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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for forcing this woman to wear a seatbelt?

208 replies

CGaus · 04/08/2018 08:33

I was on a 14 seater minibus today on the way to the ski fields. We drove along one of Australia’s most dangerous, icy alpine roads. Before driving, the driver asked if everyone had a seatbelt on - most people said yes, but the driver didn’t get out and check each person’s seatbelt.

We got to a snow chain checkpoint, and I noticed that two women in their 20s or 30s weren’t wearing seatbelts.
This is in Australia, it’s illegal not to wear a seatbelt - though only the driver (not the passengers without seatbelts) would have been fined $564 or £321 and given 6 demerit points. Apart from that wearing a seatbelt is obviously important for safety.

I said to the women in a friendly tone “sorry but you’ve forgotten to put your seatbelt on!”. The response was “um no I’m fine”. I said that the driver could be fined if passengers weren’t wearing seatbelts, she said “okay” really slowly. I then added “it’s also really dangerous”...and this time she just looked away and didn’t say anything, I then heard the women speaking with each other about it. I let it go, and decided to bring it up to the driver when we arrived - it wasn’t possible to speak to him without shouting from where I was sitting at the back of the bus.

The bus pulled over again for a random breath test, again I asked the women to please put their belts on, much more assertively than before and loudly enough that the driver could hear. The driver heard me and checked that everyone was wearing belts, probably because there were coppas a metre away for the breath checks. Once we passed the checkpoint though one of the women took her belt off again! I was genuinely shocked and just said “seriously” in what I admit was a rude manner. So AIBU for asking an adult to wear a seatbelt?!

So AIBU for insisting a grown woman wear a seatbelt? And should I bother saying anything on the return journey? The driver can’t see the entire bus properly and his eyes need to be on the road!

OP posts:
Degustibusnonestdisputandem1 · 06/08/2018 08:02

Ive driven that road many times in dad's rear wheel 4WD with no problems, and have to say I find people here in the UK often don't drive to the conditions in the snow! It's a road to be respected that's for sure. Haven't ever been up Baw Baw, but one of my sisters has.

LoniceraJaponica · 06/08/2018 08:06

That isn't my experience riceuten. All the older people I know are pretty law abiding. I will be 60 this year, and was only in my 20s when the seat belt law was introduced in the UK.

I had always worn a seat belt anyway because I was brought up to. Also, a school friend had horrific facial scars because she went through a car windscreen in a crash. She used to tell people to belt up in a car and point out what had happened to her.

strawberrisc · 06/08/2018 08:30

I'm slim, senior management and happily married for 35 years next week

Am literally crying laughing. What a legend! 🤣🤣🤣

CasanovaFrankenstein · 06/08/2018 08:32

They were behaving like dicks. Why not put a seatbelt on FFS?

Obviously it is your business as it would put you in potential danger. It's not just a personal choice, I'm amazed anyone thinks it is!!

SnorkFavour · 06/08/2018 09:55

I know this is over now, but you were definitely right, partly because of the poor driver receiving a fine but mostly because the force of them being propelled forwards at speed could easily have killed someone else on the bus.

A tissue box on the back shelf hits with the force of a brick at a relatively low speed.

Its a very old UK advert, but watch this, its gets the point through I think:

chicazteca · 06/08/2018 10:13

Well done OP The kind of behaviour of those women are one of my pet hates. And I love to call them out. Dickheads

PetitCornichon · 06/08/2018 10:44

Follows what appears to be new rules for first mn posts on a new thread

I'm slim(ish) - but putting weight on after a back injury and doing less exercise. I'm sure I'll be overweight fairly soon though, happily married for 10 years and a stay-at-home parent....

OP YWNBU. Well done for speaking up and not backing down. As pp's have already pointed out, they can do what they please if it only has the potential to harm themselves. Natural selection 'n' all that! But when it has the potential to affect others, then they need to abide by the rules. If they don't want to they can walk/hire a car.

I will take a leaf out of your book and speak up if I believe another person's behaviour could lead to the harm of others. I've always been too "it's not my business, I'm keeping quiet" ...But I shouldn't

Original poster
CGaus · 06/08/2018 11:33

Haha PetitCornichon - thank God they're not the new rules, there was a nasty comment awhile back where someone said I must be overweight, newly divorced and recently rejected for a middle management job because I'm such a busy body, or something alone those lines!
I've just ignored it because clearly my weight, marital status and occupation have no bearing on this situation but some of the lovely Mumsnetters here have qualified their posts with their own 'statuses' for littleFearOfHumans.

OP posts:
Speakeasy · 06/08/2018 12:51

Yes you are. People should be left to make their own decisions. The driver already knows they are likely to take them off. His decision what to do about it. They know they could cause him a fine. Their decision what to do. Maybe they realise that wearing seat belts can be just as dangerous if you can't open them when the vehicle is on fire or upside down in a ditch full of water. And maybe they have seen the research which shows a correlation between breast cancer and seatbelt wearing and whether the wearer is usually a passenger or driver. Why do so many people believe that it is their job to run everyone else's lives?

MrsPeel · 06/08/2018 13:05

If they were only endangering their own lives that would be fine Speakeasy but as has already been pointed out they were endangering the lives of others, as well as the driver's job. If they dont want to wear seatbelts then they shouldn't travel in a vehicle where it is mandatory. PS You do know that correlation isnt the same as causation dont you?

drspouse · 06/08/2018 13:13

Why do so many people believe that it is their job to run everyone else's lives?
It's called society aka having to exist in the same space as other people.

MaidofEyes · 06/08/2018 13:13

I'm slim but unfit and married and managed a team of 12 people before running my own business and I didn't know there was proper skiing in Australia either.

SIL used to get really annoyed with me for insisting that not only did my niece not stand up in the back of the car between front seats, but that she had to wear a seatbelt. Apparently I was really boring. But she's a dick. My niece is lovely and I was quite keen to keep her safe and alive. But I'm boring like that.

Not sure I'd have had the chutzpah or inclination to go to such lengths over the non-belt wearers though.

Goth237 · 06/08/2018 13:31

furandchandeliers Well, all I can say is that I hope, one day, you are on the receiving end of a 100+lb person flying at you because of not wearing a seatbelt. I'm sure you'd change your mind when you end up with a bloody nose (or worse) because of someone else's childish refusal to wear a safety belt. It's not you who it affects and people travelling in the vehicle with you don't give a damn about your safety, but they have a right to safe travel themselves and to not be injured by some selfish, petulant child.

Speakeasy · 06/08/2018 16:05

Strange that buses and trains don't have seatbelts if they are so very necessary to safety. It isn't society, or even living together, it is being a busybody and imposing control on others.

LoniceraJaponica · 06/08/2018 16:13

“Yes you are. People should be left to make their own decisions.”

Not when it could impact other people’s safety Hmm

“it is being a busybody and imposing control on others.”

No it isn’t RTFT and try to understand why it is so important Hmm Are you one of these people who never does as they are told because you just like to be bolshy and awkward for the sake of it? Do you refuse to waer a seatbelt in a car or on a plane?

Strongmummy · 06/08/2018 16:29

I would have told the driver and let him deal with it. I can understand why the women were getting annoyed with you, although I agree that they’re complete dicks

MrsPeel · 06/08/2018 16:43

speakeasy You might not think it is necessary to safety to wear seat belts because they dont have them in buses and trains by the same logic you could argue that because smoking isnt banned in public places everywhere it cant give anyone cancer. The fact is that in this case it was considered dangerous not to wear a seat belt so the women concerned should have just sucked it up or got off the coach. I am constantly amazed by the entitlement of people who think that rules are only for the "little people"

LoniceraJaponica · 06/08/2018 16:45

Were you one of the women on the bus speakeasy?

Speakeasy · 06/08/2018 17:20

Not me. Never use buses. BUT I have great sympathy for the 2 on the bus. The issue should have been between them and the driver.

manicmij · 06/08/2018 17:39

Speakeasy. Buses do have seatbelts at least the ones I travel on. Always use the seatbelt as injury can be sustained just by a vehicle stopping quickly if not secured. Doesn't have to be a full on crash to be injured

Touchmybum · 07/08/2018 00:30

Haven't read all the replies but agree with you OP. I would have fucked them out altogether if they refused to wear seatbelts!!

SalemBlackCat · 07/08/2018 06:34

No, you definitely are not being unreasonable. I too, live in Australia (Queensland) and many years ago, I was in an accident in the town just north of us. I was driving slowly/cautiously through a giveway sign, and another driver on my right came tearing down and smashed into me. It was a 50km zone, but I honestly believe she was doing a lot more than that because the bra I was wearing was torn in half at the front, right down the middle. Yes, literally. I am not even kidding. I kept the bra as evidence for a long time. And since I am short and need to have the seat pushed forward, I was told if I wasn't wearing a seat belt, my head would have gone right through the windscreen.

I have become a sort of 'seat belt nazi' since that accident. Seat belts are the best inventions since sliced bread. Even BETTER than sliced bread! I LOVE seat belts. They save lives. And if a bus doesn't have a seat belt, then that's one thing. But if a bus has them, you may as well make use of them and protect yourself. Those 2 women sound very immature, selfish and just plain ignorant. Good on you for speaking up. Clearly the bus driver was grateful to you, too.

SalemBlackCat · 07/08/2018 06:39

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe How does wearing a seat belt endanger your life to the extent you need a seat belt? Not being smart or nasty, I am genuinely interested.

Kotare · 07/08/2018 07:15

YANBU.

I'm in NZ and the attitude to seat belts here is one of the hardest cultural differences to deal with.

We have a huge road toll - 30% of it being people who are not wearing seat belts. I frequently see people transporting really small kids without car seats or even seat belts. I report some but if I tried to do all of them I'd be getting a name for myself with the police!

DD is nine and the only one of her pals who still uses a car seat. I rarely see other kids even use a backless booster. Not sure how that would compare to the UK?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 07/08/2018 07:22

Salem You mean not wearing a seatbelt when I'm on my own? It's not so much life-saving but, because of my fracture, if I wear a seat-belt and IF I have a collision, even a low impact one, the risk of far more severe damage is increased. That same impact for a seatbelt-wearing 'normal' person would likely mean a bit of soreness perhaps? For me, it's a risk of bone splintering and moving off elsewhere.

I still wouldn't put somebody else's life at risk by not wearing a seatbelt if they're in the car with me because - for the stupid on this thread (and there are a few) - even a tiny child (which an adult weighs far more than) can become a dangerous 'missile' if they are unrestrained in a car - and they can kill other occupants in the event of a collision. Not difficult to understand really.