To have everything but still feel exhausted with life?

[Whysosad]

NC for this post.

I'm in my mid/late twenties and live in my own mortgaged house. I've got a very professional and decently paid job. I have no kids. Have a boyfriend of 6 months I'm mad about that is lovely and ticks all the boxes plus gives me butterflies. I have lots and lots of good friends. A great social active social life also. So why the fuck do i feel so fed up? Like i can't be arsed?

I've been blessed with such a good life I've built for myself but feel almost numb inside. I've been feeling like this well over a year now. Like whats the point? I've considered that maybe this is a reason why some people may have kids. Too feel a sense of purpose to it all?

I don't think I'm depressed but i may be. I can feel happy/excited temporarily whilst going for a day trip with my boyfriend or shopping and cocktails with the girls, but its only very temporary. I just don't see the point too it all? Even when things are going great you just know that something shit will be around the corner i suppose. What goes up must come down. So why even bother?

I'm forcing myself through the motions of eating healthy, running and forcing myself to go out and socialise even when id rather sit at home and stare at 4 walls.

I see everyone so excited about holidays/weekend etc. And i just feel numb. I had counselling last year and i may go back again after my upcoming trip. But there is actually nothing 'wrong' with my life. Work is great, boyfriend fab, friends great and lots to do coming up. So why am i so disinterested?

I do feel like if 'this is it' then shoot me now. Another 60 odd years of this just seems draining. Its so somewhat predictable. Get married, have kids, go on holidays, buy a bigger house, get promoted, go part time, maybe someone has an affair, maybe divorce, a bereavement will happen somewhere to someone, mid life crises perhaps, travel, illness, have a pet Etc. That pretty much rounds up life the average life. Full of these everyday ups and downs yet everyone feels their life is different and their pain unique.

Okay sorry im rambling. I don't mean this post in a spiteful or angry tone if it reads that way. More so in a 'why? Whats the point?' way.

So where do i go from here? I feel so lost.
Like a foreigner in the world.

I know advice will be along the lines of see a GP, join a new hobby, travel etc. Trust me i know all that. Id just like to hear someone who knows somewhat how i feel. Or any positive spins on what ive just said. I don't want to feel this way. I just feel so detached from life.

Any positive or negative stories are greatly appreciated. If you've read this far, then i thank you deeply. It feels a lot better to finally get this out. Xx

I hope you find a path to happiness OP, and I don't mean that to sound all hippy or anything. We sometimes have to struggle to find meaning.

I am older than all you lot. Was in a great job that paid extremely well, took an early retirement package after a 18 months thinking about it. And I've been so flat ever since! But the decision was the right one for me, I planned for it.

No debts, no mortgage, plenty of loot in the bank, a great partner and life on paper looks perfect. But I just cannot find peace in my head.

This led to crippling anxiety and although I had psychotherapy it didn't work for me sadly. Maybe I put up too many barriers or something. Anyway, despite the "paper" picture looking great, there have been major traumas in my life, nothing personal like abuse, but losing people I so loved at a very young age and other stuff. I probably didn't realise it at the time, but it's coming back to bite me now!

But I will carry on and am going to walk the Camino de Santiago next Spring. 1000 km across Spain with just a pack on my back. Alone. Hopefully it will help, and at the very least I will meet others and enjoy the Spanish Rioja!

I wish all of you well in your various journeys. It can be very tough for sure, primarily because no one understands why this is happening, least of all ourselves!

The outer world is not satisfying you. All your wants have been satisfied. So go within to find yourself. Have a look at spiritualism, Zen, Buddhism, Taoism. Meditation practices.

Don't just reach for AD's. GP's given them out like candy nowadays and it's a long road back from them.

If the voice in your head says I can't be arsed. Ignore it. Go and do some research into the above. A journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step.

In addition to Noego’s recommendation to explore spiritualism/meditation, I suggest that you read books where the writer/protagonist shares your viewpoint.

The following are examples of some texts that have helped me feel less ‘alone’ in my feelings: Waiting for Godot, Less than Zero (or anything by Ellis), The Stranger , and the general genres of ‘blank fiction’ and ‘fin de siecle’.

I’m the same as you in that I have a good job and salary (enough to live in what some would consider a luxurious lifestyle), great relationship with husband and family, look after myself by eating very well and exercising - yet I feel unfulfilled! I also don’t have children, but don’t feel that’s the right way to plug the hole.

You’re not alone in feeling this way - I’ll be lurking to see the advice from other posters.

It sounds like depression to me so I guess try again to tackle that - gp, counseling, exercise (I know you said you're doing some).

I had a bit of a blip late 20s with serious anxiety. A mindfulness course really helped.

See your GP to exclude depression, hypothyroidism etc. But if that’s all ok, you may simply be suffering the pointlessness of a life without faith.
It’s quite tough for atheists - they think their lives don’t matter, that it makes no difference whether they’re here or not, and then they die and it’s all over, with no reason for them ever having lived. Who wouldn’t feel existential misery, given that set of beliefs?
Why not try attending your local church? See what life is like when you know you are loved by God, despite all your faults, who has a purpose for you. When you become part of a faith community that volunteers and helps with all sorts of local problems, that supports each other, that fund raises for good causes.
When you have the reassurance that death is not “game over”, that Jesus has promised a place for you with Him in heaven.
It really is life changing, OP. I’m a retired doctor, and became a Christian in my 30’s after being a rabid and cynical atheist all my life previously. Now even on the dullest of days, I know there is purpose to life, and a power of love running the Universe!

It sounds as though you don't have a sense of purpose. You need to find out what it is that you're really here for.

Have you explored your creativity? Have you ever done any painting/writing/photography/whatever? Maybe you're creative and you just haven't realised it yet. Or perhaps you're insufficiently challenged, intellectually? Life can feel incredibly boring if an able brain simply doesn't have anything difficult enough to do.

The book "Finding Flow" by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi may help you.

I hope you find the answer. Good luck.

See your GP. You need someone to help you through this. x

No one here is qualified to diagnose.

Are you an adrenaline junkie OP? I was reflecting on my earlier reply to you & realised apart from purpose and community my severely disabled son gives me constant adrenaline because he has incredibly high needs. When I have time off from that I find it very difficult & feel very restless.

I used to be a bit of an adrenaline junkie (still am really). I like doing adventurous stuff.

If you work frontline (I am starting to as well - love it) - maybe you need a way to bring some structured danger into your life? Horse riding? Climbing? Canoeing? Surfing? Train to be a mountain leader? These are the sorts of things that work for me - may not be your cup of tea. Travel or something maybe?

I have felt similar in the past except I have children. l also had a lot of guilt & shame about why I felt like that as I know I’m fortunate. For me it wasn’t a question of wanting more materially, it was a lack of fulfilment. I went back to work which has given me a focus & structure & I try & fit in yoga/mindfulness when possible.

Oh & I try to give myself little projects, in the last few years I learnt to drive, did a sewing & photography course. I’m planning to learn another language next.

I agree with the PPs about existentialism. You could try reading about it and see if that helps. It involves finding meaning in your life, which could be faith or it could be a purpose. Good luck OP

No one here is qualified to diagnose. hmm

No one here is trying to. We're just having thoughts and suggesting things to think about.

OP what you are describing is how I feel and have always felt. I do have depression, and medication has helped in the past, but I came off it as I didn’t want to be medicated for my entire life.

It is impossible to unsee the pointlessness of everything once you’ve seen it. I think to NOT be depressed you have to engage in some serious self-deception and denial.

Returning to university part-time helped somewhat. I have pets, and that helps slightly.

If you find a silver bullet, let me know.

I would gently add that you shouldn't feel pressured by the religious folk to think that is what is missing - if you are someone without faith, that is.

Plenty of atheists live rich and purposeful lives and feel intense joy in the incredible universe, without faith. I disagree it's tougher for atheists - there are plenty of ways to feel abiding love and connection without that particular religious narrative.

Well done for identifying that you are not happy. Medical and therapy help could be a good start. You don't need a "reason" to get therapy, and definitely check out thyroid etc.
good luckxx

I'm not a religious person at all but I think faith has a critical stabilising role in society. I'm impressed by the number of posters for whom faith has lent them some life purpose. Also family is important OP. Are you able to spend time and visit any family or even trusted friends who you can talk to?

Having pets definitely lends happiness and fulfilment to my life. I know with jobs etc dogs are hard, but last year we adopted a stray cat. We love him and his silly ways....wouldn't be without him now. Animals are stabilisers too...,amidst life's ups and downs they just want a plate of food and a tickle behind the ears each day! Simples! 😁

Could you enjoy the countryside? This sounds silly but if you are surrounded by people striving for and getting things they desire it can feel tedious. But if you walked in the countryside with no one around only beautiful scenery, trees, rivers, birds, butterflies you see a totally different world, one that was here long before you and one which will be, in some form, there long after you and all the celebs, movies etc are long long gone. Oh, and don't wear earphones. Just walk and enjoy. I find it restorative and balances life.

I'ma go agaonst the grain here and say it might not be purpose you're lacking but a feeling of authenticity. I remember in my late 20s being with a very nice, tick box kinda guy, set up for the life escalator of own home, kids, job, drinks-dinner-wedding circuit social life etc. I felt utterly empty. For me, I needed to live much less materialistically, much more slowly and have an intellectual life. It didn't work to try and be grateful for things I didn't much care about - it worked to listen to what really made me content then do that. That's not to poo-poo the lifestyle I had - it just wasn't right for me.

I split with the tick box dude, upped sticks to the other side of the world, learnt new languages and got back into academia. I earn shit all, live a very nomadic life and have a child with an awesome, slowlife guy who I share the most important of my values with. He married someone much more 'fun' than me and owns a 4 bed detatched in Surrey. We are both happy and still have a lot of time for each other, respect each others' choices and are happy the other is fulfilled.

Sit and listen to what you really want - you're not a weirdo for not liking what you have, there are no 'shoulds' here. You get one shot at contentment and fulfillment in life - take it unashamedly.

My bros wife is like this..has everything appreciates nothing.
2 things..learn to be grateful for the lovely life you have.
Next I see my Bros wife constantly trying to conform to social norms.
Has to go out every weekend with a new outfit every time mass on Sunday doing everything in the correct ‘order’ of life. Gets very vicious when someone does something that isn’t done in the traditional way like having a baby before marriage etc.
You know what? She’s exhausted trying to conform. It’s making her miserable. You do realize if your happier staying at home with Netflix or looking at the walls you can do those things. Why are you always running around ask yourself those questions. It’s obviously not making you happy. I’m the happiest iv even been due to literally doing me and if I don’t want to go somewhere or do something I won’t. Simple as.
Why make yourself miserable take a step back and realize what things ( which are usually the simple things ) actually do make you happy.

Be glad you have choices. Don't make any big decisions until you are in a better place. Kids marriage will not solve your issues and you may come to regret your decisions. Agree you need to find value in something that is not just about you. Go and volunteer in your community, really see how other people live and do something useful for someone else without expecting anything in return. Depression is awful. I have It, but also in the hamster wheel of parenting, needing to work, feed my family etc. I don't have the freedom of time anymore. It's a luxury to be in your position but one you won't realise until it's too late. Be grateful for everyday and write a list of the blessings you have down to the fact you can walk. Use this as a wake up call to lead a more fulfilling existence. Your body is trying to tell you something.

Perhaps you need to do something creative?

This may sound flippant op but is not meant to- look into mindfulness.

I listen on YouTube, it has made me think about so much. What I want out of life etc.

If nothing else it will make you feel calmer and more rational but will hopefully give you some answers to why you're feeling like this.

It's ok not to feel on top of the world just because your life looks good "on paper"

I'm 40 now and have had times like this.
Conversely, if feeling low or depressed then often it's assumed there is a reason.
Sometimes there isn't one.

Please see your doctor though, they may run some hormone tests.

Well done for acknowledging the issue though, it's always good to talk

Agree with shoes and pie as well. I constantly try & learn new things - often formally but a bit chaotically. I would be less chaotic if I didn’t have children. Now they are teens I am in a position to pull all the strands together.

It is impossible to unsee the pointlessness of everything once you’ve seen it. I think to NOT be depressed you have to engage in some serious self-deception and denial

I don’t really agree with this. I’ve never been depressed but recognise the pointlessness of things you describe. I would just say you’re not materialistic and will find contentment, purpose & yep authenticity in something else (or a mixture of something else’s).

Going to read the replies later, as I totally get this, OP.

I am much older than you, also in a front line caring type profession, and have an, on paper, bloody good life. I have long periods of feeling exactly like this.

I do sport, have children, great friends, great career, give lots back (currently volunteering in four different roles). Nothing seems to shake this feeling.