Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of BF being a gentleman

57 replies

Kakamora · 10/08/2018 17:36

I'm so tired of my boyfriend seemingly trying to prove he's a gentleman when it's inappropriate.
Some examples:

We went on holiday with friends and one friend hurt her leg, he was carrying her round on his back most the holiday whilst I walked on my own.
I was on a night out separate to his night out and a person in his friendship group he briefly dated was drunk and he carried her back to her friends house.

I don't think it's appropriate, my friends all think my annoyance is uncalled for but why can't he take my feelings into account he's always looking after these girls when he shouldn't be getting involved. Maybe one time but not situations like this all the time.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 10/08/2018 17:40

Listen to your friends.

GoblinSharts · 10/08/2018 17:40

He appears to have a strange obsession with carrying women. It’s weird. Maybe suggest he looks into weight lifting.

MsOliphant · 10/08/2018 17:42

I think picking up women and carrying them about like little Disney princesses is a bit weird.

YeTalkShiteHen · 10/08/2018 17:44

If he carried a male friend home would it bother you?

Original poster
Kakamora · 10/08/2018 17:44

Theyre just examples I could think of. He's tall so people encourage him to be the one who is the carrier in situations like that

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 10/08/2018 17:46

He sounds like a man desperate to be the Hero.. Hmm

Original poster
Kakamora · 10/08/2018 17:48

I just want him to consider that yes! I am jealous. It'd be nice to hold my boyfriends hand or have him offer to carry me home when drunk. If he was single go for it, but he shouldn't be so agreeable to help all these women right? I know he doesn't mean anything by it but honestly it's just so annoying

OP posts:
TheNavigator · 10/08/2018 17:51

It sounds really annoying and all a bit over the top - how many women can need carried, really?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 10/08/2018 17:52

I just want him to consider that yes! I am jealous.

If that's your genuine reason; then yes, YABU. You cannot expect him to curb his behaviour because of your irrational jealousy.

It would be fine to find this weird because women aren't dolls that need to be carried around; and it's very strange that he finds himself in so many situations where he does need to carry a fully grown woman, but it doesn't sound like this is what bothers you.

lapenguin · 10/08/2018 17:53

Prince charming syndrome a bit... Wanting to be the amazing man helping a damsel in distress

MsOliphant · 10/08/2018 17:53

Ah, so you want to be carried

AGirlinLondon · 10/08/2018 17:55
  1. @GoblinSharts best username on Mumsnet no contest
  1. OP you might consider that you have just got a nice boyfriend. Mine is also like this, and is very considerate - but it’s not limited to carrying women around on nights out - so as long as he’s also up for doing stuff like helping old folks with their shopping or other things like that I think you’re fine.
Cuppaorwine · 10/08/2018 17:56

There’s a sport called wife carrying op. There are many events. Be spot on for you two.

Or get some really fat friends

LuluJakey1 · 10/08/2018 17:58

Very odd. The only other women I have seen DH carry in the 10yrs I have known him are our 16m old DD and 15m old DN.

BackforGood · 10/08/2018 18:01

@Cuppaorwine Grin

YABU to be upset that he is kind and considerate.
Does seem an odd amount of carrying however.

LeighaJ · 10/08/2018 18:02

"GoblinSharts

He appears to have a strange obsession with carrying women. It’s weird. Maybe suggest he looks into weight lifting."

Agree.

LuluJakey1 · 10/08/2018 18:04

It's only a week or so ago you were posting about not being committed to him and asking if you should break up with him- as I recall. Sorry if I have misremembered.

YeTalkShiteHen · 10/08/2018 18:04

If he was single go for it, but he shouldn't be so agreeable to help all these women right? I know he doesn't mean anything by it but honestly it's just so annoying

Those two statements are totally contradictory. You sound very jealous.

gamerwidow · 10/08/2018 18:05

You’re problem isn’t with your boyfriend carrying women it’s because you’re jealous and your boyfriend can’t give other women attention without you getting in a mood. I’m assuming you were uninjured or otherwise encumbered when your BF carried your friends. It’s not like he said ‘you sort yourself out I’m interested in carrying someone different tonight’.
What sort of circle of friends do you have that requires this level of carrying anyway?

TooTrueToBeGood · 10/08/2018 18:05

It'd be nice to .......have him offer to carry me home when drunk

Classy.

Cuppaorwine · 10/08/2018 18:07

Is he Garston? Is he French?

Namethecat · 10/08/2018 18:07

When your next out - fake a stumble and pretend your hobbling on your ankle to see if he whisks you into his arms. If not you have your answer ( he just wants to get his hands on other women )

Cuppaorwine · 10/08/2018 18:08

you sort yourself out I am carrying someone else tonught

Grin bloody funny gamerchick

busybear · 10/08/2018 18:14

My ex used to do this a lot. Any time any woman was having a problem, he would have to get involved. I often felt like I was second best.
One of the things I love about my now DH is that I come first with him. He will help others if needed but he doesn't go over board.

BertrandRussell · 10/08/2018 18:17

Are there any non carrying examples? Because the two things you mention seem quite normal for a friendship grip.