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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried have inadvertently become a CF?!

180 replies

LartenCrepsley · 08/08/2018 10:25

MN jury, am I a CF? All the recent CF threads have got me questioning this...
I teach at a small independent school. I’ve been there several years and, although it pays significantly less (£10k-ish) than teaching in a state school would, there are several perks to working there, the biggest being reduced prices for my two DC. I’m charged no tuition fees. I know I am very lucky in this respect.
It’s a private school so obviously uniform is a big thing. The uniform is very specific and the policy is strictly enforced (by me and my colleagues). The uniform is only available from one shop and it’s eye-wateringly expensive (one summer dress is £45! A blazer can cost up to £85.). However the uniform is very good quality and lasts well. We regularly get donations of pristine uniform pupils have out-grown. These donations are sold at school to boost our funds a bit. The used uniform sale brings in around £50 a year, so it’s not a huge amount. I have been helping myself to uniform to kit out both DC. I have not been donating any money in return. When the uniform is finished with, I will return it all to school.
AIBU? CF? Or is this ok?

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 08/08/2018 10:45

It is theft. The parent donating thinks that it us being sold for the benefit of the school now, not when your child is finished with it. You say that other members of staff know but do the parents donating.

counterpoint · 08/08/2018 10:45

Sorry, I know I said I was going to avoid drip feed, but here comes a big one....
The used uniform is often given at no charge to other parents, on the understanding that it’ll be given back when the children have finished with it.

Thanks for wasting our time, then.

wheezing · 08/08/2018 10:45

Seriously with all the extra info I really don’t see the issue.
If you were secretly taking the items it’d be theft.

WilyMinx · 08/08/2018 10:46

If the sale usually only rakes in £50 a year, then the donations aren't that much anyway. Just donate a fiver for each child.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 08/08/2018 10:46

Oh fuck off with your drip feed that changes everything. You are still not being given the uniform, you are assuming you can just take it. Difference.

LunaTrap · 08/08/2018 10:46

I don't understand why you don't just make a donation? You don't pay fees and even low income families in state schools have to pay for uniform, why should you be exempt from even paying a token amount? If I was a parent who had donated I'd be really pissed off that it was being swiped by a teacher instead of raising any funds.

CaseFace30 · 08/08/2018 10:47

For me, you're not paying tuition fees, so the least you could do is either pay a donation or just buy the uniform brand new from the shop. Whereas the other parents are paying tuition and then having to shell out for uniform and missing out on the reduced second hand clothes because you're taking them.

ChairoftheBored · 08/08/2018 10:48

I'd say not a CF, but a theif. I too work in an independent school. Our parents' association sells on old uniform and splits the income with the donating parent and the school.

You are using something donated by a parent (who could presumably sell it on if they chose). It was donated to aid the school via the donation received. Just donate. I don't get why you think you shouldn't?

WhatchaMaCalllit · 08/08/2018 10:48

Even with your drip feed - I still think you're in CF territory.

The school needs to either do away with the second hand uniform sale and have a permanent 'free for anyone' room where the articles of uniform are left for anyone to take, staff and non-staff alike. Or they need to run a proper second hand uniform sale where all articles are sold at a significant discount but everyone has to pay towards the uniform. No exceptions!

WizardOfToss · 08/08/2018 10:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

farangatang · 08/08/2018 10:50

Also a teacher in an independent school. I have always paid for uniform (hopefully second hand, but more often than not it's had to be new).

my kids and I already benefit from a fee reduction so it's stealing to just take uniform items that others have given to help school funds (that will be spent on your kids as well as the other students).

I had a colleague who was as cheeky as you and just took everything from lost property - as it was all going to be donated to orphanages or women's shelters, I thought that was even worse than stealing from the school second-hand uniform shop! Worse still, she was on the SMT so had the salary to afford to buy her kids uniform!

user1andonly · 08/08/2018 10:51

What are you hoping to gain from posting about this, OP?

The owner knows and doesn't care so you are not risking your job.

If you are worried you are doing something morally wrong, bung in a tenner once a year, boost the funds by 20% and feel warm and fuzzy about it.

Or just carry on as you are...

WhatchaMaCalllit · 08/08/2018 10:51

Oh and by the way, there is nothing inadvertent about what you're doing. It's quite blatant and brazen.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 08/08/2018 10:51

If the second hand uniform sales in total for the year are 50 quid, your school should be doing it's bit to encourage people to reduce, reuse, recycle.

I am assuming that there are no families who are struggling to pay for uniforms on the basis of low sales of secondhand uniforms. If there were, your first dibs would be unreasonable. Any scholarship / bursary students should have first dibs.

Of course you should be making a donation... you may be getting paid 10K less than you would in a state school but you get something in the region of 40K worth of fees which before tax would be significantly more so your salary elsewhere would have to be at least 60K more to have the same benefit to you.

But then, you live and work in a world that is only relevant to around 7% of the UK population so any answers you get will be affected by the fact that the average disposable income per household in the UK is significantly less that the cost of the fees your employer kindly waives as part of your employment contract.

CombineBananaFister · 08/08/2018 10:52

What does the school advertise happens to donations? Why do parents donate it?
Are there other pupils on low incomes and non tuition paying?
I don't think you can really class it as 'borrowing' tbh.
YABU - even if the school is happy with this, doesnt mean its not CFuckerey, it just means youre not going to get into trouble for it. I think I would make a donation of whatever they would have charged for it second hand as you're receiving it as a parent not asure a teacher. You're lucky enough to have two DC there and to get first dibs on uniform, I'd see that as the perksun.

bridgetreilly · 08/08/2018 10:53

The used uniform sale brings in around £50 a year, so it’s not a huge amount.

It would be quite a lot more if you paid for the used uniform you're taking.

HelpmeobiMN · 08/08/2018 10:53

This does seem a bit off - it’s taking money away from the school giving your kids a free education (albeit not much money). I’d give a donation next time instead of seeing it as a job perk.

AJPTaylor · 08/08/2018 10:53

I think its taking the piss really. No fees for your two is fair. Its costing you as a family 10k a year plus the pension you are losing by not being in the state scheme (which is lots but your choice). As a member of staff you should be whiter than white. You probably have the pick of uniform as it is. You should pay the reasonable cost of it. And you should be a role model.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 08/08/2018 10:54

Just give a donation, as others would be expected to. You are not just borrowing it, you are taking value from it, ie it goes back in the pile more worn than it went in. Also, if something happens to it to badly stain, or tear it, it can't go back in. Yes, you are a CF, and if I were a colleague, I would be judging you, even if it was silently.

TSSDNCOP · 08/08/2018 10:55

Yep. Extreme cheeky fuckery. Are you hiving off the good bits before anyone willing to pay gets a chance too?

Underparmummy · 08/08/2018 10:55

Denying other parents (paying full fees!!!!) the opportunity ti save some £'s and donate to school funds at same time?

CF!

ShapelyBingoWing · 08/08/2018 10:56

Nobody can seriously see it as a 'perk of the job' to take things that a parent has donated for a particular cause?

You're not really borrowing it OP. That implies it will be given back in the same condition with no items missing.

Imagine if charity shop workers did this as a perk of the job. Getting first dibs is fine but you should be donating like everyone else, regardless of whether the rest of the faculty haven't called you out on it.

PaulAnkaDog · 08/08/2018 10:56

I think that’s ridiculous. My child is starting private school, all fees paid, £200 worth of books and uniform almost £500 paid for as well. He has been warned by me to try and keep it as pristine as possible so it can all be donated when he is done with it as it seems the right thing to do. I could sell it on but it seems unbelievably cheeky. You’re literally describing theft.

Hushnownobodycares · 08/08/2018 10:57

If they're only getting £50 anyway they must be selling it for peanuts. Donate the going rate or stop blagging.

CombineBananaFister · 08/08/2018 10:58

Why do parents donate it then if it's given to anyone for free? To prevent landfill? To help those out on lower incomes? That's a nice idea if everyone has access to it