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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried have inadvertently become a CF?!

180 replies

LartenCrepsley · 08/08/2018 10:25

MN jury, am I a CF? All the recent CF threads have got me questioning this...
I teach at a small independent school. I’ve been there several years and, although it pays significantly less (£10k-ish) than teaching in a state school would, there are several perks to working there, the biggest being reduced prices for my two DC. I’m charged no tuition fees. I know I am very lucky in this respect.
It’s a private school so obviously uniform is a big thing. The uniform is very specific and the policy is strictly enforced (by me and my colleagues). The uniform is only available from one shop and it’s eye-wateringly expensive (one summer dress is £45! A blazer can cost up to £85.). However the uniform is very good quality and lasts well. We regularly get donations of pristine uniform pupils have out-grown. These donations are sold at school to boost our funds a bit. The used uniform sale brings in around £50 a year, so it’s not a huge amount. I have been helping myself to uniform to kit out both DC. I have not been donating any money in return. When the uniform is finished with, I will return it all to school.
AIBU? CF? Or is this ok?

OP posts:
Saffy60 · 08/08/2018 10:58

Did you take it?

Was there/Would there have been a price tag?

Did you pay/Offer to pay?

It doesn't matter what the item was or where it went after.

Simple questions, simple answers......

Original poster
LartenCrepsley · 08/08/2018 11:01

To address a few questions:
What does the school advertise happens to donations?
They don’t advertise it at all. It’s just a thing that has always happened.

Why do parents donate it?
Again, it’s just always happened. We use it to ensure everyone is wearing the correct uniform.

Are there other pupils on low incomes and non tuition paying?
No.

OP posts:
Sunnybeachbabe · 08/08/2018 11:01

£50 is a really low amount for the school to raise if the uniforms are so expensive new. I guess if you've checked with the head teacher and he/she is ok with it then that's fine. If you're helping yourself to something that would otherwise be sold, and not telling anybody then this is technically theft although not on a parr with robbing a bank Grin
I'd just make sure that it was all on the level and you were giving a donation each time, otherwise you could find yourself in hot water with the school.

Trinity66 · 08/08/2018 11:03

well other parents donated with the idea that it would be making some money for the school so it is a bit cheeky in the respect yeah

Original poster
LartenCrepsley · 08/08/2018 11:04

Did you take it?
Initially I was handed a pump bag full of uniform for my first DC (handed to me by the boss). Since then I’ve been helping myself as and when.

Was there/Would there have been a price tag?
No. The uniform sale is a very informal part of the summer fair. A sort of “have a route through and choose what you want and we’ll work out a price” set up.

Did you pay/Offer to pay?
I did offer to pay initially and was laughed at.

OP posts:
nononsene · 08/08/2018 11:05

With all the extra information you have given I think this is fine. However could you donate something even just £5 to cover yourself?

At my kids school they have a table with donated uniform at parent's night and other events. They ask for a donation, but it's absolutely fine for parents just to take and not donate if they are struggling.

FleeceDetective · 08/08/2018 11:05

Yep even after all your drip feeding, you are a cheeky fucker not to chuck a tenner in the pot for a while child's uniform.

Even us plebs who send our kids to comp have to pay that for uniform.

EmeraldVillage · 08/08/2018 11:06

Getting first dibs is a bit cheeky tbh. Many parents scrimp to sent kids to private school and would love to pick up uniform cheaply.

But as for just taking it without donating - This risks being an integrity issue for the sake of a small amount of money. So just donate £20 or whatever.

I assume the other kids who get to “borrow” are on bursaries or similar.

Original poster
LartenCrepsley · 08/08/2018 11:07

I really am sorry for the stupid drip feeding! I get annoyed by it on MN, so I did want to avoid it.
I don’t really know why I’m asking. I think all the recent CF threads have had me questioning!

OP posts:
nononsene · 08/08/2018 11:07

And as a parent any uniform I donate would be mainly to help out other parents struggling with uniform costs with any funds for the school as an added bonus.

Original poster
LartenCrepsley · 08/08/2018 11:07

There are no bursaries.

OP posts:
ShapelyBingoWing · 08/08/2018 11:10

Somebody's said something to you, haven't they OP?

I don't see why you'd present it as you have but then shove in a good few drip feeds to justify your behaviour otherwise.

StormTreader · 08/08/2018 11:10

Why not make a donation for it? There is presumably a middle ground between "literally paying nothing" and "paying the full £85 the blazer cost". A small donation of £5 or £10 per item would mean you didn't have to worry about it.

redfairy · 08/08/2018 11:11

If I was a parent donating uniform to the school in order to raise funds I would call a member of staff helping themselves to uniform without making a donation a thief not just a CF!

Daisymay2 · 08/08/2018 11:12

I used to help at the uniform sale at my boy's school. It raised a lot more than £50 per year. Basically some items were donated for school funds and some were sold on a 20% commission to the school, balance to the parent. Some of the staff did come round while we were setting up and so had first pick sometimes ( but then so did those who were helping out) but all paid for the items.
I think you should be making payment- but them so should the others who are being given uniform.
Actually as a helper I would have been furious if staff did not pay for second hand uniform especially with a 100% fee remission.

WizardOfToss · 08/08/2018 11:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShapelyBingoWing · 08/08/2018 11:14

I think the crux of it is OP that it doesn't sound like you're not donating because you're struggling. It seems that you're taking without donating because you've realised you can. There are a lot of people like that about but I think most people agree that taking donations for personal gain despite having the means to donate adequately is properly off.

Or are we going to get another drip feed about how you're all living on beans and reusing bath water because it's too expensive to heat two lots?

Hushnownobodycares · 08/08/2018 11:14

Being offered a bag full at the start and being laughed at when you offered to pay does not amount to carte blanche to help yourself as and when ad infinitum.

The consensus is you're a CF so can we assume you're now ready to dig deep and include the costs of what you've already pilfered borrowed?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/08/2018 11:15

You’re invited to have a route through? I hope you don’t teach English at this prestigious private school.

Loonoon · 08/08/2018 11:15

I think you are very privileged to get first dibs on the second hand uniform and should be making a donation in recognition of this. Even a nominal £10 a time is better than nothing.

FlotSHAMnJetson · 08/08/2018 11:17

Make a donation towards 'renting' it for a year.

Neverender · 08/08/2018 11:17

Maybe they're only making £50 because you're nicking all the good stuff?!

jay55 · 08/08/2018 11:18

So the first lot was given and now you’re swapping for a new size each year which doesn’t seem so bad.

Loopytiles · 08/08/2018 11:19

Even with the drip feed you’re a massive CF.

So second hand uniform is available, for free or miniscule sums, only once a year? Or do parents aware of the unwritten policy ask (who? An administrator? PTA?) for free uniform? Whilst others have to pay monopoly suppliers full whack.

Bad management by the school: would be far better to charge fair second hand prices and have several sales a year, with dates clear to current and incoming families.

Bet there are a fair few parents who are pissed off about paying £00s for uniform when others get it free.

TheDarkPassenger · 08/08/2018 11:22

Personally I would donate myself but there are plenty of times I’ve read on here about others being CFs and I think ‘I would have totally done that’

So I am actually, a CF