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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask about dads rights

94 replies

laura6032 · 07/08/2018 11:52

My DH works night shift, I know dads are entitled to to take time off unpaid to attend up to 2 antenatal appointments, but how does that work if you are night shift.

I know some expectant mothers have had issues with this too.

Are you just expected to go to these appointments exhausted, or should your employer be a bit more accommodating. thanks in advance xx

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 07/08/2018 13:19

It’s one of these times that being a shift worker is an advantage because it won’t impact his work. He will have a broken sleep but will be fine.

YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 13:20

OP you’re in danger of whining now, you keep saying it’s not fair.

What you’re not understanding is that since nightshift was invented, nightshift workers have had to adapt their lives around their shifts.

What’s the alternative?

Nicknacky · 07/08/2018 13:23

Is it for the scan?

ClaryFray · 07/08/2018 13:25

Op your being unreasonable. Im on annual leave this week and have had an app I needed go attend, should I ask my employer for the time off next week to compensate it.

It's not fair to his other colluages if he gets time off to do nothing but sit at home for an hour because you both decided to reproduce. Grow up OP. Life isn't fair.

Alwaysadramaaa · 07/08/2018 13:26

My husband worked nights throughout both my pregnancies. He would either get up for appointments such as scans but if they were just regular midwifes appointments he would stay in bed. It’s not that it’s not fair, it’s just life

haribosmarties · 07/08/2018 13:26

I think its unfair. My husband works for the NHS and does some nights. He just told them when my appointments were and when my due date was and stuff and said that he wouldnt be able to do night on those days and they sorted it out for him. Can your DH not just have a word with his manager about it?

chipsandpeas · 07/08/2018 13:30

But if your husband has to make a doctors/dentist appointment or has a hospital app for himself he won’t have to take any time off his job to go so this really is no different

Lunde · 07/08/2018 13:45

Think of it this way - he gets to go to your appointments AND he gets paid as normal

BoneyBackJefferson · 07/08/2018 13:51

laura6032

Your DH should get an allowance for working nights, this sort of thing (anti social hours and the health issues) is why

applesauce1 · 07/08/2018 14:02

I have a scan tomorrow but am a teacher and therefore am currently on holiday. Should I ask my head to give me the time back when I go back in September? If the scan had fallen during term time, I'd be entitled for the time off, after all.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 07/08/2018 14:06

Ok, so book an appointment at night then.

Oh you can’t? Then it’s not unfair.

It’s not an extra bit of time off he’s not getting, it’s time to attend a specific appointment.

SillySallySingsSongs · 07/08/2018 14:09

No, it is unfair, people on Nightshift are being treated differently to people who work day shift.

No they aren't.

I had an appointment last week. DH was on day off. Should he get that time back? The answer is no.

SomeKnobend · 07/08/2018 14:14

Wow, what a whinger! Grow up ffs. You get time off if you have to go to an antenatal appointment which clashes with when you're actually at work, as you can't be in 2 places at once. TBH I didn't even realise this extended to dads (and I have 3 kids)! Either your dh comes to your appointment or not, but he doesn't need time off to attend because he's not supposed to be at work when the appointment is happening anyway. Please get a grip.

ElinorOliphantIsCompletelyFine · 07/08/2018 14:16

I don't understand how you think this is unfair.

The time off is to physically attend the antenatal appointment. If it means he might not get much sleep, can't he just rearrange his shift?

You'll have plenty of notice for the appointments (he only really needs to attend the scans)

blearyeyedbear · 07/08/2018 14:21

Are you completely mad?

The entitlement is not an entitlement to an extra amount of holiday. It is about work being accommodating to ensure dads can attend important appointments.

Who'd be an employer these days with attitudes like this?

Original poster
laura6032 · 07/08/2018 14:28

You finish at 7 am, takes 30 + mins to get home, pick up oh (who needs someone as suffering dizziness and fainting and no there is no one else to ask as they'd need to use holiday) to spend over hour and half on bus to get to hospital, at least between 30-45 waiting and have appointment, then travel back on bus for the hour to two hours go pick up other child, then get to bed for couple hours before leaving at about 6 for another 12 hour shift. Whereas if day shift would have time off, or scheduled day off. Or if luckier a more accommodating employer who might have swapped shift.
Appointment was only one available, I know night shift his choice. He's asked for reduction in hours with pay cut, shifts swapped to accommodate.

Yes people I think this is pretty unfair.

OP posts:
Newmanwannabe · 07/08/2018 14:29

Does he get a pay loading for being on bought shift? If so that’s compensation for the life intrusion.

YeTalkShiteHen · 07/08/2018 14:31

Yes people I think this is pretty unfair

Oh that’s funny. OP I suspect you have no actual concept of what is and isn’t fair in reality. Because the fact is that it’s not his employer’s fault he doesn’t drive, or that you’re pregnant, or that you have another child, or that you have an appointment.

HolyPieter · 07/08/2018 14:32

Tough shit.

If he really cared about attending the appointments then he wouldn't have chosen a night shift job.

Bombardier25966 · 07/08/2018 14:32

I used to worked nights. If I had an appointment I'd just plan my sleep around it. It was a bit inconvenient but no big deal, and certainly didn't leave me exhausted.

SillySallySingsSongs · 07/08/2018 14:34

A huge chunk of that time is because your DH doesnt drive. That isnt your employers fault and I doubt even in day time you would be allowed ti take off 3 hour travelling time plus appointment.

Nicknacky · 07/08/2018 14:35

If it's so difficult then he doesn't go to the appointment then?

Bombardier25966 · 07/08/2018 14:36

Your problem seems to be that you are (apparently) up to two hours from the hospital. What are you planning to do when you go into labour?

Dreamingofkfc · 07/08/2018 14:37

Does he work every night? I did mainly nights and fitted in appointments no prob. My husband only came to the scans, there's no real need to come to anything else

SavvySaver24 · 07/08/2018 14:39

You have listed a whole load of problems that will make this difficult for your DH. Not a single one of them is your employers issue. Grow up.

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