To be annoyed at husband for saying if he was a woman he would pay to have a C section?

[1tobleroneplease]

I had my baby in January and my Labour was normal and classed as 'quick'. However I was/am astonished at how painful the whole experience was and when talking about it at a bbq last weekend my husband piped up and said 'if I were a woman I'd pay for a private section, I wouldn't have that happen to my vagina'.

He never at any point mentioned or suggested that I should consider a private section which means he's happy for me to go through it but he would never do it himself. It also makes me feel like he's maybe not happy with my post baby vagina?!?

I know it's petty and hypothetical and I would never have paid for something like that knowing my pregnancy was low risk etc even if he had offered/suggested it. I'm proud of what I went through and have a healthy gorgeous girl.

It's just a very thoughtless and arrogant thing for him to say and I've been dwelling on it and when I brought it up he's just said I'm being argumentative.
AIBU?

I remember they sent 2...nurses I think to help get me up and into the bath after I gave birth and they found me walking around packing up my stuff to go. I told them I'd just take a shower in the other ward that way they could get the room ready for the next woman waiting.

That is a very fast recovery!

Unless hes making other your not the woman you were comments I take this as meaning I couldn't do it, many men find it very upsetting seeing their partner in pain and distressed often the woman says things that can be very hurtful during labour and some men even become frightened of putting their partner through it again.
Maybe you are taking it wrong because your still tiered etc.

Statistically speaking, more male ob/ gyns have wives who have c sections than who vb. There is a reason for this.

It was your birth, your body and your choice. He didn't 'let' you do anything.

I think it was just a throwaway comment. They wouldn't understand what we experience our bodies do growing the baby and preparing to deliver.
Be fair, I think most women who haven't gone through childbirth yet who were to watch a their partner/family member/friend going through labour and childbirth would say similar!

Statistically speaking, more male ob/ gyns have wives who have c sections than who vb. There is a reason for this.

I'd be curious on the statistics of what female ob/gyns do, also female midwives.

First of having done both I found the recovery and pain from a c section far far worse.

Secondly when deciding whether to have a VBAC it did not occur to me to get OH opinion on what he would do if it were him - it was my choice and my decision as to what to do

But your reaction I think shows that there are some issues in your relationship

Generally the male species is very weedy anyway... think back to when he has a cold, yeah. Maybe he was just trying to be funny and failed.

OP, I think you have read too much into this comment. I also think that sometimes when we do that it's because the relationship isn't going well in other ways. Your baby is 7m old now, which is a tricky time I think - still very intense, but you've lost the adrenaline rush which kept you going at the start. Can you arrange a babysitter and make time for a meal out with your DH for the two of you to have a nice relaxed evening?

YANBU
He has no idea how birthing a human feels, yes there's almost unbearable discomfort but we push the little humans out without it fucking up our lives/vaginas/minds forever.
His comment means nothing [other than he maybe hasn't thought about/talked about the actual reality of birthing. He has no clue, if you love him teach him, if he doesn't want to be taught he's a dick.

I think he is just acknowledging the pain you went through , and how brave you are.
I wouldn’t be angry with him at all.

My dp said the exact same thing, because he was pretty shook up at the pain I was in and he spent a fair bit of time at the business end looking at baby's head and I don't think he was quite prepared for how......large everything becomes. It was his way of saying "you're a warrior, I wouldn't go through that"

Then when he saw me go through a section he said the same thing

Yes YUABU. I had a section due to PE but was scheduled to have one at term as I didn’t want a VB. I went private too. People are allowed to have their own opinion, just because it’s not what you chose to do doesn’t make his thoughts wrongs

I'm confused as to why you're upset?

Your DH a fucking dumbass. But I think that's all there is to it. Just tell him to think before he speaks once in a while.

To add, my section was a breeze. Spinal for op, mobile epi for 5 days post op so pain free. Shopping in Bluewater 8 day post section, driving 22 day post section and out for dinner with H for our anniversary at 17 days post section. Wouldn’t contemplate a VB if I ever had another as my experience was amazing!!

Sorry drinking was 12 days post section

I would plan for a c section if I was pregnant to be honest. Too much of a wimp to go through a vaginal birth. It's no more risky to go for a c section now. Neither option is great though to be honest but if/when I have to choose I would choose c section.

I feel the same as him.
I wouldn’t suggest a C section to my wife because it’s her body and she’ll decide what’s best for her

As a pregnant female adult I’m sure she’s aware of the fact that C sections exist and the reason for her choosing not to have one isn’t down to the fact that a man hadn’t yet suggested one to her

I've had two sections and would have another. I've always said that if men were the ones who had babies, they'd all have sections.

" so he has some experience of what child birth entails. "

Not really!

Sounds like a typical comment along the lines of "if men gave birth there'd only be one".

He has no idea how birthing a human feels, yes there's almost unbearable discomfort but we push the little humans out without it fucking up our lives/vaginas/minds forever.
Well clearly it fucks up some women's lives/vaginas and minds. You do know women still die in childbirth right! Does sound like a lot of people think that men aren't even allowed to talk about childbirth.

I think you’re being a bit sensitive. I asked my husband the other day if he would ever want to swap if it was possible and he just looked at me like I was mad and said ‘no fucking way’. He hated seeing me in pain and hating trying to pretend to be cheerful and upbeat when he was scared for me at points.

He's never actually said that he's impressed or how well I did. He's never said anything about the birth other than what I said in my original post.
Yes, I think it is his way of saying that he couldn't do it and in a way a compliment, I just wish he'd said something more diplomatic. Maybe like.... you did an amazing job, there's no way I could go through that pain I think I'd have to opt for a section.
Just very undiplomatic I thought.

C sections and natural births all have an element of risk. I think a lot of people forget a c sec is major surgery and comes with it's own complications. You're probably feeling a little sensitive. He may have been acting very defensive that you pointed it out. Never a good combination!