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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not invite children to wedding?

104 replies

springmachine · 07/08/2018 17:51

Recently sent out wedding invites.
We are limited on numbers so have invited children of immediate family only.

There is a large number of children not invited and to invite them would have meant finding 20 additional spaces.

People are already contacting us asking if they can bring children.

I'm starting to worry if we are being unreasonable just inviting immediate families children only (we are making exceptions for children under 1)

OP posts:
ReservoirDogs · 07/08/2018 18:18

Stick to your guns but be aware some people won't like it or won't come because of childcare issues.

But do have the wedding you want.

whattimeislove · 07/08/2018 18:21

I think you need to make it clear if it's no children/family children etc on the invitation.

We were invited to a family wedding (very small family) and did contact the b&g to check as the children weren't named on the invitation (& tbh as it's a small family we had anticipated that they would be). We were told that they weren't, which is fine, but I wish they'd made it clear because it was a bit awkward to ask.

LoveInTokyo · 07/08/2018 18:24

It's fine. Stick to your guns because if you make an exception for some people you will either have to invite all the children or you'll piss off other parents who have shelled out for childcare.

Original poster
springmachine · 07/08/2018 18:25

People are even offering to pay for their child's meal.
It's not the cost it's the limit on numbers though.

Id have to knock important people off the list to be able to invite them.

If we'd found a larger venue we had liked it might not have been a problem but that's how it is.

OP posts:
Cherubfish · 07/08/2018 18:31

Don't say yes to anyone offering to pay for their child's meal! I would be really annoyed if I organised childcare (likely to cost a lot more than the meal unless you have family who will do it for free) and then got there to find out some people had done that. If you say yes to a CF asking to pay for their child's meal you have to offer that option to everyone. Just explain that it's about numbers, not cost. Keep saying "I'm really sorry but there is a strict numbers limit at the venue and we haven't got space for anyone else".

LoveInTokyo · 07/08/2018 18:31

OP, none of this is your problem. If they want to come to your wedding they will get a babysitter. If they don't, you can save yourself some cash or invite more friends in their place.

SweetheartNeckline · 07/08/2018 18:35

@whattimeislove I think only people named on the invitation are included eg Jim, Leah and boys, Jim, Leah, Jack & Tom, Mr & Mrs Smith and family or The Smith Family.

Just Mr & Mrs Smith or Jim and Leah = no kids.

camelfinger · 07/08/2018 18:35

I think it’s fair enough. I have been a cheeky fucker in the past when I’ve asked to bring my son who was 1 (I was still bfing). (I see you’ve said under 1s can come).
People might be deciding to ask because they’ve either got to be cheeky to the bride and groom or to the grandparents by expecting them to provide childcare for a weekend.
If the wedding is quite early in the day so guests have to get a hotel and childcare for two days then they’d probably not be able to come.
I definitely prefer childfree weddings but long term childcare is problematic. I’m wondering whether it would be worth being clear on the on the save the dates, so guests have time to plan and don’t get excited about the wedding if they ultimately can’t come.

chill2003 · 07/08/2018 18:35

I think some people are asking so they know how to make plans ie if kids aren't invited they've got time to make arrangements. We asked a friend if ours were allowed for this reason. We're not bothered either way but it just helps is plan long in advance

Echobelly · 07/08/2018 18:36

No, that's a lot of kids. I totally understand doing it on grounds of space/cost/atmosphere when kids add on a lot of numbers. When we got married not many of our friends/family had young kids, so it only meant about 6 or 7 extra spaces in wedding with nearly 200 invitees - 3 years later might have been another matter!

I'd be a bit snitty about people not inviting a small number of kids because they can't stand there being any 'noise' at their 'perfect' day, but I suppose they're still in their rights to do that at the end of the day.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/08/2018 18:38

They’re being rude to ask. You’ve been perfectly clear, just say.

“We’re not having children other than immediate family and under ones. We’d love to see you there but understand if you’re not able to make it”.

BackforGood · 07/08/2018 18:39

Of course YANBU.
You have, it seems invited some incredibly rude people though. I can't believe there are so many rude and entitled people out there that they just invite their dc to something they aren't invited to Hmm

DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/08/2018 18:40

We did exactly thus OP for the same reason - it would have added 34 extra people! A couple of people grumbled but once we explained were understanding and still came.

TBH I only went to one wedding as a child which was my sister's and I was a bridesmaid.

FromNowOn · 07/08/2018 18:40

People are saying they will pay for their child’s meal? What CFs!! I hope you’re sticking to your guns.

We had a child free wedding apart from one newborn (who was so quiet!) because I wanted my friends to be able to come. Everyone else managed to sort childcare.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/08/2018 18:41

With stuff like this it's best to say no and not give a reason. If you give a reason people will just argue.

ForalltheSaints · 07/08/2018 18:41

Not unreasonable, understandable if some people decline.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 07/08/2018 18:41
  • this not thus (eyeroll)
MadMags · 07/08/2018 18:43

What are you saying back to people?

whattimeislove · 07/08/2018 18:44

@SweetheartNeckline - yes I would usually have just gone with that, it was just because we're such a small family and that other kids were going, we felt we should double check.

FromNowOn · 07/08/2018 18:44

Just tell people there is a number limit on the venue and you cannot add children on at the cost of uninviting friends and family.

Dovesfly · 07/08/2018 18:44

You are not unreasonable. It is your wedding and your choice.

My wedding was children of close family or very close friends that came to the day only. No additional children for the evening.

RedStef1983 · 07/08/2018 19:01

Not unreasonable at all. I got married last year and we clearly stated on all invitations that no children were invited. Not even those of close family. We sent the invites out 6 months in advance- if people can't arrange childcare in that amount of time I saw it as their problem, not mine. Planning weddings is stressful enough without people laying a guilt trip on you.

Original poster
springmachine · 07/08/2018 19:13

To add - the wedding is late afternoon and a maximum of 1 hrs drive away from the furthest person (most people are within 20 minutes)

It's frustrating that these people have asked if they an bring their children and said they won't be able to come otherwise as it's not a long time to get a babysitter for and could always come to the wedding and forgo the evening reception if they can't do more than a few hours

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/08/2018 19:16

OP how did u note on the invite that children weren’t invite?

Theycouldhavechoseneve · 07/08/2018 19:19

I think you’re expecting too much re the babysitting OP. The journey time won’t be the issue, but availability. And some won’t want to leave their child with a babysitter

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