To have everything but still feel exhausted with life?

[Whysosad]

NC for this post.

I'm in my mid/late twenties and live in my own mortgaged house. I've got a very professional and decently paid job. I have no kids. Have a boyfriend of 6 months I'm mad about that is lovely and ticks all the boxes plus gives me butterflies. I have lots and lots of good friends. A great social active social life also. So why the fuck do i feel so fed up? Like i can't be arsed?

I've been blessed with such a good life I've built for myself but feel almost numb inside. I've been feeling like this well over a year now. Like whats the point? I've considered that maybe this is a reason why some people may have kids. Too feel a sense of purpose to it all?

I don't think I'm depressed but i may be. I can feel happy/excited temporarily whilst going for a day trip with my boyfriend or shopping and cocktails with the girls, but its only very temporary. I just don't see the point too it all? Even when things are going great you just know that something shit will be around the corner i suppose. What goes up must come down. So why even bother?

I'm forcing myself through the motions of eating healthy, running and forcing myself to go out and socialise even when id rather sit at home and stare at 4 walls.

I see everyone so excited about holidays/weekend etc. And i just feel numb. I had counselling last year and i may go back again after my upcoming trip. But there is actually nothing 'wrong' with my life. Work is great, boyfriend fab, friends great and lots to do coming up. So why am i so disinterested?

I do feel like if 'this is it' then shoot me now. Another 60 odd years of this just seems draining. Its so somewhat predictable. Get married, have kids, go on holidays, buy a bigger house, get promoted, go part time, maybe someone has an affair, maybe divorce, a bereavement will happen somewhere to someone, mid life crises perhaps, travel, illness, have a pet Etc. That pretty much rounds up life the average life. Full of these everyday ups and downs yet everyone feels their life is different and their pain unique.

Okay sorry im rambling. I don't mean this post in a spiteful or angry tone if it reads that way. More so in a 'why? Whats the point?' way.

So where do i go from here? I feel so lost.
Like a foreigner in the world.

I know advice will be along the lines of see a GP, join a new hobby, travel etc. Trust me i know all that. Id just like to hear someone who knows somewhat how i feel. Or any positive spins on what ive just said. I don't want to feel this way. I just feel so detached from life.

Any positive or negative stories are greatly appreciated. If you've read this far, then i thank you deeply. It feels a lot better to finally get this out. Xx

I felt like this in my 30s. On paper, I had it all but I just didn't really feel happy and couldn't put my finger on it.

DH came along and made life much better but it's only really in the last year or so that life has sorted itself out and much of that was coming out of a commercial environment and doing something far more altruistic on the work front.

I felt very similar to the way you describe in my mid/late 20's. Then the broodiness set in, and I had baby number one at age 31.

Looking back, I think my late 20's was when I realised that the average persons life is mostly pretty boring, with some fun bits/highlights here and there. If you're lucky, you get away with no truly shitty bits!

Since kids came along I've been swept along with the busyness of life. I'm mid-40s now, I'm happier, I dwell a bit less on those thoughts, but at the end of the day yeh I do think life's a bit of a hamster-on-a-wheel thing.

You're describing depression. I remember well that flat, nothingness I used to feel. Sometimes it was as though everything was somehow muffled - experiences, conversations, feelings, I didn't seem to have the energy to care about much.

Like you I didn't think I was depressed but the reality was I'd felt that way for so long it had become normal, I couldn't really remember feeling any differently! I was a bit surprised when the GP said depression because like many people, I assumed there had to be something specific to be depressed about. Funnily enough when I confided in friends that I'd been diagnosed with depression the response was "Well, yeah . We assumed you knew you were depressed".

See your GP Why. I was prescribed antidepressants and once those started to work (it can take time to establish the right dose) I was a new person and couldn't believe how flat everything had been before.

I've been where you are but in my mid-forties I've realised quite a few things. I've felt lost and like a foreigner though for a lot of my life so I do no exactly how you feel. I've also felt shit about myself for much of my life.

In the last few years, however, I've realised that life is not really about getting but much more about giving. Eg not expecting to receive happiness but to give happiness as much as possible.

We need to give to life / people without expecting anything in return.

When we are able to do this, we strangely find happiness as a kickback to ourselves. And we are finally able to feel good about ourselves and proud. That's my experience anyway.

SOryr for the typos - I'm knackered!!

It looks like there is one major ingredient that is missing in yourvlife. Purpose.

Until now you have been running after what you had been told is important. House, money, friends. But all of those are just that. Things that have been asked for to get but not something YOU wanted to do with your life.
To find one spark in your life, you need to have someth8ng that makes you want to getup in the morning. Something that will be some MEANING to your life and will have some sense, a purpose.

For some people, children are that purpose, at least until they leave home (and then maybe it is their dgc)
But it doesn’t have to be. It can be anything else but is often based on wanting to make A difference.

You’ll need to find out what is your path now (rather than the one your parents/culture has created for you until now).
I felt like this in my 20s too. Lost as to which direction I wanted to take.
And then later on in my late 40s.
It’s worth thinking about it and trying to feel what’s important for you, what are your values and what you would like to create. Not easy to find the right though.

Thank you so much for your reponses. Feel a lot better to just be able to be openly honest and heard with no reason to try and save face by playing it down.

• to those who say about 'giving back'. Funnily enough, my job is working frontline with the public with people in crises. Think nurse, doctor, social worker etc. I spend my days assisting those in need. I do love what i do and can help make radical changes for the better. I've done this since i qualified so for all my working life although i did work as a waitress through university in between placements.

I feel professionally fufilled but i guess not personally. I no longer have any desire for career progression even though rhe opportunities are there. Earning more money no longer interests me.

In a weird way i wish something dramatic would happen so i could feel something and have something to focus on. Okay i know that sounds so weird. But having no reason for this feeling in a way makes it almost worst? At least if i had a reason o could say 'its because of xyz and once its over i will feel good again'. But now i just feel like 'well this is just what life is so get over it and continue going through the motions till its over like everyone else'.

I'm not teary or emotional or anything.
I'm on a hormonal contraceptive but ive only been on this 6 months and felt like this a year so can't be that. Although i wish it was.

I think most posters have hit the nail on the head about purpose. I feel like that's what maybe my life could be lacking? I thought maybe getting a dog would give me purpose but realistically that wouldn't be fair on the poor dog as im out the house most hours for 6 days of the week. Then i think maybe eventually when children come along, i will feel a strong sense of purpose (if im ever blessed to have marriage and children). But the flip side of that is that your just having babies just to 'fill a void', rather than for the actual babies themselves which is an interesting realisation in itself.

Thank you for the people responding, i am reading everyone over and over and its helping, even just knowing others can relate.

Btw I agree it’s worth checking about depression BUT i also do think that sometimes it’s more an existential issue rather than clinical depression. And the best way to solve that is by inding your own way rather than by taking pills.

You need to have a word with your GP AND have a think about what you want to do with your life.

Get your thyroid levels checked, having an underactive thyroid can feel a little like that in the early stages (before the exhaustion sets in).

Do you have a faith?

My faith is what I live for. I am counselled by it and it is the reason why I am here.

Do you have a faith?

My faith is what I live for. I am counselled by it and it is the reason why I am here.

If you are in one those caring profession, could you also be burnt out from having given so much away to support people that there is nothing left for you??

A good start wouod be do something you enjoy, something that nourishes you everyday. A little bit but regularly. Like pottering in the garden, listening to music, colouring, cooking whatever.
And then doing something new as often as you can. Going out of your comfort zone that will allow bith to start ‘feeling something’ and will give you the opportunity to discover new interests maybe. In effect not staying ‘stagnant’ doing the same things day in and day out but learning, changing, growing, doing so that next month will not look quite the same as last month iyswim.

Sounds to me like you lack a sense of real life purpose. Doing something that really helps other people is hugely rewarding. It might not necessarily need to be volunteering. What about being a mentor of some kind to younger people in your business? What about identifying and offering to lead a new project that could really help the business? Have you tried ever being creative ......painting or something like that? I am actually never happy unless I have a project on the go....it has produced a few things in my life that I stand back and and am truly proud of. Try and harness your abilities and find a focus.

I second chikitiki in looking into finding a faith.

I think you can work hard at giving to people but sometimes it's about shifting your perspective to serving mankind and making others happy. This and finding a faith have changed my life around.

I recognise the feeling flat. Like there is no fire in your belly/ no passion.
I would go and have a chat with your GP, just to rule out/in depression. I would also start looking down a spiritual path. Your soul is what needs nourishing. Maybe God is calling out to you?

I know exactly how you feel. That dark fog in your head. Never content. Looking at others and feeling jealous they had cracked it. I tried to sort it by being ultra busy. Had counseling, antidepressants which made me suicidal. That didn’t work. What did help was living in the moment. I used to think of what I needed to do next or in the future and not enjoying what I was doing now. Get well soon.

I have found that I do better if I have a thing to struggle against. I don't really like things being off-balance and I put a lot of effort into bringing a see-saw life back into a regular pattern. But, once my life is regular and organised, I start to get a bit drifty and dissatisfied.

When I was younger I changed jobs, changed countries, moved house etc. Later on we adopted and one of our DC needs a lot of input so my life is constantly dealing with the most recent issue and trying to anticipate and head off the next issue.

It's hard to deliberately disrupt your own life when it's in a good place, but I have to admit that being out of my comfort zone sometimes does me good.

I agree with @HermioneGoesBackHome that it’s an existential issue

@Whysosad I think I can relate to what you are saying... I feel extremely similar feelings to what you describe... I’m at the point where I don’t want to even watch a film because it’s a waste of time and pointless... unless it’s a biography... in fact I haven’t watched tv for well over a year now I just don’t see the point... do you relate to that at all?

You don’t sound depressed, maybe there’s more for you out there, have you got any ambitions or goals for your future? I have so many goals that I put off for years and at the beginning of 2018 I decided to stop with all the boring pointless crap and go for my goals and that has sparked my passion for life again. For me I decided that this year I’m going to write that book I always said I would do and never did (for over 15 years) and start my own website which I’ve done successfully and it’s given me a new a lease of life and excitement.

I’m sorry I don’t know if that’s very helpful x

I'd second the burnout from your job.
I'd suggest some type of therapy to explore a different more fulfilling path for yourself.

Bless you, you do sound as though you are depressed. You don't need a reason for depression, it's just how you are.

It will pass, just take it easy for the time being.

Do you feel challenged in any way? You have achieved so much already, Uni, demanding job, mortgage, home, friendships, mortgage, boyfriend and you’re only late 20’s. Perhaps for the past decade you have always had an aim or been working towards it and now it’s all in place you look around and think what next and feel unfulfilled.

You may also be worn out emotionally, I work in a demanding role working with families who are often in crisis. Every day I am working to resolve problems and although I’m well capable and make a difference it can be more emotionally draining than I sometimes realise.

Also boredom can set in. I have had to move to new projects over the years to stop myself becoming bored at work and bring new challenges, often the same job just a new environment. In my personal life I’ve needed to find new interests to keep me stimulated.

Don’t dismiss depression but don’t rule out boredom or the lack of new goals or challenges. You know the feeling of anti climax after a big event, could this be a similar feeling after your achievements?

I understand where you are coming from- I often get that feeling - sometimes I'll actually take a course of st johnswort and do a wee phone detox - turn it off after work once I've spoke with my mum I feel like this time alone gets me used to it and I think a bit more chilled - if that even makes sense?? Funnily I'm an AHP too...I love my job but it can be mundane with paperwork (not the patients) I did rotate to a different area a few years ago and the change was great new love for the job and new skills to bring back - I'm due to do the same again soon can't wait for the opportunity! Could you ask for something similar? Or different responsibilities?

Hope things work out for you

I don’t think you sound depressed. I think you sound drained of all mental energy. Maybe your job has slowly worn you down and burnt you out? Maybe you need a sabbatical to travel and relax, find yourself again?

I'd second the burnout from your job.

Come on, at mid 20's early 30's burnout is a little snowflakey

Globalised economy, pro EU, house prices are a future investment pot means that you show the mental gymnastics involved with regards to anti brexit, more money for the nhs, increased tax credits etc etc;