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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or should hosts open booze / food that you bring to their house?

114 replies

vincettenoir · 08/08/2018 12:22

I have been burned a number of times when I have brought nice wine / champagne / after dinner mints that have been squirreled away for another occasion. I see these as an addition for the dinner but do some people see these offerings as a gift for the host?

How can I drop some hints that said wine / chocs are for sharing?

OP posts:
PatchworkGirl · 09/08/2018 22:28

It wouldn't occur to me to mind either way, neither would I think someone was 'rude' or crass for not knowing the 'rules' of etiquette (we can see how much they differ from group to group just on this thread). One of my pet hates is people who judge others for not magically knowing these unspoken rules.

PatchworkGirl · 09/08/2018 22:29

Or 'not magically knowing' Grin

Dietcoke1001 · 09/08/2018 23:14

Yab a bit unreasonable but imo only if the host isn't providing similar. E.g. if i invited friends for dinner and they brought nice chocolates and i wasnt providing chocolates id open them after dinner. With champagne / wine again id only open if i wasnt already supplying but there have been times ive genuinely forgotten to open and share someone's gift because ive been too caught up in hosting.

GlacierMints · 09/08/2018 23:24

How can I drop some hints that said wine / chocs are for sharing?
You don't.

Well not unless you're ok with coming across as crass and a bit rude.

100% what Worra said.

It's a gift and it's totally graceless to give a gift and demand it is opened and shared with you. It's very cringey.

So yes you are being totally unreasonable. It's a particularly egregious attitude towards wine because a good host will have matched the wine with the food.

DENMAN03 · 09/08/2018 23:25

If I'm hosting a dinner party then I will have chosen quality wine to go with it. I also know if my guests prefer Chardonnay or something else and will have catered for that. It's good manners to bring a gift (although I don't expect one) but rather strange to insist it is consumed that night. No one has ever left my house short changed in the food or drink department so they are not missing out.

PrimalLass · 10/08/2018 07:25

Chardonnay comes in many forms. Some I don't like. Some is delicious. Its taste can vary massively.

Thanks for the lesson. I do know that it varies, however, and still would never call any of it delicious. So maybe I would judge for being served Chardonnay 😂

None of my friends do 'dinner parties' like this any more, anyway. It's what we did when we were pre kids and thought we were grown up. Now it's more of a throw together. Maybe we'll get back to the formal type when it matters what wine you drink with something, but I do hope not.

bsbabas · 10/08/2018 08:14

If you want something to drink bring that but also a present for the host

middleagedalready · 12/08/2018 01:44

I would think anyone who asked me to open and share the gift they brought with them was a right CF, if I liked them I would raise my eyebrows but do it. If I wasn’t that keen I would practice my tinkly laugh, you are funny combo.

SilverySurfer · 12/08/2018 02:10

I agree with everyone who said that wine or whatever is given to the host is a gift, not something you expect to swill down your own gullet and it is definitely current, not 1950s etiquette.

Aridane · 12/08/2018 02:15

I usually just ask when host offers me a drink: “I’ll have a glass of that Chardonnay I brought along thanks.” Etc.

I’d also say: “right time to open those lovely chocolates then” at a suitable interlude during the proceedings.

Maybe everyone thinks I’m just a CF.grin

Yep

Katedotness1963 · 12/08/2018 04:58

I wouldn't expect my host to open anything that I brought as a gift. I usually buy something for them that may not always be something I like though. I thought if you're asked to bring something it's shared on the night, if it's a gift it's expected to be "squirreled away".

FASH84 · 12/08/2018 07:06

It depends on circumstances, if it's wine or chocolates etc they are for the host, so up to them if they open them. I was peeved when we went to a bring and share BBQ hosted by a former colleague and the host took our carefully chosen m and s selection of salmon, chicken and steaks etc (we bought plenty to be shared) put them in their fridge and served us Asda smart price burgers and sausages.

SteviaStephanie · 12/08/2018 07:18

Do you give your family presents at Christmas and then say, “right kids, time to open that selection box!”?

It’s s gift. A thank you for hosting. If you see it as being “burned”, that’s the issue. Maybe try taking flowers instead!

MissP103 · 12/08/2018 07:29

PuppyMonkey I think you are very rude if you behave that way. Clearly a lack of manners.

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