Oldaintallthat · 11/08/2018 18:38

Oh what I would have done for a thread like this last year!

Youngest went to uni last year. It was incredibly hard - much tougher than I expected.
He's home for the summer now and its amazing to go and kiss the back of his head as hes on the PC and say goodnight like I always used to.

But, Im actually looking forward to him going back this year. Itll be tidy again!

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