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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids accidentally 'poisoned'...

129 replies

staceyflack · 10/08/2018 09:59

Aibu to be really concerned that ex's GF fed children raw elderberries in a smoothie. Her child was sick (as was she)... mine has had tummy ache for 2 days. It was a mistake of course... but still.

OP posts:
KirstyJC · 10/08/2018 10:01

I would imagine she won't do it again. I didn't realise raw elderberries weren't safe to eat actually - I used to eat them occasionally when I was a kid! Was she upset and apologetic? If so, and the kids are fine, I would accept the apology and move on.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 10/08/2018 10:03

I think it's one of those things that you're going to have to let go, as awful as it might seem.

Obviously she'll be mortified at it and her punishment is that she's been sick and had to clean up her own child's vomit. There's not a great deal you - or she - can do about it, though. I'm sure she'll never repeat her mistake.

chocolateaddicted · 10/08/2018 10:06

My step mother poisoned me on purpose and she was not at all sorry so if she's apologised then I'd say she was genuinely just making a mistake. Also if you were going to poison anyone you wouldn't include yourself in that!

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 10/08/2018 10:06

honestly I have fed my kids raw elderberries - had no idea that that wasn't OK.

She certainly wont do it again, and she must feel really bad.

Themerrygoroundoflife · 10/08/2018 10:07

I did this earlier this week. I had no idea. Thankfully mine had no symptoms.

I think it was an honest mistake

AjasLipstick · 10/08/2018 10:10

I'd assume she was bloody stupid!

Did she not even Google to check?? What a dimwit! I am afraid I'd have trouble trusting her.

FlibbertyGiblets · 10/08/2018 10:13

I found out the hard way that raw elderberries are toxic. Didn't know until then.

PinkHeart5914 · 10/08/2018 10:14

Sometimes people make mistakes becuase well they are human. It was a mistake, no huge damage was done a tummy ache will soon pass so honestly I’d just let it go.

I wouldn’t of known you couldn’t use them raw tbh

ladycarlotta · 10/08/2018 10:16

oh gosh, I used to scoff raw elderberries all the time as a kid. No idea there was a problem.

Since it was a mistake and she's clearly suffered for it, I agree that you should drop it.

Butteredparsn1ps · 10/08/2018 10:18

This is why I worry about the loss of knowledge being passed down the generations.

Not helpful to you OP, but I’m astonished that anyone would be dim enough to eat elderberries.

Don’t people teach their children from a young age not to eat elderberries and laburnum any more?

FlibbertyGiblets · 10/08/2018 10:20

Elderberries though; we make cordial from the flowers and take sambucol syrup through the winter. So in my eyes - safe. Obvs stupid.

Laburnum, yew, lupin etc, no way.

You do have a point about knowledge being lost!

Original poster
staceyflack · 10/08/2018 10:21

I'm confident it was an accident... but ex is minimising as ever. It's the cavalier attitude that bothers me most, tbh. He didnt even tell me - my 10 year old did. I have no idea what his GF thinks / feels about it. Or if either of them have apologized to the kids.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 10/08/2018 10:22

I had no idea that elderberries were poisonous. They certainly aren’t to me or members of my family. Is it an allergy thing?

eddiemairswife · 10/08/2018 10:23

I used to sample all sorts of things as a child.......acorns, conkers, various leaves. I knew not to eat deadly nightshade or laburnum thanks to Enid Blyton's nature books.

FlibbertyGiblets · 10/08/2018 10:24

Your ex is a twat. That is why he's your ex. Asshole.

Original poster
staceyflack · 10/08/2018 10:24

They are ok in small quantities.... but COOKED!

OP posts:
GothMummy · 10/08/2018 10:25

Oh my god. I am a country girl who makes jam etc, but I did not know this! I pick elderberries with the DCs to make elderberry jelly. I assume no one has tried eating them, but I am horrified that I did not know to tell them not to!

TheQueef · 10/08/2018 10:25

TiL is it the flowers that make the cordial then?

CaveyLass · 10/08/2018 10:25

Elderberries are fine if they’re well cooked.

I make elderberry cordial for the winter as well as it’s a powerful antiviral.

FlibbertyGiblets · 10/08/2018 10:26

Bert the seeds contain a cyanide type thing

Original poster
staceyflack · 10/08/2018 10:27

I'd say you've been lucky. It's well documented - look online. Raw is the problem.

OP posts:
Timeforabiscuit · 10/08/2018 10:27

I had no idea you couldnt eat them raw! Im not familiar with them so i wouldnt pluck them from a bush and eat, but if there was a bowl of them and a friend said they were elderberries id munch away (and be incredibly poorly!)

Thanks for raising and hope your kids are ok.

victoryvee · 10/08/2018 10:28

I didn't know this either. But when I googled it it says it may cause nausea when eaten raw, not that they're poisonous iyswim.
So prob just an honest mistake?

Saffy60 · 10/08/2018 10:28

I think they can produce nausea but you would probably have to eat quite a few. I don't think they are toxic, is that the American type?

Lessstressedhemum · 10/08/2018 10:30

Cooked elderberries are absolutely fine, so jam, jelly, syrup, cordial, even fruit crumbles are no problem. All parts of the plnt are toxic, otherwise, and never eat a leaf or twig.

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