To wonder if all 2 year olds are like this?

[WhyTheHeckMe]

Ds is a nice boy. Very affectionate and a good sense of humour. Never been put in a naughty corner in his life and has only ever gone into time out once at nursary and he's been there since he was 10 months (he's now 2 and a half). We do get told he's often 'silly' and more so since the arrival of his baby brother 3 months ago

It stuck me today just how different he seems to act compared to others his age.

We were at the barbers waiting for his trim and there were 4 other kids all around his age all sat nicely.
My ds literally didn't sit down once despite repeated requests. He ran around. Messed on the floor in the dirty hair. Ran outside (quiet road thankfully). And he doesn't shut up. Ever. It's constant waffle waffle waffle. Sometimes I love it and others it literally drains the life out of me.
The only toys he's interested in is jigsaws. He has so many toys but he just won't get involved. He won't colour, paint, watch TV for longer than 2 mins. Nothing holds his attention for more than a few mins.

I felt embarrassed today at realising that he seems so full on. I've always justified it to dh by saying that it's because other kids will sit with phones or tablets to keep them quiet but today none of these kids has that and they were just pretty chilled.

Does my 2yo sound normal? !

I think girls are socialized to sit quietly and be more gentle where boys are encouraged to be more physical, and bad behaviour is punished more severely in girls, especially any kind of 'rough' carry on. But I believe that nature plays a part too, and small boys in general are more boisterous and physical than small girls. It's only my opinion but it's an opinion that has been formed over many years working with young children.

Evidence does show that people treat boys and girls differently, even very young babies. It’s usually done subconsciously so you may not even be aware you are doing it. Even if you yourself aren’t, it’s likeky those around your baby are doing this, probably without even realising.

That’s not to say that some boys will dislike colouring, etc no matter what you do but it’s not because they are boys.

Physically there isn’t any difference between young boys and girls, boys aren’t naturally any more boisterous, just treated differently from being a baby.

Sounds exactly like my DS. Never still and always talking and running and jumping off something. He’s over 3 now and has definitely improved. Tries to run off less and can focus on things for much longer now, but he’s still unpredictable.

OP it’s very difficult dealing with an energetic toddler and a small baby out and about. You said you were trying to feed the baby at the same time. I had a rule that if I was out alone and dealing with the baby then DS sat in the buggy (unless of course we were somewhere it was totally safe for him to run around).

You have described my ds perfectly op.
However, I DID stop going out for about a year. I couldn't face life outside with him.
He could not/would not sit for more than seconds. He did not sleep for more that 2 hours at a time, up between 4am & 6am every single day.
Never ever saw any more than 3/4 minutes of a film, tv was a no no for him, he had zero interest.
He was destructive, loud, disruptive, would never just walk anywhere, climbed, jumped, ran off. A simple walk to the post box or shop was so SO stressful that I took to only going out at night when dh took over from me.
School complained daily about his inability to sit/concentrate/be quiet/ disrupt and have no interest in doing work. He was always on the naughty board.
I noticed that he was worlds apart and completely different from Friends kids the same age.
Furniture was wrecked, holes in skirting boards, walls, doors. Curtains down, bathroom and kitchen flooded more than once. I couldn't trust him in a room alone at all ever. Couldn't just go to the park with him, he would vanish, be at the top of a tree or the highest monkey bars or on the road.
Car seats/stair gates/Prams/ pushchairs could not hold him, he could escape with ease.
he once handed me a handful of nuts and bolts from dismantling the stair gate...I had been for a wee, 5 minutes in the loo.
Not one person agreed with me about adhd, not one.
I became depressed, I was constantly on high alert and exhausted, the guilt was crushing, family support was nil.

Your description of the barber shop was my constant. Daily.
Even now no one agrees with adhd, I am convinced.
I literally battled through every day.

He is 2. He is a boisterous toddler, the nursery has no concerns. The family should not compare him to other children. He needs boundaries but NOT discipline. He is too young to understand consequences like no ice cream if you do that. A short sharp No is all. Pre-empt what he might do, distract, and don't put him in a situation where he can run off. Pushchair or reins. He is not much more than a baby. They are exhausting but avoid words like naughty. He is too young for structured activity and his attention span will be minutes . avoid situations where he is expected to sit still for ages and always expect him to be wanting to be on the go. Smacking the baby is par for the course, try not to put him in the situation but he needs to learn gentle touch like stroking the babies head, singing songs to him, and positive interaction

I haven't read the full thread, but my 3.5 yr old has been like this since he started walking at 9.5mths. The difference now is when he runs he's almost too fast for his 43yr old mother. . He just is incapable of not moving. I still have him on his reins (under protest) when we're out and about as he is not to be trusted. I see other children his age and younger just walking alongside their parents and I'm so jealous. I've learned to accept that this is just how he is. He's crazy and busy and headstrong and is not in this world to please anyone but himself. I know people see him and assume we don't discipline him, don't give him boundaries and don't follow through on threats. I can say hand on heart, I regularly feel like all I do all day is the above but nothing has worked for us. He's just our crazy boy.

Hard to know. My ds is 3.5. He is wired all the time. Very rarely sits still. Talks incessantly. He gets so excited when people call to the house and literally runs around the house screaming.

I have queried adhd but nursery say although he is lively and chatty and has a lot of energy it doesn't affect him to the extent of being a problem. He thrives on routine and being kept busy. He is very funny and affectionate and has outstanding vocabulary. But sometimes I would give anything for him to sit still for a while.

Other people comment 'isn't he lively' 'you've your hands full' etc bit when I am strict (i.e we are leaving if you do that again) people say 'Oh he's fine leave him be, all toddlers are like that'.

It's hard to get the right balance I think. I don't want to kill his spirit and feel some days I just nag him all day long. But I have to keep at him or he runs amok. No ideas, just sending empathy!!

Another reason why you may feel the contrast, is that the other people with really lively toddlers may be avoiding that kind of situation, so you're only seeing the quieter ones!
One of mine was quiet and we'll behaved, and went to the hairdresser's obediently from 2. The other just couldn't sit still, and I remember struggling to find a hairdresser who would cope, and having me and his DB trying to keep his attention so he'd stay still.
Both grew up as nice, calm DCs, and by age 10 similar personalities, so try not to worry OP - he'll probably calm down as he gets older :-)

Physically there isn’t any difference between young boys and girls,
Seriously? [Hmm]

Raindrops in terms of body fat, physical strength, etc not until puberty, yet boys are often expected to be/described as more active/physical/need to move/need to run around, etc in a way that girls aren’t.
Obviously there are physical differences though

Love him for him. Don’t compare it’ll drive you crazy- especially when he gets to school (can you tell I used to and have now made peace with it?) Wouldn’t it be boring if they were all the same? He sounds just great x

My first never stopped, always on the go and jabbering.. he is now 4 and finally slowed down! Nursery helped a lot.

Both of mine would have required a lot of work to wait sensibly and appropriately without climbing the walls at that age. Basically channelling the fuck out of your inner Mary Poppins from dawn to dusk if you're not going down the screen route. Only was a good while after school start that the eldest started to be remotely entertained by the idea of colouring in or mark making really and calmed down a bit - they're still a livewire who'll delight in climbing the railings rather than waiting for something sensibly given the chance and need a LOT of very very consistent boundaries - and do not ever ever shut up (even talking - full blown wittering on, not just the odd random word, in their sleep).

Some of us are just "blessed" with livewires who are challenging as hell to parent.

Kardashian:
The point is though you repeatedly asked him to sit still and he ignored you. If it’s a safe area and you’re happy for him to get down and play in the hair and run outside then let him, don’t keep asking him to sit still. Otherwise you’re teaching him that you don’t mean it when you say sit still and that he can just get down and mess about anyway
Any experience with actual children??? And ones that have ADHD?? Are they just naughty and I am a shit parent?

Could ha have ADHD????

@FloydWasACat yes, both actually If you have got a child who struggles to listen/follow instructions, it’s especially important to keep the ‘don’t get down’ for situations where it’s dangerous, etc.

So in a situation where it’s safe/ok for them not to be sitting still, you are best to let them get down/move about.
In the OPs case, it sounded like she was happy for him to get down but kept telling him to sit on the chair which just seems mad. If you don’t mind them getting down then just let them!

In a dangerous situation where they can’t get down for risk or getting hurt or it’s totally inappropriate, etc then you need to enforce that. (So in the OPs case with a younger child, hold them on your knee/strap in a pram. OP says she didn’t do this as it would result in a tantrum).

That way you save telling them to stay on the chair for when you really mean it. Otherwise, you’ve got a situation with any child (NT or not) where you tell them to stay on a chair when you actually mean it’s ok for them to get down and it’s confusing for the child and makes it harder for you to parent effectively in a situation where you need them to stay sitting.

It’s hard though. I do try to think what I’m happy with before a situation so I can tell them my expectations but I often get it wrong and tell them one thing then decide another is actually ok. But I do try to explain that to them.

And no, I don’t think children with ASD/ADHD etc are naughty nor do I think you are a shit parent. Parenting a disabled child is HARD

@crosser62 please tell me how and if you have survived . I could have written the same thing word for word for my ds. The stress and exhaustion is breaking me .
My dad said he could probably dismantle a car if you let him. He has totally destroyed the house and like your ds , it'll be in the 2 min I've had a wee or rushed to stir some cooking before it burns, or taken a phone call and been distracted for all of 30 seconds . The amount of damage he does in a very short time is scary and you don't understand it unless you have lived it .

Kardashian Sorry, completely got the wrong end of the stick there! I see what you mean now

You say he’s never been put the in the naughty corner in his life but you also say he ran out into the road.

The other children who sit nicely probably ARE properly disciplined. There is usually a correlation. I have 3 boys and the youngest is 2.5yr. If he ran into the road I’d be livid. He wouldn’t because he knows he’d be in the naughty corner.

crayola are all your kids NT?

My dd was an nightmare as a toddler too, I look at other children her age behaving nicely and just despair. I remember when we went out for walks, she run into people front gardens and I have to chase her. The child reins didnt help as she would then just pretend to be a dog...(embarrassing) She is now 6 and has grown out of it thankfully!!

Bit strange how gender has come into it, I think it is down to the personality.

Bit strange how gender has come into it, I think it is down to the personality

People have fixed ideas about gender. Then confirmation bias means every time they see a boy running about or a girl sitting nicely it reinforces their beliefs.

I remember signing dd up to a football session when she was about 5. Thought the running about might wear her out a bit. She was the only girl.

The boys, all the same age, waited patiently in line for their turns and carefully and slowly dribbled the ball between the two posts. They’d stop and listen to the instruction, and it was all very civilised. Dd hared about like a lunatic at top speed, ball completely out of control, and couldn’t sit still long enough to listen to the instructions for the next game/drill.

I always find it illuminating that in the UK football is a male game, girls who play it are rough, tough and butch. In the US it is very much a female game, non contact and civil. Boys playing soccer are wimps, girly or gay.

You’d never convince a UK male football is for girls, and you’d never convince a US male it’s a boys sport. And both would probably argue that girls and boys are different, and it’s natural girls prefer non contact sports, or boys naturally like balls more than girls...

FloydWasACat No worries

crayola there are NT children who are poorly behaved due to lack of discipline and DC with SN who are disciplined and parented really well and still struggle to behave appropriately.
I agree with your point re: the OP saying that her DS has never been in the naughty corner in his life but then goes on to list lots of behaviour that many would class as naughty so I’m curious as to what point the OP would use the naughty corner.
(I personally don’t ageee with the naughty corner but I assume OP does or she wouldn’t have mentioned it).

I actually see more wired/running about girls than boys. Boys (0-4 maybe) are generally placid. Taking dd to rugby tots/library etc she is the most energetic.
I think maybe boys are more into hitting/kicking etc - some of them.

But it's surprising how much influence food allergies/intolerance and food dyes have on behaviour.

I would call the things in the OP naughty.
It is all largely personality but we do have to try to tame them.
Also think if asd is increasing then asd traits will also be increasing. Same with adhd.
It's easy to say hold them on your lap. I did that with dd (whilst pg with dc2), she elbowed me so hard that it caused a bleed and i had to go to hospital to be checked out.

I don't believe in the naughty corner no. However my sister does it for her 3 boys and has told me that of ds misbehaves in her care she'd put him there. Same with my mum. He's never been in it though. Nursery have time out which he's been in once.
Different kids respond to different punishment. Ds when he is naughty will be told he's not having a treat / go to the park / cannot play with jigsaws / will not get a bedtime book.
The things he likes, you know.
Making a kid who hates to sit still sit in a corner will just cause more problems and battles that would detract from the initial reason he was there in the first place!
However I can see if you have a kid who sits still how the naughty corner is probably amazing

Just because I don't use a naughty corner it doesn't mean I don't disciplineyou ds