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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask about dads rights

94 replies

laura6032 · 07/08/2018 11:52

My DH works night shift, I know dads are entitled to to take time off unpaid to attend up to 2 antenatal appointments, but how does that work if you are night shift.

I know some expectant mothers have had issues with this too.

Are you just expected to go to these appointments exhausted, or should your employer be a bit more accommodating. thanks in advance xx

OP posts:
MotherWol · 07/08/2018 17:01

Can you get a taxi to the hospital instead of the bus? It might be more direct and quicker.

Ultimately you have to decide which is more important to you - having him at the appointment with you, or him getting some sleep. You can't have both.

user139328237 · 07/08/2018 17:23

Very few employers can do anything more than the legal minimum with regards to time off during August due to the much higher than average annual leave caused by the school holidays and holiday season.

jasjas1973 · 07/08/2018 19:03

I came on here this morning for advice, I did not expect so many judgemental, over critical unsympathetic people

I am not, i am in total agreement with you!
The criticism you are getting is yet another example of one rule for women ie get all this employment protection the moment we conceive and another for men, who can FO and toughen up.

jasjas1973 · 07/08/2018 19:04

...and then moan like fuck when they dont become caring sharing fathers like all those nice Nordic countries have.

KoolAidPickle · 07/08/2018 19:05

i thought we were all trying to help fathers become more involved in child care etc but it seems not

Because a man who works nights so is free to go to ALL of the antenatal appts during the day as opposed to most men who can't is still not happy?
Hows' that now?

KoolAidPickle · 07/08/2018 19:07

The criticism you are getting is yet another example of one rule for women ie get all this employment protection the moment we conceive and another for men, who can FO and toughen up

More stupidity. I worked nights when I was pregnant. I didn't get time off my shifts for antenatal appts: because they were during the DAY. Hmm

For the terminally dim: the idea is that if you should be at work when you have appts, then you get to go to them without being penalised. If they are on when you are not at work, then you can just go to them anyway!

It's not that difficult.

Starlight345 · 07/08/2018 19:19

I can’t help but think in a few months you will both experience a new kind of tiredness you haven’t yet experienced.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 07/08/2018 19:23

So where is the evidence that unpaid time off work instead of using annual leave to attend appointments is what's keeping us away from Nordic style dad involvement? As opposed to, say, use it or lose it, well fu funded paternity leave? I'm interested.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/08/2018 19:25

Ok, so, a woman in my office is about to go on maternity leave. I'm not pregnant, but she's getting time off so why can't I get a year off as well?

Original poster
laura6032 · 07/08/2018 19:31

Thank you jasjas1973 but I think your the only one that does agree lol

OP posts:
AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/08/2018 19:36

So OP, you have your appointments during the day while your partner is with you. When he then goes to work later that night, what exactly do you intend for him to do with the time off that you think he should have?

women ie get all this employment protection the moment we conceive and another for men, who can FO and toughen up.

Do you really, honestly, truly not understand why pregnant women get more protection than men with pregnant partners?

Please tell me the honest answer to this question. Because if you sincerely don't understand why conception and pregnancy affects women more than men, then I think it would probably be morally wrong to make fun of you.

RobinEggs · 07/08/2018 19:49

Sheesh. If it’s that much fuss just go to the appointment on your own. My dh works abroad Mon-Fri. If he came with me to my antenatal appointments as he is entitled to he’d have to take 2 days off work. So I go on my own or with my mum if I she’s about.

Original poster
laura6032 · 07/08/2018 19:55

He asked for shift swap, holiday, to reduce hours to help me out, I've been really ill. It's not about getting the time off it's about the employer being a bit more accommodating.

OP posts:
Original poster
laura6032 · 07/08/2018 19:58

If I was able to go on my own or had some one else to come, I would have done that. Point is there was no one else, he was the only one I had at that time for that appointment, as I've said . I tried rescheduling, there was nothing else for weeks, and I had to go.

OP posts:
AynRandTheObjectivist · 07/08/2018 20:00

If I was able to go on my own or had some one else to come, I would have done that.

But you did go?

Nicknacky · 07/08/2018 20:00

And his employer isnt in a position to do the things he has asked. It's sucks but that's the world of work. I would understand your issue more if he couldn't come as he was working

LeighaJ · 08/08/2018 13:43

Yes, YABU and whoever told you life is fair, lied to you.

Since only the woman is pregnant only her employer needs to be as accommodating as needed. Just because some people say "We're pregnant." Doesn't mean the man's employer will view it the same way.

KoolAidPickle · 08/08/2018 13:52

So you were able to go on your own, since you did go? And what was he doing?

BasilFaulty · 08/08/2018 14:31

This is such a bizarre thread. I work in emergency services and often work nights. It's one of those things and has nothing to do with male Vs female, it's about working hours your DP chose when he took the job, as I did.

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