At 6am wibu to just get milk?

[LanceStatersGold]

Woke up this morning to discover (after getting in late yesterday) that there was only a dribble of milk so quickly got dressed and went to the corner shop when it opened at 6 so that DD could have breakfast.

Got back to be quizzed on where I’d been - DD knew so he could have just asked her.

Explained went to get milk for breakfast.

Ensuing onslaught began:

Did you get bread, yoghurts and bananas?

No, I just nipped out to the corner shop to get milk. Will do proper shop later...

Was then called stupid, idiot and lazy for not making a list.

Again replied I’d gone just to get milk and there’s all those things in cupboard/fridge if he wants them.

Then told again I’m stupid and I should have made a list as there’s loads we need and he went to work in a sulk.

Had put it down to him being grumpy this morning but just had text saying ‘please don’t text me a list to pick up on way home. When you go out make a sodding list and stop wasting your time’

I’m genuinely confused. This should be such a non event but now I’m sitting here wondering if I should have just done the weekly shop at 6am in the corner shop? Was I unreasonable?

When I was reading the beginning of this thread I I told my DH about your post and said if he ever spoke to me like that he'd be at risk of not coming back after work! (If it was a one off we'd have words, he'd apologise etc. If it was abuse he'd be leaving).

By the time I'd read the posts put on about 4pm I'd realised how different my DHs response would be towards me. If I'd gone for milk at 6am, when I returned he would have said "Oh, you should have said and I would have gone for it." (I'd have let him as we don't have a corner shop, it's a 30 minutes round trip to Sainsbury's walking so he'd have gone in the car as I can't drive.)

My DHs response came out of a love, care, thoughtfulness, respect etc towards me, your 'D'Hs response was not. In my view he is looking for things to berate you over and I wish you all the luck in the world for your better future without him. Stay strong, and if\when you need it, there is support on MN (particularly in the harder times) for you, just ask.

I recently found out I was living with a narcissist.

He was very skilled at making me feel I was wrong.

Eventually I didn't really know for sure what was right.

BUT - as soon as he was out of my life and more importantly - I had told him that was what I wanted, I started to feel the invisible grip loosen, I could breath more easily and sleep better.

This man needs you to be upset to make him feel good.

Don't let him do that to you any more. You do NOT deserve this. And he will never be the person that you want him to be. Because he REALLY doesn't want to be that person. All he wants is to yank you around. To see that look of worry, sadness, or shock, that he has managed to cause, or hear it in your voice.

You are way too good for him!!!! x

@LanceStatersGold

Everything you've described about his behaviour with you sounds like verbal and emotional abuse. Especially the bit about making you feel like you're in the wrong, like you're the crazy one, you're stupid, you're insert something else horrible

I have a close family member who has been with someone like that for over 3 decades. He use to be a lovely person too.

I'm glad you have a plan to get away from him for good.