To ask for your “not so Mumsnet” life hacks

[anothernameagain000]

While I’m a sucker for great tips to save time on ironing, cut down my cooking times and being a domestic whizz, as it’s friday evening and I’m bored - tell me your more down to earth tips... such as - “carry a spare hairband in a nightclub to help those throwing up to keep hair back, or the best way to get out stains when baby just crapped on your new carpet!

Crying at scrunchie munchie!!

You're all evil geniuses and I'm home here 😀

The lube BJ trick? An old friend of mine who was an ex prostitute swore by it. Nobody ever asked for their money back.

You can clean walls with a magic eraser. you dampen a small piece of it and rub it over the mark. You can use sugar soap on really grimy walls .
Use a kitchen or bathroom paint in those rooms. Use a paint that you can touch up either by keeping the unfinished tin or using a paint that you can easily match e.g. pure brilliant matt white.

Tip for travelling. If you are travelling with a woman or girl, take a travel hairdryer and a hand/shaving mirror.

I keep a few tester pots of the paint on my walls so that i can just touch it up where it gets mucky from my arsehole of a dog. I just use an old paint brush and then wash it in the sink. Takes minutes.

I thought gobble bobble was to tie your hair back so it doesn't get in the way when you're eating food! And I thought what a great idea!

If you misplace your gobble bobble - just use an elastic band

Furniture polish used as air freshener makes people think you have polished... my Mum used this for her in-laws.

Meet really irritating people at a neutral location so you can leave whenever you want and don’t have to have them in your home (or resort to the usual Mumsnet trick of ‘going NC’)

On a side note... Going NC baffles me, do people really do that? Who do you bitch about over wine with friends?

Make friends with people who have even messier houses than you, go round to theirs, come home and feel smug. Ditto with badly behaved children.

@helena I did the furniture polish as air freshener just yesterday! I may have also Fabreezed the dog

What is the libe and long hair trick?

Haven't read all of these but bobble bobble is amazing! I liberally douse with febreeze before guests come round plus throw everything into dishwasher and garage. I've been complimented on the tidiness of my house more than once which makes me laugh as it's a shit hole most of the time. Also, washing only your fringe in the shower and doing a sexy 60s style hair style for work. Amazingly when I do this I get complimented yet it's only because I'm a lazy hag and cba to wash all my long hair and dry it (waking up my toddler) before work. Also, only fake tan the bits on show plus get a dog. Your child will learn fetch is the best game ever and only want to either throw the dog's toy for him or pass you a ball to throw for them. Finally, spray anti mold spray into the shower and sink while showering. By the time you get out it's practically cleaned itself.

If you are travelling with a woman or girl, take a travel hairdryer and a hand/shaving mirror
? can the woman not decide this for herself? I'm genuinely confused by this advice!!

Have a baby. Every time you are late, you can say the baby pooped just as you left the house. Probably works up until age 3 and then you will need to have another.

If you are a SAHM, invent a flexible job you do from home with a nightmare boss. Avoid the “what do you do all day” type questions AND escape the in laws. You can excuse yourself from family gatherings because Colin has just emailed again and you need to send him a spreadsheet. Go and have a lie down/ drink a g&t in peace.

Send nauseous DCs outside to puke on the lawn. Then send dog to clean it up. No mopping required and it makes the dog happy.

Glad its not just me clion

Pyongyang I have been guffawing loudly at the image of a clown sneaking about in the background of a Harry Potter film . Absolute genius!

Not much of a 'hack' but I haven't bothered with PJs for toddler DS in the summer, just put him to bed in a clean t-shirt and nappy. Means he's half ready for nursery in the morning.

Tell DH "of course I want to get banged, can't friggin wait. I'll be 5 mins". Sneak into DC bedroom bang into furniture/step on squeaky toy/ give them a nudge.
"Oh sorry dear, darn kids, who would have em EY!"

To avoid the huge faff of carrying a spare gobble bobble on your wrist, get your hair cut short. Makes life so much easier.

^

Or just have a crew cut. Seems to deter men too, and so alleviates the chore of having to give bjs.

Delph I assume that is actually true anyway

Tell you children that children's music/nursery rhymes do not work in the car. Best advice I was given.

Have you ever shared a hotel room with a friend or sister who has come on holiday without a hairdryer and found that there wasn't one in the room? Nightmare.
The shaving mirror is for putting on make up, inserting contact lenses , plucking eyebrows and checking rear view.

Well we are women. And I don't do half the stuff on your list. And if I want to "check my rear view" I'll find a way myself without needing a man in my life to organise it.

Excuse me? I'm not a man.