AIBU to think camping is f*cking shit, it’s not cheap and it’s not fun

[Pumkinfailure]

I’m currently a week into a 3 week camping tour of Europe and I’m ready to jack it in. I surely can’t be the only one to find this whole malarkey fucking hideous. Sleeping on a sloping bed in a tent hotter than the devils furnace, kids screaming day and night, neighbours who hate our wellbehaved Placid lab and have instructed us to keep him near to us at all times, never feeling clean, marriage hanging by a thread, no personal space or time alone. Not even wine is helping. And 50 bloody euros a night for the privilege!!
Please tell me I’m not alone on my detest for this form of holiday and share your tips to help me survive the rest of the holiday!

Camping is only a holiday if your house is shitter than a tent

My cousin went wild camping, pitched at the top of a field. It rained so hard he woke up at the bottom of the field in the morning.

I managed one night in the hills above Málaga, burnt my thumb on the Zippo keeping it alight so I could try to negotiate the pitch black to the loo block. Never again. Didn’t help that me and my mate went with some seriously dodgy locals.

When we retire, we’re thinking of offering glamping. I’m worried about this talk of roll top baths and woodburners, do people seriously expect this?! I’m thinking gorgeous semi-permanent tent, beautiful king sized bed, proper furniture and a real loo in a brick building nearby.

I'm not too fond of tent camping. The weather here is too unpredictable to ever fully enjoy it. The last time I went camping in a tent I waited until I saw a good weather forecast before booking. I had a lovely time for the first day and a bit. Then it started raining. It rained and rained and a yellow rainfall warning was issued. I thought I was going to lose my mind trapped in this 9ftx9ft space (far less considering the slope and lack of head room). I lay on the bed reading from the kindle app on my phone while my 4 year old played with some cars. I had to leave him alone in the tent while I legged it to the kitchen to make soup and hot chocolate. Which were piping hot as I left the kitchen and barely lukewarm by the time I got them back to the tent. Later we had to get all our raingear (which thankfully lives in the boot of my car) on so we could go to the toilet before bed.

I looked up the nearest cinema and would have taken DS to a late evening cinema screening of a Marvel movie if I could have found one. I'd never normally risk him getting bored and disturbing others at that kind of movie but after 7 hours in the tent I just wanted to be some where warm and dry where I could stand my 5'1" self up without brushing the dampish ceiling. I barely slept all night as, though the tent never leaked, the walls did get very wet and the condensation between the mattress and sleeping bag was very bad. Thankfully DS slept all night so I mainly just lay there miserably, desperately hoping it wouldn't get worse.

I went home the next day and immediately started saving for a camper van. And now that I have one, camping is a whole other ball game. The last time we were away it absolutely lashed rain at night and DS and I watched the Incredibles on the couch while cooking/then eating a pasta bake. The toilet right there in the bathroom when needed. And that night in the very, very comfy bed, listening to the rain lash down was a pleasure knowing how warm and dry we were. We're off again tomorrow and I can't wait. We have all the pleasures of camping but none of the downsides. I can even poo in peace. Or at least as much peace as the mother of a small child ever has.

I got divorced shortly after a family camping holiday, when it pissed it down and the wild winds nearly blew the tent away. XH was such a miserable shit about it all, even though he was the camping enthusiast and I was trying to make the most of it and take the DCs to the pool to get out of the rain, while he wandered around moaning about not having wifi so he could check the weather (spoiler alert - look out the fucking window, it's raining!!)

Now I quite enjoy camping, just me and the DCs. If I try and go with my DP we invariably end up rowing too, so I prefer it just me and my DCs. Also I like to camp within half an hour of my house so I can come home for a shower and pick up anything I've forgotten!

I hate camping. I went inter railing with my (then) boyfriend in Italy. The white furry spiders that infested our damp clothes were a particular highlight. I drank copious amounts of Asti Spumati every night to numb myself from the horror. I also hate all the equipment you have to take, fuck that for a game of soldiers.

I love camping, but camping for three weeks would be hell.

I hate camping. Really hate it. Bloody DH loves it

Did it loads when the kids were small but I refuse to go now

I have a thing about other-people-wet-floors in the showers, for some unknown reason I can’t go for a shit so end up constipated every time and you end up taking half the contents of your house whether you’re going for 2 nights or 2 weeks.

The only thing that makes it bearable is drinking strong alcohol - then you end up traipsing to the bloody toilets in the middle of the night.

Last time we went we had a snorer next door - I was ready to kill him by night 3.

DH suggested going camping last weekend to a campsite down the road - er, not bloody likely. We have an actual house, with actual beds and our own toilets right here. Why the fuck would I want to cart half the contents of my house 2 miles down the road to sleep in a tent FFS?

No no no no no.

I really like the idea of camping, the freedom, fresh air, etc. But threads like this remind me of how much the reality sucks.

But threads like this remind me of how much the reality sucks.

But only if you stay on a campsite!

I think a large part of the appeal of camping/glamping is that you do it with other families with kids--the kids play with each other during the day, then you put them to bed at night and can hang out with other adults in the evening around the tents (unlike in hotels where one of you is stuck staying in the hotel room).

But yes, glamping all the way. Pricy though. But I'd rather do three nights glamping than three weeks (!) camping.

Tbh, depending on your child it really has wonderful benefits. My son is 5 and while he has friends at school, in clubs and is friends with the boys nextdoor. He doesn't have any of the freedom that kids enjoyed from his age onwards. Freedom that is an essential part of childhood development. And he won't have it for years. Except when we are camping.

We camp with friends we know from regular life or with a camping club, where we have developed friendships with the other members. Every weekend we arrive and haven't even parked before his friends are coming out to say hi. Then he hops out of the van and off they go together, either on foot or by bike. And they just play for hours on end all surrounded by a community of families that know each other and look out for each other. And at night we all get together to play games/dance and sing. I can see how my son flourishes in that environment. Camping gives him both the independence and community that so rarely exists for children anymore. It's like a Disneyfied version of a 1950s childhood but with an added sense of adventure thrown in as we're always in new settings. It's just a lovely, lovely way to live.

As for the constipation, Milk of Magnesia is your friend. A small cap of it at night and you'll go easily first thing in the morning and get on with your day. I resisted it for years and used to have rotten constipation on any kind of holiday (or even when I left the house too early in the morning). But after a horrible holiday of bloatedness and pain earlier this year, I took desperate measures a few months back and it works a charm. No worries about dependence either as it's a psychological constipation so once I've taken it for two nights I've broken that mental block and can poo as necessary for the rest of the trip.

My DH is and always has been desperate to take DD camping.
I am the worlds biggest spoilsport apparently as I absolutely and utterly refuse to leave my home for somewhere worse. So, no personal bathroom, no Yorkshireyummymummy.

I can’t quite get my head round whyanybody should want to leave their home for somewhere not as comfortable or well equipped.

It’s my idea of hell narrowly getting top place closely followed by all inclusive packages.

OP - use your data to find an airbnb. Even if it has to be your next birthday/Xmas gift. Shower and real bed. And never agree to campingagain. The best of British luck to you. And give your lovely lab a hug from me- how can people not love a lab??

It depends where you are camping! I used to hate it - now I love it but I choose a lovely, small site, which is clean. Google things like "best campsites ever". Used to hate it - now I love it.

I love camping, but we have decent kit including a chuffing carpet and electrical hookup! So my hair straighteners/ curling wands go too! I wouldn't go for 3 weeks though!
We did a tour of Europe, staying in a mixture of hotels/ tents (prebuilt ones) and mobile homes.
My favourite place was a fab safari tent with a huge comfy bed, opened tent in morning to Swiss Alps. It was perfect! Lovely peaceful place on side of a lake, glass of wine and a book!
But I know a tent of any description would be someone elses idea of hell.
And 50 euros a night is a total rip off!

Camping is only a holiday if your house is shitter than a tent

I only ever camp for one week.

I went camping in the Australian outback a few years ago. All night I could hear bugs outside scratching on the tent, I didn't sleep. I had a bit of a cry at 4am

My idea of a good camping trip is when my hotel room has a nice view of the woods! Op, you are very brave to have gone for 3weeks and I respect you for that.

@ProperLavs
My mum and I hate 4 children 5 and under this made me laugh! 3 or 5 children aged 5 and under ok? Seems very specific

I saw that typo but decided to leave it as maybe it wasn't a typo anyway

I used to love camping, until I went camping in Kerry. Twice. The first time the winds were so high that it broke our tent and we had to evacuate in the middle of the night in the lashing rain, trying to empty and take down the tent before the whole thing blew away. We foolishly bought a new tent and tried again. The campsite was stunning for the first day (Caherciveen if anyone is interested), and we had a great night in the camp kitchen with a load of musos playing trad. The next day we woke to torrential rain which did not stop. After a few nights of huddling in the wet tent trying to watch movies on the laptop we just said fuck it and went home. Haven't camped in a tent since. I don't mind a camper van though, and now I live in Oz I require at least a proper floor to avoid heat and spiders.

But three weeks in the heat sounds like utter hell on earth! Get thee to an Airbnb!

I cannot imagine enjoying camping past the age of 12. I need a comfy bed and a hot shower. Clothes hung up. A toilet connected to mains sewerage. Hot running water. Walls and doors. I would prefer not to regress to the Iron Age on holiday.
OP - book a hotel now, lady.

Agree with pp's. 3 weeks is too long. I even find 2 weeks all inclusive too long. 10 days is my preference.
Just did 2 weeks caravanning in comfy double bed with a wine fridge. Told Dh I'm not going for 2 weeks again.

Don't do 3 weeks.
Never do 3 weeks camping. Ever.

I feel for you, Comrade. But, and I mean it in the gentlest way, what did you think it would be like?
I, for one, have good imagination, and that's why I'd never go camping. No one has that much money to pay me do so.
Please survive.