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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask about dads rights

94 replies

laura6032 · 07/08/2018 11:52

My DH works night shift, I know dads are entitled to to take time off unpaid to attend up to 2 antenatal appointments, but how does that work if you are night shift.

I know some expectant mothers have had issues with this too.

Are you just expected to go to these appointments exhausted, or should your employer be a bit more accommodating. thanks in advance xx

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 11:52

The entitlement is for time off for the actual appointment so wouldn’t apply if he’s not actually at work during the time of the appointment.

Original poster
laura6032 · 07/08/2018 11:58

Yeah I get that, just seems slightly unfair though x

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 11:58

I was on nightshift when I was pregnant with DS1, I just had to try and manage two blocks of sleep either side. It’s a PITA but it works.

Pengggwn · 07/08/2018 12:09

It isn't entitlement to time off as such, but entitlement for time off for that specific purpose. If the man didn't work on a Monday and the appointment was on a Monday, he wouldn't get the time off.

SuzanneVaguer · 07/08/2018 12:13

If he was self-employed he'd have to take unpaid time, wouldn't he? Lots of people don't fit into neat little boxes...

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 07/08/2018 12:26

Sorry, it's perfectly fair. If I have an appointment in the school holidays (when I am off work) but am going to incur childcare costs which inconvenience me, am I then entitled to ask my employer for the time off during my working hours instead, so that I can attend my appointment during work time and not incur the inconvenient costs during my non-work time? No, because it's ridiculous and cheeky. Your DP has chosen a job where he works nights. Occasionally, his daytime rest may need to be interrupted for an appointment (and btw interrupted sleep will become part of your lives after the baby arrives!), inconveniencing him, but that does not mean his employer should pick up the slack. I can see it's tricky but it's a bit cheeky and entitled to suggest time off so he can sleep AND attend the appointment. The appointment falls in his non-working time; we are all expected to try, where possible, to fit appointments into our non-working time and only arrange them in working hours if unavoidable.

SillySallySingsSongs · 07/08/2018 12:28

Its perfectly fair. I don't see the issue.

Original poster
laura6032 · 07/08/2018 12:42

It is unfair, what if you were told to get up in the middle of the night to go an appointment when others got the time off to go.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 07/08/2018 12:44

It isn’t unfair at all. And I say that as someone that works nightshift. He will just have to sleep before and after the appointment. I assume it’s the scan?

amy85 · 07/08/2018 12:45

Book an early appointment and sleep after or book the last appointment so he can get a good chunk of sleep before

YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 12:45

It is unfair, what if you were told to get up in the middle of the night to go an appointment when others got the time off to go

It’s really not unfair OP. It’s life.

SparklyMagpie · 07/08/2018 12:47

Not unfair at all

Rainbowmelon · 07/08/2018 12:48

Sure, if you book your scan for 1am then I'm sure he'd be entitled to the time off..

TheHalfBloodPrincess · 07/08/2018 12:57

I’d agree if it was paid time off, but it’s unpaid so what difference does it make?

I worked a 3 week rota when I was pregnant so used to give my manager any appointment days and times before she compiled it so that I wasn’t put on shift for those times. I would have been entitled to paid time off but would much rather go to an appointment on my day off than have to faff about getting changed and leaving work for a Few hours

1stTimeMama · 07/08/2018 13:00

Does he have to go to the appointment?

TragicBoozyFlaccidClown · 07/08/2018 13:00

I see your point,
What do his employers say?
Unfortunately I don’t think they are legally obliged to give time off of night shifts but no harm in asking

BlueBug45 · 07/08/2018 13:06

My OH works shifts and accompanies me to hospital appointments which include scans.

I arrange the appointments so they are convenient for him, and fit into his time before he starts work or on a day off.

If I arranged the appointments for some of his day shifts then he would have only been allowed to accompany to two of them as per the law. Though he has colleagues who would have swapped shifts so he could accompany me as they are kind and will swap shifts for each other for medical appointments, interviews, etc.

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 07/08/2018 13:08

It isn't unfair because it's not the middle of the night OP and your husband's employer should not be inconvenienced by his choice to 1) work nights and 2) attend the appointments during his NON-WORKING HOURS. He doesn't have to attend the appts - he chooses to and must do so on his own time, given that's when the appointment is.

Ginmakesitallok · 07/08/2018 13:08

How is him getting an hour off his shift going to stop him being exhausted at your appointment time? Unless you're suggesting he gets a whole shift off?

MotsDHeureGoussesRames · 07/08/2018 13:09

I arrange the appointments so they are convenient for him, and fit into his time before he starts work or on a day off.

Absolutely!

SavvySaver24 · 07/08/2018 13:11

Am i misunderstanding this.... you have an antenatal appointment (in the day obviously). Your DH can easily freely attend this as he works nights but you want him to get time off of his nightshift, the equivilant time it took for him to attend the appointment in the day?

Are you stark raving bonkers Hmm

Original poster
laura6032 · 07/08/2018 13:13

No, it is unfair, people on Nightshift are being treated differently to people who work day shift.

Where I am it's not really a case of choice with appointments. I know he can sleep either side etc. But that doesn't make it fair.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 07/08/2018 13:13

Are you expecting him to get the whole shift off the night before?

SavvySaver24 · 07/08/2018 13:16

They aren't being treated any differently. As someone said the time off is for the actual appointment. If you can find someone prepared to let you have your antenatal appointment at 1am I am sure he will be allowed the time off.

MrsJonSno · 07/08/2018 13:17

Can you not get a really early morning appointment which he can attend before he goes to sleep or a late afternoon one, last of the day about 4:45 perhaps, so he can just have a slightly shorter sleep than usual that day?