To have everything but still feel exhausted with life?

[Whysosad]

NC for this post.

I'm in my mid/late twenties and live in my own mortgaged house. I've got a very professional and decently paid job. I have no kids. Have a boyfriend of 6 months I'm mad about that is lovely and ticks all the boxes plus gives me butterflies. I have lots and lots of good friends. A great social active social life also. So why the fuck do i feel so fed up? Like i can't be arsed?

I've been blessed with such a good life I've built for myself but feel almost numb inside. I've been feeling like this well over a year now. Like whats the point? I've considered that maybe this is a reason why some people may have kids. Too feel a sense of purpose to it all?

I don't think I'm depressed but i may be. I can feel happy/excited temporarily whilst going for a day trip with my boyfriend or shopping and cocktails with the girls, but its only very temporary. I just don't see the point too it all? Even when things are going great you just know that something shit will be around the corner i suppose. What goes up must come down. So why even bother?

I'm forcing myself through the motions of eating healthy, running and forcing myself to go out and socialise even when id rather sit at home and stare at 4 walls.

I see everyone so excited about holidays/weekend etc. And i just feel numb. I had counselling last year and i may go back again after my upcoming trip. But there is actually nothing 'wrong' with my life. Work is great, boyfriend fab, friends great and lots to do coming up. So why am i so disinterested?

I do feel like if 'this is it' then shoot me now. Another 60 odd years of this just seems draining. Its so somewhat predictable. Get married, have kids, go on holidays, buy a bigger house, get promoted, go part time, maybe someone has an affair, maybe divorce, a bereavement will happen somewhere to someone, mid life crises perhaps, travel, illness, have a pet Etc. That pretty much rounds up life the average life. Full of these everyday ups and downs yet everyone feels their life is different and their pain unique.

Okay sorry im rambling. I don't mean this post in a spiteful or angry tone if it reads that way. More so in a 'why? Whats the point?' way.

So where do i go from here? I feel so lost.
Like a foreigner in the world.

I know advice will be along the lines of see a GP, join a new hobby, travel etc. Trust me i know all that. Id just like to hear someone who knows somewhat how i feel. Or any positive spins on what ive just said. I don't want to feel this way. I just feel so detached from life.

Any positive or negative stories are greatly appreciated. If you've read this far, then i thank you deeply. It feels a lot better to finally get this out. Xx

Some great food for thought here. I was exactly like you at exactly the same age OP.

I lived in a great city in sunny Australia, finances were good, office job, apartment was fab, lovely nice boyfriend, friends, cocktails, fancy restaurants, holidays blah blah blah it was all I ever wanted and yet I felt nothing, numb. It was an awful time and I look back on it with sadness that I was so unhappy yet didn't do anything about it for so long because, well, what can you do when you have "everything"?! I was possibly depressed (my family seemed to think so!) but in hindsight I realise, like mentioned above, that I simply wasn't living authentically. From then to now - five years later - I broke up with lovely boy, moved home, started a masters in a creative field I always wanted to get into but didn't have the guts, got a dog, met another man, fell pregnant very quickly, had two kids in quick succession, moved to the countryside and am now starting a business. It's been all rather impulsive but exciting!

I'm a creative impulsive, person at heart but I'd been attempting to live a logical, conventional life and it made me incredibly miserable. Perhaps you need to ensure you're living the type of life that you're really meant to be living and not the type that looks good on paper and ticks all the boxes? Good luck OP!

I remember my friend's boyfriend vehemently denied that she had depression because she was from a rich family, so couldn't possibly be depressed. She has struggled with depression her whole life.

Just because you have an otherwise perfect life doesn't mean you can't have depression.

If you can afford it, I'd look into private talk therapy, might need someone more experienced then your previous therapist. Medications might also be something to look into.

Oh and to those suggesting she just needs a holiday or to do volunteer work, you Can Not holiday or volunteer your way out of depression.

Jaimx I am glad that I did it, it gives me something to work towards I suppose. I plan to return every year and hopefully one day earn enough to stay there for a while and donate enough to make a difference.

It also led me to get involved with a couple of charities when I returned home, although they’re not as hands on obviously and the majority of my time is spent working. It’s still an addition that helps keep the focus of where I’d like to head.

Here watch this

It sounds like you have a spiritual need and getting to know God would really help you. It gives so many of us purpose in life and knowing you’re part of something “bigger” than yourself. Helping each other and in your community.

I used to feel like this. Then I had a kid. Which made me so busy I postponed that feeling for years. It's starting to come back again now as he's getting older.

I think your take on life is pretty sane. You're saying we're all on the same old ride whether we like it or not. The answer is to take joy in the ride itself because let's face it, for women in the modern western world, the ride isn't too bad. (I am in the middle of a Handmaid's Tale binge atm!)

babba hilarious video could not watch it all but if the first few minutes were what Muslims think of us they appear to have got there sources from some questionable newspapers

Actually quite offensive from the bit i watched

Totally feel the same and have done for years - don't think about having kids as a point, I did, now I just feel the same but with kids!!

Second many PPs re finding something to give you a sense of purpose, it is the only thing that helps me when it all gets too overwhelmingly pointless!

Good luck in finding your purpose

Thank you so much for your replies. I've read each and everyone at least 10 times over.

Interesting point on the 'living an inauthentic life'. Its something to consider.
I do think that i programmed myself from a young age to do things 'properly', that my life may not be truly authentic. My mother had done things the 'wrong way' around and i saw the consequences of that. Kids to different men before marriage, financial ruin, getting her degree whilst working shifts, living in a dirty overcrowded house due to lack of money and lack of time to clean. Her life hasn't been great, although i love her to pieces. I could see so clearly how all of that could could've been avoided by just holding off having kids until she had got her education and job, married, got a nice family home and then had kids. Even if she were to divorce later, the outcome would've been 10x better due to setting the foundations. I remember saying to myself time and time again 'that'll never be me'. So i kept to societies guidelines rightly or wrongly. I looked at my strengths and weaknesses. I love helping people and wanted a career that paid fairly well so i chose a a suited profession for that, that would be fail proof for employment. I made sure my contraception was always as secure as possible to have as little risk in unplanned pregnancy as possible.

Now i have the profession, stability and the freedom. However now reflecting, maybe this has hindered me in fulfilment. I wouldn't let myself take any risks as i just couldn't risk ending up like my mum and leading that life. I couldn't leave something as detrimental as my life to fate. Therefore any underlying passions were never fully explored as i was so focused on getting to this point. Now I'm at this point and think now what? My sense of purpose was to get me here. And now im here.

The rest of life now just seems somewhat predictable. Im going travelling next week but i take time out and go travelling most years. I'm not excited like i used to be. I feel like 'yeah its different countries but same old shit' in a way. My goodness that sounds awful written down!

I went for a 8 mile walk last night with a small group of friends. Felt a bit better. Woke up this morning and felt pretty much the same though.

One thing i do really enjoy doing is makeup. I love it. But i can never manage to wake up early enough to do it so save it for weekends! Thats still one thing that gives me joy on a Saturday and Sunday. Playing with new looks. I may try and force myself to wake up earlier to do it each day. As many posters have suggested its doing the little things of joy which makes a big difference.

To the posters speaking of religion. Your right. Religion does give a sense of purpose. I do believe in God but struggle with organised religion. My logical mind just wont let me devout my entire being to fundamentally flawed establishments. An example of this is someone i worked with who was in their 90s and was gay. He'd never had a partner or experienced love due to his religion not agreeing with it and him being devout. Only for that religious institute to now turn around and say it's fine to be gay now and you can even be married/blessed. He wasted his best years on a religion that swaps and changes the rules to keep up with the times. He sacrificed a huge part of his life for something that changed its mind. It happens across most mainstream religions and I'm not prepared to programme my mind and sacrifice/suffer to something not tangible. Although i do pray most days and have a relationship with God.
Also i don't mean that to offend anyones religion at all. I just can't get my head around some aspects and i won't devout to what i don't believe but i appreciate your suggestions. I will try to connect with God more on a more one to one level and maybe research spirituality on a more deeper and meaningful level.

Sorry for the rambling!! This thread is making me feel something though. A bit more optimistic that others have felt this way and gotten through it. I'm also considering all the suggestions made.

I felt (actually probably still do on and off) like this.

I think it's something to do with attachment to your primary career when you are young. If it wasn't quite right it can really cause that disconnect. My life has been all over the place (childhood rape, DV, serious illness, poverty, marriage, divorce, 3dcs, single parent alongside high level education, lots of experimentation with drugs in fields at festivals, many partners, lots of travelling, socialising, creating art etc) but I still had the numbness described. I traced it all back to my childhood. Hasn't really made much difference knowing 'why' though so learning to accept it and have 'this too shall pass' as my mantra!

• carer not career!

Thanks for the update op, you sound lovely. Keep talking to God, he always listens. Feel free to pm me for anything.

I'm glad you posted this because I feel the same a lot of the time except I don't have a boyfriend or huge group of friends.

I'm not on the pill either. I have thought maybe I could be depressed but I can still get up and go to work and chat and see my friends and no one would probably even guess which makes me feel like I'm not depressed?

I have also thought about packing it all in and travelling or moving to Australia!

I think the ‘attachment to primary carer’ comment is probably important. Perhaps investigate childhood with a counsellor.
I and DB travelled the world, looked down on peers who stayed in smallish Home town. Now with long hindsight, realise they’d had supportive families whereas alcoholic DF made our lives fraught and we had no option but to get away. And suspect many of the stayers probably had happier lives.

OP I don't think you are depressed, at least no more than everyone is. I think life at best is mostly boring, sometimes frustrating, with a few fun moments, which you say you have. There's no real meaning to life. To me, that's good though - it means there's no way anyone can fail, or miss the point - as there isn't one.

Embrace the boring and average times. Have an average day, then make something nice for dinner. Laugh at a silly meme. Relax in front of the TV. You can do that without thinking "this sucks, I should be doing something better/more meaningful".

And yes I agree that is part of why some people have dc. It takes away their feeling that they "should" be out there having some amazing life of travel/activism/whatever. As they now "can't" do these things, they feel no angst about not doing them.

If you have some beliefs but organised religion isn't for you, how about something more like spirituality? Other posters have already mentioned this. You could try reading about meditation / Buddhism / philosophy.

The search for a meaning to life has been troubling humans for thousands of years! You aren't alone in this

This is interesting, I've felt similar for a long time - flat, never excited/happy, just want to lie in bed really and can't be bothered to get up and do stuff. Having children didn't help really, just added anxiety to the mix! I do sometimes get a small buzz of excitement around Christmas and then remember I should probably get it more often! I think I wanted things for a long time that I got - a specific promotion to my ideal job, then buying my dream house and having a child (a curly haired, bright and beautiful daughter who is exactly the child I imagined) which should have given me a purpose but ended up being stressful processes that I had to get through and I didn't feel happy afterwards as I expected. To the outside I have everything I ever wanted so should be happy. I fill the void with buying stuff which is unhealthy. And drinking a bit more than is good for me - when I'm not pregnant! Often wondered if faith would give me a purpose actually, I was brought up catholic and really enjoyed the sense of community and being part of something bigger. But I can't rationally bring myself to believe in it which is a major sticking point. Often thought about just going to church once a week though for the experience! I don't know if there's an answer really, maybe it is mild depression as people have said.

Sometimes the 9-5 rat race is something that people get sucked into and spend their lives thinking there is nothing better or expecting that this is what life is all about then they start feeling there is more to life and turn to their partner who they find has been feeling the same.

I think these feelings people are the reason why couples pack up and move to France/Spain/Italy to grow grapes, olives, lemons etc

Sometimes they don't go that far but just change the direction of their lives.

@sagasleathertrousers

Does the trinity play a part in not fully submitting?
Islam is the only religion that also accepts Jesus apart from Christianity but believes him as a messenger of God, rather than God Himself, or the son or the holy spirit. He performed miracles by God's will and his birth was a miracle itself but easy for God to do, seeing as He created Adam.

Perhaps it may not be what you are looking for but if you want I'll send a closely accurate translation of the Qur'an to you via Amazon. Maybe you can see if it has any answers. Maybe, maybe not. Have a watch of the YouTube video I posted earlier in the thread too.