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Original poster

For reporting cousin for prostituting herself. Has two kids...

150 replies

cousinconfusion · 10/08/2018 12:18

I'm in need of some advice about my distant cousin who is prostituting herself online with her two young children in the house.
I found some accounts belonging to her on twitter and Instagram that contained explicit photos and videos of her, (these accounts are public for everyone to see).
She posts private videos too on a website that you can subscribe to for £10 a month.
She is also inviting strangers over to have sex with, I can only assume this is happening in her house and not in a hotel.

My concern here is for the children and their welfare at home, I worry for her safety too, these men know her address and could become dangerous.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
SuzanneVaguer · 10/08/2018 14:08

If her partner has a full-time job, why is there no food for the children? Is he financially abusive?
Why haven't you reported the neglect concerns?
The sex work sounds like a recent development, surely care/feeding of the children is a more pressing matter?

chunkybutfunki · 10/08/2018 14:09

I would report it, you have mentioned them rummaging through the bins for breakfast. 100% report it, social services obviously need to look at more.

Brazenhussy0 · 10/08/2018 14:09

Given that you aren’t close to this cousin and haven’t spoken to her in years, it seems strange that you are so overinvested in this. Why weren’t you so concerned with the supposed bin raking incident?

All you have is some evidence of online webcamming and gossip from other family members. If you genuinely care about the welfare of your cousin and her children you would make contact with her and ask her directly if she is ok, and tell her what you have heard/seen.

But you don’t want to do that, do you? You want to go behind her back and potentially send a lot of trouble and embarrassment her way without knowing all the facts first.
You may want to examine why this is the road you want to go down. Because from the outside, it looks very much like you have a grudge against your cousin and are being vindictive.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/08/2018 14:11

RomanyRoots, I also knew someone like that, unfortunately her children did find out when they were in their teens, and suffered serious mental health problems as adults. It wasn't just about finding out what their mother did to support them ( not really necessary, they could have gone to state school etc) it was the lying & deceit that went with it. It was really hard for them to deal with and has drastically affected their lives and relationships as adults.

ClosdesMouches · 10/08/2018 14:13
Hmm
MakeLemonade · 10/08/2018 14:23

Other family members having not reported it already isn’t a reason to not report it. There may be lots of reasons why nobody else has - benefit of the doubt, being too close to the situation, think that someone else will do it or school will notice etc - or they may have already! There’s always reasons not to report and to ‘mind your own’ and I’m always surprised this attitude is so pervasive on MN.

As a PP pointed out, if there isn’t a problem, SS will realise quite quickly. They don’t have the resources to be working with people where there isn’t an obvious problem. Alternatively they might have concerns and be able to help and support the family, which is sounds like they could benefit from irrespective of where she’s seeing her clients.

cestlavielife · 10/08/2018 14:26

Of course he can leave her

He can take the dc if they are at risk

No one is "unable " to leave. He is choosing to stay and choosing to keep.the dc there.

You coud help.him give him and dc a place to stay for few days or give him advice lines to call.

Original poster
cousinconfusion · 10/08/2018 14:31

@cestlavielife
I find your view to be very ignorant.
He can't "just leave", as there are other complexities that are stopping him from leaving.
She has made numerous threats that have made it impossible for him to leave.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 10/08/2018 14:41

How do you know so much intricate and intimate details about your cousin's relationship?

ADastardlyThing · 10/08/2018 14:42

So could he not call ss himself? Or is he worried these other women he has on the go will be brought up?

What reasons has the family given for not reporting this yet? Are they worried it will look bad on them that they have known about this and done nothing?

Purplejay · 10/08/2018 14:46

What are the ‘complexities’? What are the ‘threats?’

People should not stay in a relationship because they are being threatened. You are only giving part of the story which makes it difficult for anyone to comment. Whatever the situation between him and her, why isn’t he feeding and protecting his kids? How old are the kids?

I can’t understand why you didn’t feel she should be reported when the children were not being fed but now she is camming (and that is all you really know she is doing) you want to report her. I am not saying you shouldn’t just why wait until now. Unless of course you have only just been told this by the family gossipers.

Original poster
cousinconfusion · 10/08/2018 14:53

@Purplejay
She's threatened to kill herself. I'm worried about being too detailed and personal on his thread as I don't want her to see it, I know the likelihood is small, but it still makes me nervous!
Her kids are 3 and 8.
He can't leave as he works full time and couldn't afford to have someone take care of the kids. None of my family members are able to take care of them either, we all work and would find managing childcare extremely difficult as they live over an hour away and he needs to stay living close to his work.

OP posts:
Original poster
cousinconfusion · 10/08/2018 14:54

@ADastardlyThing
He doesn't want for his kids to be taken from him, but he is unable to take care of them himself whilst working.

OP posts:
Moominfan · 10/08/2018 14:57

Why don't you get in touch with her? Sounds like she could do with some help

Iknowwhoyouare123 · 10/08/2018 14:57

Oh so she's threatening as well and he's scared of her? Anything else?

Emmageddon · 10/08/2018 14:57

He's as complicit in their endangerment and neglect as she is, by the sound of it.

ExFury · 10/08/2018 14:59

Sorry but there’s no way any man (or woman) would stay in that position of their children were being exposed to what you are saying, unless they were involved.

He could leave. He could send the children to a childminder and/or nursery like many do. And if worst came to the worst he could have packed in his job and lived on benefits while he found a more family friendly job. He could have done either of those things, even the most career driven person wouldn’t chose their job over their kids in a neglectful situation. he has chosen not to do so.

cestlavielife · 10/08/2018 15:03

He could take leave from work temporarily.
If she has very serious MH issues they can seek support.
Difficult to leave is NOT the same as "unable".
He can take leave pick up kids and go.
Then sort out the issues. Hard yes. But not impossible.

Many of us have taken the difficult step to leave an unwell parent while working full time (I did...) If the dc are in danger and she is unfit to care for them. then he could and should do.something even if it means taking leave from his job for few weeks.

If he is going to work and leaving her to care for them and she is unfit to do so then he is complicit in neglecting the dc.
So..."unable" would mean the only option is they go into care. I agree on face of it he may see it as impossible but he could find a way. He may feel trapped but he isn't. If she is making threats report them.

ADastardlyThing · 10/08/2018 15:04

So who's seen all these comings and goings, and the women he has on the go, if everyone's an hour away?

The ships sailed regarding not being too detailed btw, can't be many people who have sex videos on social media, live an hour away from all family (who still manage to know what's going on), have 2 kids who eat out of bins and a waste of space for a bloke who not only knows about her work but also shags about himself.

ADastardlyThing · 10/08/2018 15:06

Pound to a pinch of shit he's her pimp, in this 'situation'

PilarTernera · 10/08/2018 15:08

YANBU to give SS the information. Even if half of the stuff you have heard is true, it doesn't sound like a safe environment for the DC.

HoleyCoMoley · 10/08/2018 15:09

You came on here looking for advice on how to report this, it's simple , you just call the children's social services safeguarding team in the area where she lives and tell them that you've been told all this is going on and you are worried about her children. Then you let them investigate it. I don't understand how the family are just happy to spread gossip about this and not actually do anything to help her or her children.

DelphiniumBlue · 10/08/2018 15:12

This is appalling.
It could well be that this is a story that he's put about for his own benefit, and forcing her to undertake sex work.
If not, as I've said previously, he is complicit. All that nonsense about not being able to look after them while he works, we all have to deal with childcare problems, there are nurseries, childminders etc, and subsidised places. He can afford to take out women but not make sure his own children are fed and looked after?
And the rest of the family.....no-one is prepared to take the children?
You're sitting there there tutting over it but not taking any action to protect a 3 year old! Get a grip and do something.

Emmageddon · 10/08/2018 15:14

Are you sure you're not more involved with this situation than you're letting on? The way your defending your cousin's partner makes you sound like his OW.

WoodliceCollection · 10/08/2018 15:20

"but he is unable to take care of them himself whilst working."

WTF do you think full time working single female parents do? We get a fucking childminder/nursery, not just leave our kids with a hooker! Sounds like both parents are abusive and the children would be better off out of there asap.