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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at husband for saying if he was a woman he would pay to have a C section?

80 replies

1tobleroneplease · 10/08/2018 13:05

I had my baby in January and my Labour was normal and classed as 'quick'. However I was/am astonished at how painful the whole experience was and when talking about it at a bbq last weekend my husband piped up and said 'if I were a woman I'd pay for a private section, I wouldn't have that happen to my vagina'.

He never at any point mentioned or suggested that I should consider a private section which means he's happy for me to go through it but he would never do it himself. It also makes me feel like he's maybe not happy with my post baby vagina?!?

I know it's petty and hypothetical and I would never have paid for something like that knowing my pregnancy was low risk etc even if he had offered/suggested it. I'm proud of what I went through and have a healthy gorgeous girl.

It's just a very thoughtless and arrogant thing for him to say and I've been dwelling on it and when I brought it up he's just said I'm being argumentative.
AIBU?

OP posts:

BounceAndJump · 10/08/2018 13:12

I'd think hes just acknowledging how painful it was and saying he doesn't think he could go through it (and also has little knowledge of a c section being major surgery which takes time to recover from).

Alienspaceship · 10/08/2018 13:13

Well have you said this to him? What did he say?

BounceAndJump · 10/08/2018 13:14

My DP has commented that if he had to give birth we'd have no children, it's just meaningless comments and shows understanding of what we've done really. If he said he thought he'd manage labour fine I'd probably be annoyed!

KoshaMangsho · 10/08/2018 13:14

I don’t think that’s what he said at all. I think you are misreading it. I doubt your husband had given childbirth much thought till he saw his wife go through it and was astonished by how painful it was and in hindsight thinks he would not have tolerated the pain himself.
I have no idea how this is a comment on the state of your vagina.

Nicknacky · 10/08/2018 13:14

I think it's a leap to think he doesn't like your vagina. He's just saying what many women say themselves.

Let it go and forget about it.

chocolatestrawberries · 10/08/2018 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glintandglide · 10/08/2018 13:15

What the actual fuck? I would be furious. Having a c section is far more serious than a normal vagina birth, to begin with, so he sounds stupid, but also what a twat to say that about a vagina doing one of its most important jobs (sounds like yours did it really well- go OPs vagina! Celebrate that lovely piece of kit)

Motherhood101Fail · 10/08/2018 13:16

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Namelesswonder · 10/08/2018 13:16

He is saying that he couldn’t have done what you did - take it as a compliment!

annandale · 10/08/2018 13:16

I would talk to him. Was he there? Sounds to me as if he found the whole experience hard - obviously in a different way, but if he's a thoughtful person he will know that what he is feeling can't approach your experience. I think he is struggling with what he feels about it and this is coming out in tone deaf comments. Ask him what he is feeling.

Clockwork95 · 10/08/2018 13:16

Most men seem to say this IME. They all think c sections are the best option.

My DH 's best friend was so happy when his girlfriend found out their baby was breech and she needed a c section, and he couldn't understand why she wouldn't think it was brilliant news.

Returnofthesmileybar · 10/08/2018 13:17

Seriously?? Are you always this easily offended?? I think it's an acknowledgement of the pain of labour too, it astonished you so it might have astonished him, it was him saying no way I would be able for that. I don't see how it was arrogant but I do see how you are being petty and argumentative

Raspberry88 · 10/08/2018 13:17

Perhaps he just found the whole experience quite frightening, even if it was a straightforward labour. I know my DH said that he would really rather I didn't go through labour again after he found the whole process leading up to my emergency cesarean really traumatic. I imagine he would definitely get a section if he had to give birth, I will certainly be asking for one next time! I'm sure it isn't any comment on you at all... unless there's another reason why you might think so! Some men (and women) are pretty squeamish about the whole thing!

SilverySurfer · 10/08/2018 13:18

I think YABU - surely what he is doing is acknowledging the pain of childbirth. I think you need to chill out a bit.

Bumpitybumper · 10/08/2018 13:19

Everyone is different and some people don't want the experience of giving birth vaginally. He simply expressed that it's not something he would like to go through if he was a woman and he would rather pay for a C-section. Perfectly valid and reasonable opinion and to be honest as someone that opted for an ELCS for a low risk pregnancy, a view I also agree with. I educated myself about the risks associated with both methods of delivery and honestly there is no definitive "best" way of giving birth.

Vitalogy · 10/08/2018 13:20

when I brought it up he's just said I'm being argumentative. I think that's more of a problem than the comment. Will he not discuss it all? Are you able to get across that you've been dwelling on the comment and are worrying that there might be more behind it?

GoatWoman · 10/08/2018 13:20

I agree with him too. I wish I had.

gamerwidow · 10/08/2018 13:21

It’s not insulting he is acknowledging that we couldn’t have done what you did.
I think most men are very over protective of their bits, it’s unimaginable to them that women would willingly put them self through pain in the genitals if they didn’t have to.

Ohyesiam · 10/08/2018 13:23

Isn’t he just clumsily saying that he’d be scared to give birth?

gamerwidow · 10/08/2018 13:23

Also of course he never mentioned a private section when you was pregnant. Firstly he probably had no idea how painful it was going to be for you and secondly he would have rightly kept quiet and not interfered with your birth plans even if he did think it.

MrSpock · 10/08/2018 13:25

Most men think this. I had ELCS because I didn’t want a vaginal birth and most of my male friends have said they’d have done that too.

MaryShelley1818 · 10/08/2018 13:26

I think you are ridiculously overreacting and misinterpreting what he was saying.
He sounds like he was saying it’s so difficult what you did that he wouldn’t be able to do it. How is this not a compliment, he’s implying you are stronger than him. (Bet he wishes he’d kept his mouth shut poor bloke)

pigsDOfly · 10/08/2018 13:28

Well as he's got absolutely no idea what it feels like to carry a baby in your body and then give birth to it his comments are of very little value.

It sounds to me like a silly throwaway remark made in front of friends without any real meaning or thought behind it.

And I certainly wouldn't take it as a comment on the state of your post birth vagina.

Treat it as the rather pointless remark it is and let it go.

MrSpock · 10/08/2018 13:28

Having a c section is far more serious than a normal vagina birth, to begin with, so he sounds stupid, but also what a twat to say that about a vagina doing one of its most important jobs (sounds like yours did it really well- go OPs vagina! Celebrate that lovely piece of kit)

A planned cesarean isn’t inherently riskier than a vaginal birth.

LeighaJ · 10/08/2018 13:30

I think it's easy to take a firm stance on what you would or wouldn't do in a hypothetical situation. Entirely different in reality.

When I said I never wanted kids when younger I also said that if I did want them I'd have a C section cuz I wouldn't want to push a baby out and possibly damage things. After I changed my mind on kids I still said c section when I actually got pregnant I changed my stance to vaginal birth.

I think a lot of people are unaware of what a c section actually is...surgery.

I don't think he was making a dig about how your vagina feels, that sounds like you are projecting there. If you are unhappy with it then do more pelvic floor exercises. Although I think that we all have to accept things aren't going to feel 110% the way they did before simply because we'd never given birth before.

I think your husband was referring to the amount of pain your vagina went through giving birth.

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