To wonder if all 2 year olds are like this?

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Ds is a nice boy. Very affectionate and a good sense of humour. Never been put in a naughty corner in his life and has only ever gone into time out once at nursary and he's been there since he was 10 months (he's now 2 and a half). We do get told he's often 'silly' and more so since the arrival of his baby brother 3 months ago

It stuck me today just how different he seems to act compared to others his age.

We were at the barbers waiting for his trim and there were 4 other kids all around his age all sat nicely.
My ds literally didn't sit down once despite repeated requests. He ran around. Messed on the floor in the dirty hair. Ran outside (quiet road thankfully). And he doesn't shut up. Ever. It's constant waffle waffle waffle. Sometimes I love it and others it literally drains the life out of me.
The only toys he's interested in is jigsaws. He has so many toys but he just won't get involved. He won't colour, paint, watch TV for longer than 2 mins. Nothing holds his attention for more than a few mins.

I felt embarrassed today at realising that he seems so full on. I've always justified it to dh by saying that it's because other kids will sit with phones or tablets to keep them quiet but today none of these kids has that and they were just pretty chilled.

Does my 2yo sound normal? !

crayola DS2 is the same age as your youngest and there is NO WAY he's developmentally ready to link sitting on the stairs to poor behaviour.

Just because I don't use a naughty corner it doesn't mean I don't discipline ds

You said in your OP that he’s never been put in the naughty corner in his life so I assumed you used a naughty corner as if you don’t it’s a bit strange to mention it in relation to your DS behaviour. I (wrongly) assumed you used a naughty corner but hadn’t put him in it, not that you didn’t discipline him but it was a bit confusing along with you saying he isn’t naughty!

Lots of DC behave better for other caregivers than their parents so if he’s behaving better for your Mum, sister, nursery then that’s normal. He probably feels safest with you which then can result in poor behaviour for a number of reasons.

I wonder whether your punishments are too harsh/complicated for him and he’s not relating the consequences of his actions to the punishment. A lot of 2 year olds need a more natural and immediate consequence, so for example getting out of the pram and walking when he hit his sister, rather than no ice cream which isn’t related to his actions.

Also, if he has got ASD,ADHD, etc (not saying he has as a lot of 2 year olds are ‘difficult’ and are NT but the things you list do make it sound like a possibility) the discipline methods used for NT children could cause issues in the long term as you are basically punishing him for things he genuinely can’t help, so may be better to offer coping strategies rather than punishments in the form of removal of things he likes.

It’s really hard though to decide whether he is being deliberately ‘naughty’ and choosing to do things to get a reaction/test the boundaries,etc or if it’s a genuine inability to control his impulses or process instructions.

@MrSpock well I assume the OPs child is or it would be a massive drop feed

And that’s who I’m talking to/about so don’t start handing out biscuits

crayola at that age a lot of people don’t know if their kids have SN. We only know DS does because both I and DP have ADHD so our kids are more likely to develop it. If we had no knowledge about it, we wouldn’t know. Our parents didn’t know.

So don’t assume just because it’s not mentioned that he’s NT.

Craylola what has been a drip feed?

I've googled ASD and hardly any of those symptoms relate to ds at all

However adhd symtoms are very similar to my son such as always interrupting conversations and unable to sit still or sit at a task for a long time. However I'm still not convinced that this isn't just normal 2 year old behaviour!?!

It says also an inability to wait your turn but at the toddler groups we go to they give out stickers at the end and ds will always be the one sat lovely and patient waiting for his sticker to be handed to him while the other kids are trying to grab the sheet or push in front of each other

WhyTheHeckMe I have ADHD and DS1 likely has ADHD and possibly ASD, so if you’ve got any questions feel free to ask.

Your post did remind me a lot of my DS, and yes SOMETIMES he can sit still but it’s so bloody rare.

DS1 is (nearly) three, so a similar age.

Some kids are high energy and some will happily sit with crayons. At that age I could be happily parked with a pile of books and get on with it and apparently I was no trouble at all.
Ds is a whirlwind - and yes it is a constant stream of distraction, no-we-don’t-do-that, running around, selective hearing and general cheekiness. He doesn’t have ASD or anything similar, he just isn’t one to sit still unless he wants to (he can, if he’s interested/taking something apart.)

The early years are largely you repeating yourself a billion times in a process of gradually civilising them.

That is age is WAY too young for naughty corner and time outs and I’d be extremely unhappy if a nursery my kid went to used them. Nurseries should not be using punishment techniques at all at that age. That would be a big red flag for me.

Your child is definitely in the normal range for a 2yo! So are the toddlers you see sitting still at the barbers. It is really hard when everyone is quick to blame your parenting.

The reason you see more kids sitting still at the barbers is that many parents of bouncy toddlers would find it such hard work to take them out to the barbers that they avoid it at all costs. My first child was like yours, and taking her for a professional haircut at a hairdressers is something that literally never crossed my mind until she was MUCH older. Many parents cut their children's hair themselves, or get it done by their own hairdresser who comes to the house - if the hairdresser is really patient! - or just leave it to grow. So the kids you see at the barbers are not representative of the full spectrum of toddlers: the kids you see at the barbers are mostly ones who are inclined to sit still!

My dd is 3, I have zero concerns about her development. She literally talks from the moment she wakes til she falls asleep. She has excellent concentration when she wants to focus on a puzzle/drawing/stickers. I wouldn’t describe her as a boisterous child but she would never sit quietly on a chair in a waiting room with no distractions (but then I wouldn’t expect her too). She’d be under the chair/over the chairs/talking to the other children. I think your son sounds totally normal. The approach for me that works is picking your battles, giving toddlers some leeway to be ‘silly’ (nasty or dangerous behaviour is obviously different) and distraction if it’s something that really matters if they aren’t still and quiet, although these occasions are rare.

My DD3 was like this. She was bloody hard work! I agree with a PP who said that 'parenting was all I did', I had my eyes on her every second from when she walked until she was 4 or something terrible would happen...notably, she slipped out of the kitchen while I was cooking and managed to break the lid of the toilet cistern. I still have no idea how.

She calmed down a lot by 4 though and at 6 now is an utter delight to be around!

My goodness. He's 2!! I can't believe some of the replies you've had OP. He just sounds 2 to me! Maybe on the more energetic side of 2 but still - 2!! I would definitely not be panicking just yet.

This sounds just like my youngest dd at that age

At almost 14 she's azlovely laid back girl with a great sense of humour and she's been a joy to parent but my god was she hard work.

Ran everywhere climbed everything took everything to bits and never sat still

Also mastered the art of circular breathing so didn't have to pause for breath when talking. She can still do that actually

Smallest child I have ever seen whistling as well.

notably, she slipped out of the kitchen while I was cooking and managed to break the lid of the toilet cistern. I still have no idea how.

DS pushed his bed to his chest of drawers, climbed up, slipped and got himself wedged between the wall and the chest of drawers.

His room is just a bed and toys now!

crayola DS2 is the same age as your youngest and there is NO WAY he's developmentally ready to link sitting on the stairs to poor behaviour.

Dunno. Usually I gave my 2 year old (25 months) a warning before “putting him in the playpen” but once he was winding my husband up in the kitchen and touching the oven and my husband just put him there with no warning and I asked him why we put him there and he said “because I touched the oven”. So I’m pretty sure he does get the concept. I’m not sure he wasn’t still technically 1 at that point. I think people underestimate toddlers understanding a lot tbh.

My younger DS could definitely link naughty step to bad behaviour from around turning 2. Sadly he thought sitting there was worth whatever he wanted to do so used to do it just that one more time and then go and plonk himself on the step - sigh!

Smallest child I have ever seen whistling as well.

This has me in stitches @RJnomore1

My nearly three year old boy is the same

He’s not asd or adhd. He’s just a normal
Toddler.

You should have seen her swaggering round the supermarket with her hands in her pockets whistling "bonkers" @2manysweets

I forget how tired I was all the time but I remember that!

My dd1 was like that at 2. Couldn't focus on anything for long, was a total whirlwind. Calmed down gradually but remained an exhausting child, always moving and or talking. She was diagnosed with asd when she was 5 and still has attention and concentration issues. She's 6 now and still very full on!

All of mine have been very active at that age the oldest seemed to follow instructions more than the younger two but it could be she had more 1 to 1 time as her sibling was born when she was 2.

I never used to do reins much until number 2 came along and yanked her hand out of mine & nearly ran under a car.

She hated the reins to start with but tough luck, the rule was if she want to walk she wore the reins if not then she was in the pushchair with the straps crossed over or a clip added so she couldn't escape.

Same with the youngest now he is not allowed to walk without reins. He is terrible for trying to run off if he sees something he's gone and he doesn't have the reasoning/impulse control for us to control him with discipline.

If he wants to walk he now goes and gets the reins & starts to put them on, then tells us I hold your hand to.

Sometimes you have to do what is best for their safety rather than what they like.

We've now got these and they can't reach them to undo.

@WhyTheHeckMe I said you HAVENT done a drip feed.

I did survive. I was very depressed, very withdrawn, sad for my boy for the majority of the time, anxious about how he was a square peg being forced into a round hole. Anxious for his future and happiness.

He is 15 now.
I have lost many friends along the way as they made it clear that they did not want him around them, their children, or their homes. school has continued to be a huge stress for him & us.
He still bangs/taps anything he has to hand, if not his hands or feet. Still takes stuff to bits, still cannot sit still or concentrate for long, still very very active, we have hobbies that require energy and concentration for him.
I understand him better, know how to channel and encourage his wonderful talents & interests.
He is still very challenging.

As a result, we waited 10 years to have another child, I just couldn't face it again. However, ds 2 is TOTALLY different! He is calm, sleeps, is compliant.
They are like day & night.
I think to myself, to my shame, that parenting ds 2 is how normal parents feel bringing up a child.
I am an older mum, 33 when I had ds 1, 43 when I had little ds, I feel 55 most days with the fall out of the last 15 years. But you do survive somehow.

In all honesty, there were days when I wanted to run away, never come back. I craved quiet, peace and calm.
It all turns out ok in the end....

That's really inspiring @crosser62
I have other children who slept beautifully and were a dream to manage - had them when I was quite young .Ds was a massive shock to me , I had him when my youngest was 10 so a big gap. I know it isn't my parenting and has nothing to do with parenting - I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I had my eldest at the age of 20 but she just slept through early on, occupied herself independently and was very compliant , as was dc2 . DS is currently spraying juice everywhere with his mouth and I've mopped the fooor umpteen times and no longer care. Ive had people judge me and dish out advice , everything from 'its because he's the third child and your spoiling him ( erm no I'm not - after a good ten years of lieins and children that were a dream to manage that last thing I'd want to do is give that up), to have you tried 'keeping him busy' ( got to laugh at that one ).
Even the park is a disaster , he's found a dangerous wall that he climbs on , runs like the speed of lightening through the exit gate , climbs on peoples property , throws himself on to dogs , drinks pond water , tries to throw himself of the highest point on the climbing frame , etc. I've child proofed the house to the point of madness . He was crawling at 4 months ,walking running at 9 months , and I remember the midwife holding him at a week old saying 'he's ready to go isn't he !) as he was bouncing out of her arms. I feel old and tired from the sleep deprivation and miss spending quality time with my older children . Theyre great with him but they need their own space too and spend a lot of time locked in their rooms to get away if they're not out with family or friends . My parents can't deal with him but they'll help with the older two with days out etc. We have a flight to catch on Thursday and I'm terrified as he's really exceptionally difficult in confined spaces .